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Chapter 13

"Its a newspaper article" she said as she carefully started flipping thru it with her gloves on.

"Sheryl Johnson" she said out loud and pulled out her phone

"Bruce, its me, yeah, This is definitely about Sheryl Johnson, I'm sure if I was the Chief I would have you investigate everything about how she died and get to her husbands house ASAP... what?" she asked and John heard her stop talking and listened.

"Well we just got our motive for the killing of the Doctors at this hospital didn't we. Good work, you tell Carl yet? No, me first." she said to Bruce and John saw her laugh.

"Thanks for the boost of confidence but after this one its back to just processing the scenes and letting the real detectives do there jobs. Yeah, later" she told him and then she turned to look at John. He seemed to be a bit mad.

John heard her again, with this Detective Bruce, and he was beyond jealous. It seems she has man after man falling all over her since he left. What the hell was up with that? He asked himself. She had always been beyond beautiful. Attractive, fun, free spirited but there were never this many guys at her feet when he was around. He saw her take a step closer to her and he stared into her gorgeous blue eyes.

"It seems Sheryl Johnson died on the operating table here in the hospital in October. Her family blamed the surgeons and the hospital. They wanted to sue but a court found there were no grounds for such a suit. Her husband was angry, very angry" Natalie told him trying so hard to ignore his gaze. His gaze that she knew wasn't work related.

Natalie watched as John started walking back and forth thinking things thru in his head.

"So you're thinking the husband then?" he asked her and she spoke.

"Yeah, actually Bruce and I figure its him. He's got motive," Natalie told him and he got a bit nasty

"Who the hell is this Bruce?" he asked in an annoyed voice. He wanted to know who the Fuck this Bruce guy was. He didn't remember a damn Bruce when he was chief. He shook his head as he heard her words come back at him.

"What the hell is your problem? How dare you talk to me like that! Not with all that you put me thru, you ass!" she said and she started to walk out of the stair well towards the courtyard.

John knew he blew it, his green colors were showing and he closed his eyes before he ran after her, he grabbed her arm and swung her around.

"What the Fu---" she started to say as he tuned her to face him.

"Have one of your people take care of the courtyard. I think we need to talk this out," he told her and she thought it sounded too much like an order.

"I don't take orders from you " she told him and he calmed a bit realizing he did in fact just order her around.

"I'm sorry, we just need to clear the air a bit," he told her

"No, we don't. There isn't anything to talk about John"

"Natalie we need to talk about what happened on the roof," he told her and she closed her now wet eyes.

"The roof was a big mistake for me. I never should have let you use me like that to make you feel better," she told him and he let go of her arm.

"We need to talk. Come with me" he told her and he escorted them into a lounge down the hall.

Natalie went, she needed to have it out with him, to tell him to leave, to tell him she would not fall under his spell again, she needed to concentrate on this case and help to catch this killer.

"Well talk John. You wanted this pow -wow," she said snidely and he got a bit mad

"What do you want from me Natalie?" he asked her and caught her off guard with that question.

"What?" she asked, somewhat confused.

"What do you want from me, for me to do? How can I help to make you feel better? I know I've hurt you again and I didn't mean to. It was the last thing I wanted to do," he told her and she actually turned away from him. She walked over to the window overlooking the parking lot.

"I want you to leave... I want you to never come back here again... to Llanview, my life. Forever this time, for good... I want you to never be able to make me feel so hurt and full of pain" she said and she started to cry. Tears started to run down her cheeks and she wiped them away.

John knew that was coming. What did he expect? Everything had been about him. That year they spent happy and together. The year he was sure she waited for him to be whole again, to feel whole again. The year she waited for him to express what she meant to him, the wonderful year was all about him. He had made it that way. He heard her words and he came out of his thoughts.

"What do you want from me John? Tell me?" she asked him as she found strength to turn and met his eyes.

John stood for a few minutes staring into her eyes.

"I want you to be happy Natalie... I want you to have a full life with someone who loves you the way you deserve. Someone who doesn't take you for granted or expects you to sit around and wait for them to feel whole again." he told her and she smiled weakly, her eyes welling up.

'Yeah, I guess you and I want the same things for me than don't we" she told him and she automatically went into his arms. He held her as if for the very last time ever, and that was because it would be. He would have to leave again, stay away completely, and not look back ever. That was what she needed and he would do that for her even if his heart would break in two doing so. This had to be about Natalie, not him, and his baggage.

Natalie held her head close to his heart as she stopped crying, this was it she thought, this was there good-bye, the one they never got when he left the first time, maybe this was just the closure she needed to move past John McBain for good, forever. She pulled herself off him completely and she looked into his eye's one last time.

"I loved you so much. I know you knew that, but... I couldn't wait anymore. You know it was killing me to not be a hundred percent sure of your love for me…and... And well I just wanted you to know before you leave that... that you shouldn't be so down on yourself for hurting me. We were good together back then and... And well I guess you just can't help who you fall in love with" she said as she started for the door. He closed his eye's holding in the tears. he couldn't watch, she was saying beyond a doubt that it was good bye.

"Good bye John, I hope you have a good life" she told him and his tears started slowly moving down his cheeks as he didn't chase her, he knew there was no reason too, it wasn't fair, not to hurt her any longer.

"I love you Natalie," he said out loud for the first time ever, softly almost a whisper, as he opened his eyes and looked out the window and watched all the passing cars.

Natalie went into the ladies room to regain herself. She went into one of stalls and broke down behind the door; sobbing uncontrollably she let it all out. All the tears she had bottled up for years, she was shedding them for a good twenty minutes when her phone went off in her pocket. It brought her out of it and made her remember she had a case to help solve. She stood up, opened the stall door went to the sink, washed her face and hands and quickly answered her phone as she left the bathroom.

John stood in the lounge for a few more minutes till he heard the door open and Mikey's voice.

"John... are you okay?" he asked. John didn't turn around he just spoke.

"I... her... I won't ever tell her thou, its not fair to her... I've gotta go" he told him and he started to walk past him.

"John where are you going?" Michael asked and John looked at his younger brother. He may have been younger but he was so much wiser than john.

"I'm going to help them catch this killer cause he hurt you and then I'm going to go back to NY. Everyone will be happier that way"

"What about you? Will you be happy if you leave Llanview"

"I'll be happy if she's happy, and she'll be happy when I'm gone for good" John told him as he stopped at the door. He leaned down to Michael in the wheelchair and messed his hair

"John... do you really think she'll ever be happy with out you? Do you really think you'll ever be happy with out her?" Mickey told him as john was almost out the door.

"Its about her and her happiness now " he said and he was gone.