Disclaimer:Do I own them...thinkreallyhard...no I don´t think so ;-)
A/N: This story was written before the GSR became canon. I am a GSR shipper though I like to write sad stories like this one.
All mistakes are mine and there could be some, since English is not my native language. Thanks for reading! Enjoy!
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Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my lover,
goodbye my friend,
you have been the one,
you have been the one for me - James Blunt
Light is falling through the blinds into my bedroom, forming a pattern on the covers and illuminating your face. And as I look at you I realise that I have to let you go.
This was our first time and our last, at least that´s what you mumbled before falling asleep next to me- still not in my arms, but at least next to me.
You said you loved him and that he´d make you happy and I´ll just have to believe you. And I do. I´ve seen the smile on your face when you were with him, I´ve heard you laugh when sharing a story about him with Warrick.
Didn´t you send that smile my way once? I don´t remember because it´s so long ago, or maybe it´s not and I just don´t want to remember because I know it will make all of this so much harder. And it is hard, believe me. To let you go, to let us go.
Us? You´d ask me if I told you there´s never been an us. But there has been, at least for me. I´d never thought I´d really be too late one day, I just assumed we were an us. Even after the Hank-thing. Even after everything I´ve done to you. And now that I know better it´s too late.
You wrinkle your nose in your sleep, looking so, so...adorable somehow and I want to kiss you again, to feel your soft lips on mine one more time, but I know I can´t because I´d only wake you up and then you´d be gone- forever- and I don´t want to risk that, not just yet. I just want to have you here with me for a few more seconds, for a few more minutes... Because I know it will be the last time I see you and I want to savour every second of it.
At least now I know what I´ve missed out on the last few years and what I´ll miss out on for the rest of my life. It hurts, but at least it makes me feel alive. I´ve been feeling hollow for too long.
I watch your chest rise and fall with every breath you take and I wonder if he sometimes watches you while you sleep and if he really realizes what a lucky man he is. To be honest I can´t imagine it. But maybe that´s just my selfish self talking, which seems to think I´m the only one who can really love and appreciate you. Have I ever told you that I love you? I don´t think I have and so I vow to myself to do so as soon as you wake up, even though I know it probably won´t change a thing. You´ll leave me anyway.
My heart skips a beat when you suddenly turn around and face me, but you don´t open your eyes...yet. A sigh escapes your lips and I know you are about to wake up.
What will you do when you realise what´s happened?
I look down on your naked body one more time trying to memorize it. Every curve and swell of it, every scar and freckle that marks you. In the lonely nights that´ll follow I´ll be able to remember this night, you laying next to me and, for a short amount of time, being in my arms.
And then you open your eyes and look at me. And I know you know what´s happened. But you don´t look angry or guilty, to my surprise you look sad. And it makes my heart shatter into a million pieces, which seems to be a very clichéd thing for me to say, but it is true.
"I need to go." You whisper, getting up and taking one of the sheets with you, covering your beautiful, slim form.
"Stay." I whisper back, but you don´t hear me or you just ignore my plea and gather your clothes together. And when the bedroom door falls shut behind you I realize that I´ve lost you forever.
I dress myself, listening to you rummage through my bathroom and, before I know what´s happening, I hear the bathroom door open again and I´m on my feet and out in the hallway.
As I reach for you, you turn away.
"Don´t." Your voice is low, but it sounds so soft I want to weep at the sound of it.
"Sara, I..."
"Grissom, it´s far too late."
And I know it is.
You take your bag up from the floor, the one you took to work to gather your belongings from your locker to take them home. Home which is now somewhere I can´t reach.
I try to take hold of you again and this time you don´t resist. My lips meet yours in a kiss so final it makes my heart bleed and the next moment you pull away again and put a finger onto my lips, shaking your head. You look so sad that it tears me apart inside and I finally let go of you.
"I love you." I whisper in a last attempt to hold you back, but you turn away from me and reach for the door.
"We both know that isn´t enough." Your voice cracks and you sob out the last words but still you move out the door and there´s nothing to hold you to me. This is our last goodbye.
And then the door closes behind you and your gone. Out of my life just like that and for the first time in thirty years a tear slips out of my eyes.
The end
A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated :-)