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Chapter 21

"Hey Jess its me... yeah I'm having a great time, do you have a few minutes to talk? Good... no I'm okay, there's no reason to worry... its... its just John is here, yeah... he's been here all week, he's been trying to make things up to me, he even told me he loves me almost a dozen times, yeah... I'm talking about the same John" Natalie told her sister into her cell phone as she chuckled with the last part.

"It's been unbelievable... yeah we've even made love... No Jess! You won't be getting any of those hot details" she said and laughed again, " how did you know there was a problem? Oh the twin thing and the fact that I sound strange for someone who's having a great time. Well... its... I'm still not sure... he's coming back home to Llanview, and... Well he seems to want things how they were before... yeah... but I can't have them like that again, I refuse to let go of my dreams again... of course I want those dreams with him, but... I don't think he's ready for them... no... We haven't spoken abut them... no! I'm not bringing it up... No, I'm not being stubborn again... I just don't know Jess, I might be waiting forever and ever for that life I've always wanted, a loving husband, three kids, a loving family...so you think I'm being ridiculous huh? By not saying a word to him... no! I'm not, he knows who I am, he's always known me and what I've wanted in life, he always got me, he knows what I'm looking for and I...I just don't want to get hurt again" she told her and sighed out loud, she was frustrated, she loved the jerk but she needed to move on.

"Jess, I just need to move on with or without him, as much as I love him, have ever loved him, I'm ready and I still doubt he will ever be... What? What will happen when we get back? ... Not a clue, I'm not sure if and when push comes to shove he will still be the sweet man that he's been here with me this week, I fear he could revert back to that arrogant ass he always does when work gets to him, or a case gets to him. I just need to protect my heart somehow, just not sure how" Natalie told her and took a break with her words, she listened to Jess for a few minutes.

"I know what you're saying, I just have to be careful... I know I'll be careful, give Brenna a kiss for me, tell her aunt Natalie will see her tomorrow when she gets back to town, I love you" Natalie told Jess and she got off the phone.

John was standing outside the door to the bathroom; she had taken herself in there to talk to her sister. He heard every word she said to her, all of it. He heard of her insecurities about him changing when they got back, him reverting back to an arrogant ass, but most of all he heard her say she wouldn't and couldn't afford to wait for him, even if she loved him so much.

John shook his head, she basically said she wouldn't put her dreams on hold again for him, she even said she wanted those dreams with him, that he should know about those dreams. He did know about her dreams, each and ever last one of them, they matched his, they always had, he just lost site of them when he got so wrapped up in his demons, his dad's murder. When he had become crippled emotionally for so long, he shook his head as he heard her come out of the bathroom, how? How did he show her he wanted those things, he couldn't just tell her, it wouldn't mean that much if he did, he needed to some how show her, but... how did he do that... they would be leaving for Llanview in the morning, early in the morning, he needed to act quick, come up with a plan, do something tonight.

John quickly walked into the living room and laid back down where she left him. He pretended to be asleep as he didn't see or hear her come from the bedroom, fifteen minutes later he heard her put something down on the table, and walk out the door of the suite, he opened his eye's and went over to the near by table.

Natalie had left him a note on the table, a note saying she wanted to get some shopping done, buy Brenna and Gabby some souvenirs and she didn't want to wake him from his afternoon nap. 'It was a good excuse' she told herself but she needed a bit more time to sort things out in her head alone.

John read her note, she said she went shopping and would be back later in time for dinner around 6. John knew he had to act quick come up with something. He wanted her to know, he wanted to show her that he wanted those things before they got back to Llanview. He wanted to show her things wouldn't be different once they got home.

John threw his clothes on and looked over to see a phone book on the nearby table that his pants were next too. He picked it up, started flipping thru it as he got an idea in his head.

Some time around six in the evening Natalie, a pretty buzzed Natalie entered the suite, she barely got the key card in the door and she almost fell coming into the room.

"Hey ya" she said as she saw him all dressed up and waiting on the couch for her to come back.

John took one look at her and she was on her way to being drunk, she was buzzed feeling no pain. He shook her head, he laughed even, and she was slurring her words and wasn't walking so straight.

John was dressed and had been waiting for her. He wanted to ask her to marry him tonight; he had a justice from one of the chapels on the strip coming to their suite in an hour to marry them even. He wanted to surprise her with that but she was drunk... how could he marry her drunk… he thought as he saw her take a seat on the couch.

John smirked; he would marry her tonight whether sober or drunk. She might not like the fact when they got back to Llanview but... She'd get over it, he loved her, and they loved each other.