AN: First of all: Thank you so much for all of your reviews! I love them! Please, please keep them coming!

Second of all: Sorry for the long wait. But I moved this weekend and at my new place I don't got Internet access, so I had to go to my parents house ... and let me tell you: Carrying around a computer? Not as fun at it sounds! lol! Why I didn't use a CD or disk? Because the computer I'm writing this stuff on is basically fucked up! Lol

Okay... to cut a long story short: Here's the next chapter! I hope you'll enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Nope! Nothing mine!

Chapter 5: Through your eyes

"Dinner will be ready in five!" Seth called through the open door. I decided to go for a swim in the pool, enjoying the last shafts of sunlight. I didn't get much of that that day. We'd spend the whole day in bed - again.

I climbed out of the pool and reached for a towel to dry myself.

"What'd you say? We could sail to Catalina, tomorrow." He suggested.

"Just the two of us?" I ran the towel through my wet hair.

"I wasn't planning on inviting anybody else... but if you have a nice female friend..."

I hit him playful on the butt with the wet towel. I was just leaning in to kiss him as the phone rings. Both of us froze.

"You should answer that." Seth let go of my waist after five more rings.

I took the cordless phone: "Hello?"

I actually noticed my voice cracking a little bit.

"Hey honey!" Oh my god, it's Zach!, was the only thing I could think that moment.

"Hey Zach!" I squeezed Seth's hand with my own. "How are you? The kids?"

"Oh, all of us are fine."

"Good. Are they sleeping already?"

"No. In fact they're right next to me. Wait a sec I put Lilly on."

Before I could even say no, my daughter was already talking to me: "Hey Mommy!"

"Hey Lilly!" Seth's face reflected pure guilt, and mine probably, too. Our hands entangled even tighter. "How are you?"

"I'm good. But I had a really bad dream last night! I dreamed that I woke up at night and was all alone! Nobody was there. Not you. Not Daddy. Not even Mike. And I cried for you, but you wouldn't hear me."

"It's okay honey. It was just a bad dream. Mama would never leave you."

"You promise?"

"Yeah. I promise."

"Pinky swear?"

I smiled: "Pinky swear!"

"Daddy wants to talk to you! Bye mommy!"

"Bye Sweetie."

"Hey Sum! I almost forgot: We will be back Sunday morning already. My parents have some business in Europe, to do."

"Really? That's great!" I had never been really good at lying but that had been the worst performance ever.

Although Zach didn't seem to realize it. He just kept telling me about how much fun he and the kids had, when his sister came to visit, which I couldn't really imagine considering what bitch that woman was.

"So, I'll see you Sunday, I guess?"

"Yeah... shall I pick you up at the airport?"

"No, we'll take a cab. Enjoy your time off. Listen I gotta go! I love you, Honey. Bye!"

"Bye!", I only answered before hanging up.

On my inner eye I could basically see the confused look on Zach's face. I love you too, only three days ago saying these words would have been the most normal thing in the world. But with Seth next to me I just couldn't. It would've felt like I'd cheated on him, too.

"So, what did he say?"

"They'll be back on Sunday."

"And what happens with us once they're back?", he reached for my other hand playing with it.

I broke away from him, with slight anger in my voice: "You're asking me?"

"Well, considering you're the one who is married and not willing to leave: Yes! I'm asking you!" Great, now he's pissed, I thought. "You could just give me a damn answer, instead of trying to make me decide everything!"

"A answer to what?"

"You gotta choose Summer! What do you want?"

"If you think I'll just leave my family because of you, you have a much bigger ego then I thought!"

"I never asked you, too!... And I never would!"

"Then what do you want from me?" I yelled at him desperately.

"All I want is you. You telling me that this isn't just some affair... all I want is a god damn sign of you that you love me just the way I love you... that this isn't something you pull every time your husband isn't here... "

"Of course it isn't...", I buried my face behind my hands for a moment. "I told you before. I love you!"

"Then why are you like that? Why are you acting like none of this is your business. Act like a lover, a wife or a mother whenever you feel like it... Act like you don't need me!"

"I need you so much, you fucking idiot!" I felt the tears burning in my eyes and got all my strength and arrogance together so they wouldn't fall.

"Then why don't you show me?", he was just as upset as I was.

"I don't wanna need you...", I explained.

"Why?"

"Because, I can't have you!"

He embraced me protective: "Oh Summer... "

"I love you", I tiptoed and kiss him tenderly. "Don't you ever forget that."

"I love you, too. And I won't." He kissed me back and pulled me closer. "How does dinner sound?"

"Sounds great...", I smiled and looked down on me. "Let me just get my robe."

"Why robe?" He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in a glowing kiss.

After recovering my breathe, I took a look down on him and smiled at him seductively: "Don't you think it's unfair if only I'm in my bikini?"

"Okay, Summer I love you, but there's just no way I will put on a bikini."

"Shut up Cohen..." My hands wandered under his open shirt and shoved it over his shoulders. When I started to kiss his chest fondly he backed out and held my wrists: "Do you want the soufflé to be burned again?"

"You're thinking about the soufflé right now?", with furrowed brows I looked at him. "Something really is wrong with you..."

"I just got my priorities in order. There are kids starving in the third world as talk!"

"You know what, weirdo?", he got a kiss on the cheek. "You set up the table... And I get myself dressed..."

As I went upstairs he threw a disappointed glance after me.

It took me a while to choose what to wear, as usual, but when I was almost finished and just about to get down again I heard a female scream downstairs.

Not bothering I was just wearing a bra and jeans I ran downstairs. Arrived in the kitchen I found Marissa looking first at Seth, than at me in confusion.

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"You slut!" Marissa laughed after I dragged her into the pool house with me. "I can't believe you're just cheating on Zach like that!"

"You are a fine one to talk!", I sat down on the couch.

"When did this happen?", Marissa took a seat next to me, ignoring my comment.

"Tuesday..."

"And how comes I don't know him? When did you meet him?"

"Monday." I smirked, a little bit embarrassed.

"You know him for four days now and he's walking around in your house just like that?"

"This is not like you and your pool boys... I never felt connected like that to anyone..."

"Not even Zach?", she went into it.

"No. I love Zach, really... it's just... I mean, I don't remember the last time that my husband made love to me so passionately that he transported me to Africa, for Christs sakes! And frankly...I don't think he ever has!"

"So you're saying it's all about the sex?"

"No!" I let myself fall back frustrated. "I know it sounds weird because I just met him and stuff but I really do love him!"

"And does he feel the same way?"

I could feel my face getting a dreamy expression: "Yes he does... It's really weird, you know... with Zach it took me over a year till I could tell him I love him... "

"You are not gonna leave Zach, are you? ..."

I shook my head: "The kids are barely out of diapers... How could I do something like that to them... What am I going to do Marissa?"

"Do what Jim Carrey said: 'Enjoy it'"

"If I only I could erase Seth from my memory..."

"Oh girl... what am I gonna do about you?" Marissa put an arm on my shoulder an pulled me close.

"Got a little drink?"

Marissa silently nodded and pulled a flask out of her purse. After I'd took a sip I had to pull myself up to not spit it out again.

"What is that?" I asked coughing.

"Vodka", she took a sip herself, shrugging.

"How can you drink that pure?"

She shrugged again: "You get used to it."

I got up and started to rearrange the pillows on the couch to distract myself: "Was there any particular reason why you came over tonight."

"No and yeah... Luke brought one of his bimbos home. I had to get the kids and myself out of the house."

"Where are they now?" I walked over too the bed and smooth the covers. My mother used to call that occupational therapy.

"I carried them to there friends house. For a sleepover. I didn't want them to see him like that ... or me..." She drank another time out of her flask. I took it out of her hand but instead of drinking too, I poured all into the sink.

"What is your problem?", she looked at me angrily.

"You want to give Luke another reason for shipping you off to rehab again?"

She silently looked down to the floor and played with the cord of her purse.

"He won't send me to rehab again..."

"Are you filling for divorce?" I stopped in the middle of my cleaning-up-action and looked at her. There was something in her voice I definitely didn't like.

"No ... we don't have a prenuptial... the alimenty would kill him..."

"Marissa what's going on?" I sat down next to her.

"He told me that he's just waiting for me to take my next OD... he wants me to drink myself to death..." She cried now.

"Oh sweetie!" I embraced her tightly.

Even if I felt really sorry for her, I was amazed how she managed to make everything about herself again. As always. I told her about my worry s and fears and somehow she was the one who ended up crying.

"Listen Marissa I really should go back to Seth..."

She wiped away some tears and straightened up: "Could I maybe spend the night here? In the pool house? I promise I won't disturb you guys."

I softly nodded: "Of course. You know the ropes... make yourself at home."

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A few hours later Seth and I had made ourself comfortable in bed again. We both laid on our side looking at each other. Kind of like Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

"I think I almost like these after sex talks more then the sex itself..." He gave me a glare. "Well, just almost!"

"I know what you mean. Even with Anna, who was just like me ... apart from she was very confident and strong ... I've never experienced something like this before."

"Zach is... actually he is emotional and stuff, but ... somehow I never felt comfortable talking to him like that..."

"And you do with me?"

I rolled myself over so we were spooning: "Yes I do."

"I'm flattered, I really am but why? Why don't you talk to him?"

"I have trust issues..."

"How comes?" he was spreading kisses all over my neck.

I leaned back and closed my eyes: "My mom left when I was thirteen. When my dad told me she was gone for good, I didn't come out of my room for three days, then something clicked and I didn't let anybody come to close to me after that..."

"Until now?"

Whoever I am now
It feels like enough
And I see a girl
Who is learning to trust
That's who I see through your eyes

I nodded and kissed him intensely: "Until you."

"So do you wanna sail to Catalina, tomorrow?"

"I'd loved to."

TBC

AN: So what do you think? Comments? Suggestions? Requests? Don't mince words!

Love ya all!

Christina

Next chap: "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"