The Long Way Home

by Sorsha711

How do you leave the only home you have ever known? Erestor reflects on his life and loves as he completes his final duties as Imladris’ Chief Counsellor. a prequel to In the Garden

4. Chapter 4 Home

Title: The Long Way Home, Chapter 4

Author: Sorsha711
Fandom/Pairing: Erestor/OFC, others implied
Rating: R
Warning: AU (Story set in Imladris 133 years after ROTK); Het.
Feedback: Constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive: AFF; FF
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Lady Victoria for betaing this fic.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Prof. Tolkien. Just because they come alive in my imagination doesn't make them mine. Sigh!
Summary: Erestor reflects on his life and loves as he completes his final duties as Imladris' Chief Counsellor --- a prequel to In the Garden

I would really appreciate some feedback… please!

Chapter 4 --- Home

Erestor paused near the doorway leading to the family rooms of the great house. An open archway onto a patio altered the acoustics in this portion of the sprawling complex, changing the roar of the falls into a gentle rumble. While the basic design of the Last Homely House had been entirely of Elrond's imagining, he had encouraged its other residents to contribute to the final plans. In the end, their home had been crafted rather than built and the special gifts granted to her many people had shaped it in the most surprising of ways.

His father, ever the consummate musician, had spent endless hours carefully adjusting the position of the various hallways, arches, windows, and vaulted chambers to meet the precise calculations necessary to fulfil his unique vision. As an elfling, Erestor had watched with great curiosity as the angles of walls and the alignment of openings were carefully marked and measured. Though his changes had often times been subtle and were easily overlooked, it was his Adar's contribution that had created the special magic of Imladris… a magic that lingered in the hearts of visitors long after they left the valley.

Lindir had listened… listened to the ceaseless flow of falls and the river, the ever-changing currents of the wind that swept down the steep slopes of the cliffs that guarded the valley, the murmur of the trees in the woods the surrounding them, and combined what he had heard with his memories of the sounds of the creaks and groans of a house as it aged. When he was finished, the Last Homely House was not simple a sanctuary; it had become a massive musical instrument that channelled the unique sounds of Imladris into a harmonious symphony that breathed life into stone and wood.

The Last Homely House was unique in all of Arda, or at least in all of Middle-earth. Elrond had brought his love of the natural world and his burning need for a sanctuary from the harsh realities of the rest of this land to his plans. His naneth had seen those plans through the eyes of a mother and had organized the rambling complex into a home for her extended family. Glorfindel had viewed the valley with the heart of a warrior and the soul of an artist. He made sure their home could be easily defended, but graced its hard surfaces with murals of profound beauty. His father had given it voice and he had been her caretaker.

Everywhere he looked, he saw a mark left behind by some long gone friend or loved one. Everywhere he stood, he heard the spirit of his father in the very air that whispered down the halls. His heart beat in harmony with the sounds of this valley and sang to the music his father had created. /How do I leave this behind… never to hear this again/

Knowing there was no satisfactory answer to this question, he turned the knob of the door and entered a long hallway. With his mother's guidance, Elrond had clustered all of the rooms reserved for their family in one large wing of the house. Each suite had its own sitting room, bath, and separate sleeping chamber, but it was in the shared rooms that the family lived most of its evenings.

One room, its door open to the hallway, drew his attention. In the years before they had started the school, the elders of the family had taught their elflings in its sunny confines. It had been one of the first rooms Elrond had completed so that it was available for Erestor's classes. Stepping inside, he let his eyes drink in the many drawings the generations of children had made to cover the plain white walls. /I started it… though Nana was not pleased to see my attempts at artistic expression! Ada and Glorfindel had to talk her out of having the wall repainted and then encouraged me to add new drawings. I was obviously not destined to be a great artist, but they still wanted to foster my interest./

Noting the works of his brother, Glaurlas, the twins, Arwen, his own children and grandchildren, and Mel's children and grandchildren, Estel… Arwen and Estel's children and grandchildren, he felt the press of time for the first time in his long life. For all the changes that had taken place in his life, their move to Aman promised to replace everything he had known with something new and he fought the desire to rebel against the call.

Walking through the room, he opened each cabinet as he came to it, searching the dark corners for lost treasures. A sudden bright laugh captured his attention and he walked to the window to see what was happening to cause this joyous response on such a sad day. Below, in the small courtyard serving the main family sitting room, he watched as Glaurlas and Mel's wife, Ivorithil, helped several mother cats coax their kittens into a number of large, roomy baskets for the trip to Aman.

The cats had been part of Imladris since the beginning, the line begun by several strays that had climbed into the wagons fleeing Eregion under Elrond's protection. His mother's two cats had been the only ones to have an elf of their own, but the others had soon found homes. A large orange tabby had declared the lord of the valley as his personal servant and caregiver, much to the peredhel's amusement. Most of the cats that now called the valley home had descended from those hardy stowaways. Those that claimed their family would once again journey with their elves to a new home… those that had not already crossed the sea with Elrond and his parents.

Smiling as he watched his youngest son arrive to carry the baskets to the wagons, he let his gaze linger on the golden head of his wife. Feeling his gaze, Glaurlas looked up to meet his eyes. The love that shown from their sky-blue depths took his breath away as they always did. Lost for the moment in their lustre, he asked himself for the countless time/why did it take me so long to notice… to recognize that look? I was so consumed with the past, I almost missed my future…/

-----

Imladris, TA 236

Striding down the long hall from the family quarters, he wondered/what is it my father and Elrond found so amusing about sending me to fetch Glaurlas from the library? It would have made more sense to send Mel. My little brother is rather slow in his courtship of Las, so it would make more sense to send him to find her. He needs to be nudged in the right direction if he is to make any progress in winning her hand. Nana is becoming less than subtle in her comments about wanting a daughter-in-law and grandchildren. They need to take him in hand and shove him out of their nest so that he feels the urge to make one of his own/

Quietly opening a side door into the main library, Erestor quickly scanned the massive room for the elleth. A flash of brilliant gold drew his attention and he moved slowly through the stacks to a large table surrounded by towering shelves of manuscripts, scrolls, and maps. It did not occur to him at the time to wonder that he alone never had any trouble finding Glaurlas. He had, in recent years, developed a flawless instinct for sensing her spirit… another source of great amusement for his kin.

/I should not begrudge Elrond whatever amusement he finds in this. He has little enough to make him happy since his marriage other than his sons. I wish there had been another option for him rather than marrying that poor excuse for an elleth. He deserves so much better than her cold, biting tongue and shallow self-absorption. I still feel it would have been easier to convince the nay-sayers that he was the rightful heir of the king, than tie himself to that one… may time prove me wrong/ This silent rant had become an old and frustrating refrain in the years since his sworn brother and lord had married the only child of the rulers of the Golden Wood.

Shaking off his regrets over his friend's sacrifice, he let his attention focus on the elleth bent over the table, reading a dusty tome from the First Age. The delicate beauty of the tiny elfling he had once tutored had matured into the breathtaking vision before him. Like her uncle, Glaurlas possessed a mane of thick, glistening golden hair that fell in deep waves down her back. Her eyes were a paler sky-blue than Glorfindel's, and had the power to rob him of breathe. Why this was left him confused and too uncomfortable to speculate. She had also inherited her uncle's mischievous personality, thought it had been slow to appear. His younger brother had long been her favourite target, retaliation no doubt for the early years of torment at his hand.

In the end, however, it was not her fair features or playful attitude that seemed to draw his notice. Glaurlas had proven to be a fine scholar and had absorbed all the information he had shared with her over the years with an endless hunger. It had come as no surprise to him when she finally approached Elrond to offer her serves as a scribe in the library.

In a voice far more solemn than was his normal tone with their family, he had gently declined her offer… before asking her to instead report to his office in the morning to begin her training as a junior counsellor under Erestor's supervision. He still wondered at the wink and conspiratorial grin Elrond had shared with his Ada over her shoulder as he was hugged soundly by the delighted elleth.

/They are up to something… I can feel it. I would ask Nana, but she seems to be a part of it too, as does Mel. I must keep my eyes open because I refuse to be taken unawares in one of their games! Ada is as bad as Elrond/ he decided, still lost in his silent appreciation of the lovely elleth.

"Did you need me for something, Erestor?"

Startled, he found that the sky-blue eyes he had been contemplating had turned up to meet his brown ones. Tamping down the blush that threatened to spread across his face, he nodded his head. "Indeed. Elrond and Ada asked me to find you. They have finished their new composition and wanted you to join the rest of us to hear them perform it."

Erestor was surprised to note her bright smile dimmed a little upon hearing his answer. Dropping her gaze back to the parchment in front of her, she quietly replied, "Would you please tell them I will be there shortly. I wish to finish my report before I retire to the family rooms for the evening."

"Report? What report keeps you working so late, Las? I was not aware you had any pressing items to complete," he commented, bothered by her uncharacteristically subdued response.

Keeping her eyes focused on the work before her, Glaurlas sighed. "It is not pressing, but I wanted to complete my research on the advantages and weaknesses of various types of beans early, so that you could finish your report on expanding our field crops. I know Elrond wanted it as quickly as possible so that decisions could be made well before spring."

Pleased by her dedication to her work, he moved to look over her shoulder at the document before her. "Excellent! I had been hoping to finish that report by the end of the week. If you have this part finished, I would appreciate you help in researching several other crops. How far are you from being finished?"

Smiling shyly up at him, she offered, "I should be finished within the hour. I would be glad to help you with the remaining research. What information can do you need me to gather?"

Pulling up a chair to her right, he reached for the finished pages neatly stacked to one side of the one she was completing. "I have a list of several crops that I have not had time to research and had planned to give them to Glanfer in the morning, but, since you have finished this part, you will be better able to find this information quickly. Excellent work, Las!"

Glancing up, he was captured by a beaming smile turned in his direction. To his surprise and dismay, he felt himself becoming aroused by the sight of her lovely features glowing with happiness in response to his complement. /I wonder what she looks like after she has been kissed? Does she glow like… Ai! What am I thinking? She is little more than a child. I was her tutor for Eru's sake! Besides, she and Mel are destined for each other… we have said this since she was a tiny elfling/

Rising quickly to his feet, he bowed formally, needing to flee her presence immediately. "Thank you for your good work, Glaurlas. Come by my office in the morning and I will assign you the other items that need to be researched. Do not linger here much longer, for I am sure Mel is waiting for you to join him… as are the others."

To his amazement, the dazzling smile faded instantly and her face closed to him. "I will do that. Thank you."

Unsure of what to say/This is very much out of character for Las… this rapid shifting of moods. I hope she is well, for she is not usually given to such behaviour./ Erestor bowed again and hurried from the library. Had he looked back he would have noted the disappointment clearly marking the elleth's face. He would have also noticed the three elves in the corner.

-----

Moving quietly through the doorway onto the patio, the three eavesdroppers shared a frustrated look. "For such a wise elf, he is completely clueless in this!"

"Aye, Ada, you are right. What can we do to help him open his eyes?" Melpomaen asked, his concern evident.

"Little, I suspect. He must come to this knowledge on his own… in his own time. If we push too hard, he may become stubborn or withdraw more completely." Glancing up at their tall companion, Lindir asked, "Any ideas, Elrond?"

"I am afraid you are right, meldir. He is not yet ready to accept this. In his mind, he still sees the tiny elfling that arrived here so frightened and alone. Until he allows himself to acknowledge the change in how he views her… feels about her, he will not allow himself to consider Las as someone he may court." Looking at Melpomaen, he observed, "And, I suspect he still holds to the idea the two of you would make a good match. You are right; he is clueless for someone so wise!" (friend)

Chuckling, the younger elf nodded. "Glaurlas and me! Has he never noted how we argue constantly and delight in playing practical jokes on each other? We would not survive a week if we tried to court!"

Sobering, he noted, "Still, I hate to see Las so disappointed each time he walks away. If he would only look, he could not miss the hurt he causes her each time he does this."

"Indeed… for such a wise elf…" drifted across the patio as the three elves walked away to rejoin their family and prepare for an evening of music.

-----

Stepping out of the deep shadows cast by the house, Erestor watched the three disappear into the garden, taking its winding paths back to the family wing. Moving to sit on the side of a large fountain, he let the shock he was feeling settle over his mind and heart. /Las… and me? That is what they have been scheming to accomplish? I must be wrong! Surely they cannot approve of my courting her! Mel is… Nay, apparently, I was wrong to have assumed their match. He is right… they do fight like… like brother and sister./

Lost in thought, he sat long into the night considering his feelings for the elleth in question. /Surely they are wrong. Las and me/

-----

Imladris, TA 248

His work finished for the day, Erestor rose from behind his desk and stacked together the last documents that needed Elrond's approval into a manageable pile. Sliding his hand underneath to avoid wrinkling a thick stack of letters, he moved silently over to the door that connected his office to his lord's. Hearing a response to his knock, he pushed open the door and carried his load over to Elrond's desk.

"Here are the letters you dictated this morning. Your scribe completed them earlier and I have proofed them for errors. They are ready for your signature. I also have a draft of the trade agreement with the Prince of Belfalas ready for your comments. We can discuss it in the morning. The final document is Glorfindel's weekly report. He left it while you were teaching the advanced class this afternoon," he concluded, smiling to lesson the formality of his speech.

"Thank you, my friend. We have had a productive day. Leave it all on my desk and I will sign the letters in the morning." Rising from behind the massive desk, Elrond gestured for Erestor to precede him out of the door onto the balcony beyond. "Join me for a glass of wine before we end our work day. I still have some time before I dare turn up at the nursery. Her minder will be giving Arwen her bath and I have been banned from being there for that event. Apparently, she expects to play when she sees me and is difficult to hold still and bathe if I arrive too early!"

"My niece is enchanting, but she may be more… mischievous that the twins combined!" Erestor teased. "Ada insists she reminds him of you when you were an elfling."

The doting father assumed an innocent expression, a look that he had passed down to his three children. "I deny that! I was a near perfect child… he confuses me with Elros! Still, I think we are in for a difficult few years until she settles down. If she is like the twins…"

"She will still be a handful long after her majority! Your boys show no sign of settling down anytime soon… except now their mischief tends to involve ellith or playing jokes on poor Glorfindel." Laughing, he corrected himself. "What am I saying? Glorfindel taught them most of what they know and is just as dangerous in a group of ellith as they are! He deserves anything he gets!"

Taking a sip of the wine he had poured, Elrond studied his friend. "I seem to recall the same could have been said for you at that age. Glorfindel's influence too?"

A wistful smile transformed the oft times too serious face of his chief counsellor. "No doubt… Glorfindel and you! Life was… in some ways, simpler then… or that is my memory, at least. Then came the War… the death of the king… Isildur… your need to marry Celebrian to unite our peoples… it all seems to have lost its innocence."

Frowning slightly at the melancholy tone, Elrond decided to confront his friend's avoidance of risk… and therefore, life. "Perhaps it has… or perhaps we have simply forgotten how to take joy from life. You and I share a trait, gwador. We are too given to living in the past and ignoring the present. We forget to look for those simple pleasures we used to love so." (sworn brother)

Chuckling softly, Erestor stared into his glass of wine as it contained the secrets of Eä. "I have wondered how long it would be before you gave me this 'talk'"

Fixing him with a fond smile, Elrond asked, "So, you know what I plan to say? Tell me and spare us both the telling on my part."

Opting to cut directly to the chase, he offered but one word… a name. "Gaerfin."

"She would have stayed had you asked, but you know this already. Why do you cling to your hurt, as if she abandoned you? You never let her close again once you returned from Mordor." Watching the tightly closed face across from him for any sign of his thoughts, the peredhel pressed. "Was it really such a surprise when she sailed?"

Erestor was silent for a long time… so long Elrond had begun to doubt he would answer his question. "Aye, it was. I know that defies logic for I gave her no hope or encouragement that my heart remained true to her, but… I did not expect her to leave me. It hurt… badly, when she did."

"Why?" Seeing the question in his friend's eyes before he could voice it, he added, "Why did you expect her to stay? Did you say anything that should have made her hope you would soon snap out of the depression that descended on you in Mordor and make good on the promise you had made to her before you marched? Did you truly love her Erestor, or did you simply enjoy her company when things were 'simple'?"

Unwilling to answer the question, Erestor rose and walked over to the railing to watch the sun set behind mountains. Movement in the gardens below drew his gaze. His heart skipped a beat as Glaurlas came into view in the middle of the path through the hundreds of roses Elrond and his mother grew. He watched with hungry eyes as she bent to inhale the fragrance of a rose, a delicate golden yellow bloom with a blush of pink at its tips that Elrond had names in her honour on her coming of age birthday.

To her right, an ellon appeared. Erestor recognized him immediately as one of the warriors Glorfindel had been grooming as a future commander for the Imladrian Guard. It occurred to him that he had seen this particular elf on a number of occasions lately… always when Glaurlas was near. Without realising it, his hands clinched the railing and an angry scowl transformed his face. /How dare he…/

A gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder. Startled, he looked around to find that Elrond had joined him at the railing and was watching the scene below. "You lost Gaerfin because you did not love her enough to risk making a mistake that she might not be the right elleth for you. Do you want to take that same risk with Glaurlas? Do you have the right to expect her to wait forever? Think on that, gwador. I would hate to see us both lose the chance to marry for love." (sworn brother)

Patting Erestor's shoulder in support, Elrond set his empty glass on a nearby table. "I must take my leave. The most beautiful elleth in all of Arda is waiting for me to read her a story and tuck her in for the night. I will see you at dinner."

/Am I willing to take that risk… the risk this time that I might lose her forever to another because I am too scared to open my heart to her/ His heart clinched into a tight ball of fear at the thought. /I must either accept that I will lose her… or seek to win her hand./

As if feeling his eyes on her, Glaurlas looked up. In that moment, their world changed.

-----

Hesitating but a moment as the evening meal ended, Erestor followed Glaurlas out of the side door into the gardens rather than return to the family sitting rooms to read or join in one of the other activities his family enjoyed. "Las… do you mind if I join you for your walk?"

He did not miss the hope that sprung to life in her eyes, nor miss the glow that brightened her features. He knew in his heart she was seeing the same outward signs in his own face and, to his surprise, he was glad that this was the case. Offering her his arm, he covered her small hand with his much larger one. A soft sigh left her lips and he glanced down to find her shining face turned up to his. The past fell away and the present… their future began.

-----

An amused laugh broke though the memory. His sister-in-law shook her head at him, obviously having enjoyed the sight of the pair of them lost in each others eyes. Smiling, he mused/Thil should be used to the sight after so many centuries. I have been lost in my beloved wife's eyes since that moment on the balcony of Elrond's study… and I have no intention of ever trying to free myself. My heart found its home that day./

-----

Ivorithil (Crystal moon) --- Melpomaen's wife, a Teleri healer from the Havens that came to Imladris to train with Elrond and found her love. Her name is shortened to Thil.

Glanfer (White beech) --- a scribe who was mentioned briefly in my other story, "In the Garden". Glanfer's elflings meet Elrond and Meril in a garden and he tells them a story about a meeting he had with Treebeard.