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Chapter 8: It's Only Make Believe

That can't be me.

I stood in front of the mirror, staring at the woman looking back at me. Almost ten hours of crying and no sleep didn't vanish without exact its toll. My hair wasn't shiny and smooth like it usually was. It was brittle and gave my face an unusual hard shape. The make up, that had been perfect a few hours ago, was now spread all over my face. It almost made me look like a clown. Too bad I hated clowns.

I knew exactly why I decided, years ago, not to cry anymore. Cuz every time I did my eyes were all swollen and red and it make me look like one of the vampires from Buffy.

Sighting I grabbed a scrunchy and turned my hair into a messy bun. Yesterday around that time I had been still happy with Seth. We had been lying on his boat. Kissing, touching, joking, laughing. A look at my watch told me that I had not even two hours left till Zach and the kids would arrive.

"I need a drink!", I muttered to myself and shuffled, still in a pair of tracksuit pants and Seth's shirt, downstairs. Arrived in the house bar I met the reason why I shouldn't drink out of worries and problems.

"Oh my! Marissa!", I stormed to my friend who had fallen asleep on the floor, in a pool of slopped whiskey.

"Hey Sum!", she held onto me and I helped her getting up. "You look terrible..."

"Oh thank you! I can return that compliment to you!"

"You haven't been drinking and crying for the last day, have you?"

I shook my head and lead her to the pool house: "No, not drinking... although I wanted to start now."

"I don't recommend it!", she told and held her head dramatically.

"So you and Seth broke up?"

"It would have required that we're dating for us to break up", I told her, and let go of her hand so she could lay in the bed.

"But--"

"No but!", I cut her off harshly. "I'll file Seth Cohen as a wonderful experience that just wasn't meant to be."

She gave me a glare.

"What? I'm fine with that! Really!"

"I can totally see that!", she responded cynically. "You wearing his shirt, you look like you cried all night and you wanted to drink at nine o'clock in the morning. Clearly you feel great!"

"I'll go now and clean up inside." I told her coldly. I refused to sit here and be judged by Vodka-Woman.

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"Mommy!"

I jerked and out of reflex, put the painting of myself into the drawer of my desk. Turning around I found my smiling daughter standing in front of me.

"Hey Lilly!", I embraced her tightly, swallowing my tears for the hundredth time today. "How are you? Where is your Daddy and Michael?"

"Hey Honey!"

There he was. My perfect loving husband with our son in his arms. I looked into Zach's face and it happened as I prefigured. I compared him to Seth and I wanted to lie down and cry again.

"Zach! Hey!", I put on my loving wifey face and with Lilly at my hand I walked over to him to hug him. Out of an old habit he leaned over and wanted to kiss me. Quickly I turned away so he only got my cheek. Something that had seem so normal only a few days ago seemed like the worst thing now.

"Everything okay?", he asked, sounding concerned and put an arm around my waste, pulling me close.

"Of course!", I showed him the brightest fake smile, freed myself out of his arms and took Michael out of his arms. "Hi Baby! It's so good have you back!"

"We were with granny and grams!", he told me in a the cheery naive way that only kids had.

I took Lilly's hand in mine and lead her and Michael to the kitchen without giving Zach a chance to ask any other questions.

"How about a sundae of ice cream? I bet you've got a lot you wanna tell me about!", the two smiling and nodding faces told me that I suggested the right thing.

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It had become night and the kids were asleep. Even though the temperature had dropped about 30 degrees in the last two hours it was still sticky everywhere.

Zach already lay in bed, wearing nothing but boxer shorts, I still stood in the bathroom and put on all kind of lotions. I was trying to avoid going to bed as long as possible. My guilty feeling hadn't disappeared like I hoped. And my thoughts about Seth had become more instead of going away. How was I supposed to sleep together with my husband inside of this bed?

"So Marissa will stay here for a few days?", Zach asked

"She had fight with Luke again. Maybe she'll divorce that asshole this time!"

"You say that every time she moves in our pool house. But in the end she always goes back to him."

"And you think that's the right thing do to?", I spread the lotion over my hands. Massaging it in.

"Well, they have two kids who just entered preschool. You think it's healthy for them to grow up in a destroyed family?"

"Healthier than growing up in a family of fight, tears and unhappiness", I closed the bathroom door and sat down on my side of the bed, rummaging around in my nightstand.

"It's a good thing we don't have to worry about stuff like that!"

When Zach slipped over to me and started kissing my shoulder I tensed up. He didn't notice. His hands slid around my waste and started to caress my chest.

"Zach...", I carefully shoved away his hands when he was trying to work his way underneath my nighty.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm just tired and not really in the mood, that's all", I looked onto the floor and was kind of amazed by the lying skills I had developed.

"Are you sure everything is okay? You've been acting differently since we arrived."

"I've got headache that's killing me! So just back off, alright?"

I was terribly pissed that moment. I even hated Zach a little bit. Although I had no reason and no idea why. In all of this he was the most innocent person.

He lifted his hand in defense: "I'm sorry. I didn't know. Good night."

With those words he turned around and laid down to sleep.

I just sat there with tears in my eyes. Was this the way my marriage was going to be from now on? My life?

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"Good morning my beautiful darling!", Zach entered the bedroom with a tray and a great looking breakfast on it in his hands and a rose between his lips.

My mood from last night was still the same. I swung my legs out of the bed.

"I'm going to take a shower!"

"Why are you like that? I haven't done anything but trying to be nice to you, since I came back! And all you do is pushing me away!"

I stopped in the middle of the room.

"What? Pushing you away? Because I didn't want to sleep with you last night?"

"Oh come on! You know this isn't about sex! And you know it! So just tell me, what the hell is wrong!

For a moment I thought about telling him everything. Telling him how I wasn't happy, how I hadn't been in quite a while. Telling him about Seth Cohen.

"How about you get the kids ready? I promised Taylor we would make an appearance at that auction, today."

"Since when do you care about any promises you made towards Taylor?"

"Since when do you miss out a chance to collect potential votes?", I returned venomously.

"Stop it! What happened to us, Summer? We barley fought in the past."

When I saw the desperate look on his face, I suddenly felt sorry. None of this had been his fault and still I treated him like he was the one that had cheated.

"I'm sorry Zach", my voice got a little bit softer and so did my mimic. "I'm just like totally keyed up. This heat is driving me crazy."

"Well, on the radio they said it thunderstorms tonight. Maybe we can talk when you're cooled down?"

I nodded slowly.

"Okay... I'll get the kids ready", he kissed my forehead and left the room.

When I was inside the shower and let the cold water run down my body, leaned back against the tiles, rethinking everything again.

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When we arrived at the community center I was back in my role of the perfect wife and mother of a successful politician. I wore my favorite Prada sundress and Zach looked great in his Armani suite. Lilly held my hand and looked around well-behaved, while Michael, tired out by the heat, had fallen asleep in his buggy. But the most dishonest thing about this picture of the perfect family was me and Zach holding hands.

In confidence, with my head in the air I stepped inside the room. I knew it was probably just imagination but I had the feeling that it got quieter in the room and everybody looked at us when we entered. As I spotted Seth standing at the other end of the room talking to some Newpsies my heart stopped for a second. I had been in the steady thought that he had left the other night. Before he had the chance to see me I had excused myself and flew into the ladies room.

When I sat there, on the floor of the stall leaned back against the door I couldn't help but laugh. This was exactly like the first time I'd met him. Just that this time it was even more angsty. The first time nor Zach, Lilly or Michael had been here.

"Are you planning to hide in there all day?"

"Taylor...", I got up straightened my dress and stepped out, facing my her. "Are you stalking me now?"

"He's planning to leave tonight, you know...", she set her champagne glass next to the sink down.

"What are you talking about?" I decided to play dumb. Of course I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

Touche.

"Taylor... I don't have time for this! If you got something to say, say it now!", I was getting annoyed. It was obvious that she knew something about Seth.

She thrusted her glass into my hand: "Here. I think you have more need for that, than I do."

True thing. I sighted and downed the drink with one gulp.

"Summer, I just want you to know... I know what you're going through. If you ever want to talk..."

The glare I gave her must have been deadly evil cuz she added a quick: "Not ready yet. Alrighty!" and left. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighted. Boy, I had sighted a lot during those last five days.

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"Hey there you are Honey! I just wanted to start looking for you", Zach pulled me close and kissed my cheek. "Everything okay?"

I nodded with a forced smile: "It's just that damn headache. I think the weather is going to change."

"Well that would be a great relieve", Marissa popped into our conversation. "We could all need a little bit of a cool down, right Summer?"

"Why do I still introduce you to other people as my best friend?", I muttered under my breath.

"What are you whispering?", she looked at me innocent.

Sometimes I asked myself what kind of damage all of that booze had already done to her brain. In one moment she could be the biggest bitch and in the next she was my best friend again. I had to watch out, so she wouldn't tell Zach about Seth in one of her drunkenness.

"Hello! Earth to Summer!", she waved her hand around in front of my face until I shrieked out of my thoughts.

"Huh? What were you saying?"

She shook her head and smiled affectively: "You for sure need a cool down!"

"I think she's right Summer, you look a little bit pale."

"I'm fine! Maybe it's because I didn't eat anything today. Yeah... probably hypoglycemia..."

"Well I'm gonna go and get you something to eat and to drink. Lilly wanna come with me?"

"It's to hot to walk!", she sighted dramatically and leaned back in the couch.

"Aw... to bad. I think then I'll gonna eat that ice cream myself", he winked and turned around to walk away when she jumped up.

"Wait!", she grabbed his hand and together they walked towards the buffet.

"Don't you want a ice cream, too?", I asked Michael who sat on my lap.

Sighting he rested his head against my chest: "I know exactly that daddy won't forget about me. I think he also would've gotten Lilly one if she stayed. But sometimes she's just stupid."

"My little smart ass!", smiling I kissed his head.

"Hey."

"I thought you wanted to walk off that sneaking thing", I smiled at him softly.

I was worried about talking to him all day but when he stood there suddenly, it was like all the pressure was of. There was a clear line between us. And that line was my son who was sitting on my lap.

"Is it okay if I...", he gestured around and pointed at the couch I was sitting on.

I nodded: "Of course. Sit."

Awkwardly he sat next to me: "Listen Summer..."

"Who are you?", Michael suddenly asked. I thought he had fallen asleep.

"I'm Seth. And you must be Michael."

Michael reached out his small hand. "Yes. How do you know?"

"Your Mom told me."

"Hey Mike! Why don't you go over and see if Daddy and Lilly need help with the ice cream."

"But I wanna stay with you!", he slung his hands around my neck.

"But if you don't watch out Lilly will eat up your ice!"

"Okay I'll go. I'll keep her from eating up yours, too!"

"Thanks, sweetie!", I stroked his hair and watched after him smiling.

"He's really cute."

"Yeah, he is. A little smart ass though."

"Are you happy?", he looked into my eyes intensely.

My hope, my dreams come true
My life I'd give for you
My heart, the wedding ring
My all, my everything
My heart I can't control
You rule my very soul
My only prayer will be
Someday you'll care for me
But it's only make believe

"Please don't ask me that, Seth."

We both sat there in silence for a moment. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Was I gonna break down into tears or kiss him passionately.

"Hey Honey! I brought you an ice cream too. I hope that's all right!", Zach broke our intimate silence.

"Yeah that's all right! Thanks!", I took the sundae from his hands and put it down on the table in front of me.

After a little trouble we had about the kids sundaes we all that there, Seth between us.

"I'm sorry, I think we haven't met", Zach turned to Seth.

"Oh yeah. Zach that is Seth Cohen he's an upstreaming artist who donated one of his works for today. Seth that is my husband Zach."

Both nodded at each other and shook hands in front of me.

"Hey Seth. Why don't you sit with us during the auction? My wife and I would be delighted!"

Your wife sure would be!, I thought.

Seth gave me an stealthy side glance and agreed then: "Sure. I mean it's either you or sitting with Taylor Townsend..."

Zach and Seth laughed in union, somehow the corner of my mouth also made their way up for a faked smile. That was going to be the hell of an auction...

TBC

A/N: So what do you think? Wishes? Comments? Questions? I actually planned this as the last chapter, but somehow I just wrote and wrote... and I thought why let you guys wait any longer.

So a lot of you were wondering what would happen when Zach would be back... tell me what you think about the way I wrote it!

Next chap soon!

Love, Chris