AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, this is chapter four. Have fun with this one kiddies, and I rather hope you're not easily offended. But if you are, what are you doing reading my stories, go away. No, don't. Oh bugger, just enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine unless it is and doesn't belong to J.K.Rowling.

Mistakes Made

Chapter Four: Sex sex shag bugger sex

Draco's head perked up. He and Blaise had fallen asleep out in the living room. But now, something was up. He sniffed delicately. "Blaise…Blaise, wake up," he hissed. Blaise mumbled something about shagging and rolled over. Draco reached over, grabbed the Nimbus lying against the wall and prodded Blaise with the end of it.

"Blaise, quick…" Draco stopped. This was getting him nowhere. "Sex, sex, sex, shag, shag, fuck, shag, fuck, bugger, shag, shag, shag, shag, shag, sex, shag…sod you, Blaise…fuck, sex, shag, sex, shag, fuck, fuck, shaggedy, shag, shag, fuck, bollocks, fuck, shag, oh my god a naked woman!"

Blaise woke with a start. "Sex-what?-shag?" he garbled blearily, waving his arms about in an attempt to balance himself on the couch, which was impossible, since Draco was already in the act of poking him off with the might of his broomstick.

It worked.

Glaring at a nine hundred thread count Uzbekistani rug, Blaise decided Draco was destined to die a tragic young death at the hands of an enraged feminist with a cheese grater and fire tongs. He knew just the person, too. She'd just entered the room dangling a brightly coloured package in her hand.

"Good morning, Sod One and Sod Two. Sleep well?" Ginny chirped merrily, bouncing onto the couch. Draco shoved her legs off him, holding the broom defensively. Blaise was still lying on the ground, but he rolled over to glance at the red-haired girl. "What's that?" he asked, as his natural curiosity took over.

Ginny smirked. "This? You don't recognize this? Why, Blaise, has it really been that long since you last saw a Contraception Charm?"

Draco fell on top of Blaise in shock, his head in a very compromising and heterosexuality- deficient place. Pansy entered the room, filling the room on the sofa Draco had just vacated. "Well, if that's what you two are into, I don't suppose you need this, now do you?" she asked, plucking the Charm from Ginny's fingers and waving it in front of the two men. Draco shoved Blaise in the face and lunged for the box. Ginny pulled it away and stuck her foot out, kicking Draco in the forehead.

"No, no, you didn't think it would be that easy, did you?" she asked, grinning evilly. Blaise figured it was a good time to become religious and made the sign of the cross for whatever good it did.

Two hours later he was still standing next to Draco as they publicly proclaimed their everlasting love in song for Harry Potter in the Three Broomsticks, loudly, and growing consistently more so the more Firewhiskey they consumed. As if that weren't bad enough, they were, for some awful reason, wearing short leather skirts. Pansy was a right evil cow.

"Tell me it's worth it, Draco," Blaise nearly cried as he finished a short poem about how lovely Harry's socks were. Draco was busy staring at a pair of long legs seated at the table in front of them. "It has to be, Blaise," he rasped.

Meanwhile, two pairs of long legs were tapping in amusement, seated comfortably at the table nearest to the two unwilling drag-queen impersonators. In front of them was a brightly coloured box, prize to the most pathetic of the unwilling drag-queen impersonators. Though it was at a bit of a tie at the moment.

"Are you ever going to tell them you got one for each of them?" Pansy asked over the rim of her gillywater. Ginny laughed. "And miss this? Never. Maybe after they start crying, but not for at least another few hours."

Pansy grinned as Fred and George Weasley walked in with none other than the Golden Trio, with Rita Skeeter coming in behind them, quill and parchment in hand with Colin Creevey and his lens with him in tow.

"Excellent."

………………………………………………………………………………..

Draco's eye hadn't stopped twitching in over an hour. He was beginning to think it was now a permanent fixture.

"That was the most humiliating and awful experience of my young life," he whispered shakily. Blaise nodded slowly. Across the kitchen table from them, Ginny grinned. "Really? Well, it won't stay that way. I'm sure worse things will happen to you," she said, as if this for some reason, would reassure them. Blaise stood, ostensibly to go try and commit suicide by rubbing at his wrists with his toothbrush. As frantic as he was, he might even have succeeded, had Pansy not run into him and accidentally spilled piping hot tea on the front of his trousers. He screeched like a banshee, and rushed off to the bathroom. Draco watched from under one twitching eye. "Lucky bastard. That's more action than I've gotten all month," he hissed.

Ginny laughed. "Oh, yes, about that…" she began, adopting a sympathetic tone that set off warning bells in Draco's head.

He was at her throat with a teaspoon in a second. "Woman, I worked bloody hard for that Charm, and you had best give it to me before I do something I might regret, but probably won't because it's worth anything to rid the world of another Weasley, and you…you're evil, woman," he panted, running his words together.

"What exactly are you planning to do, Draco, spoon me to death?" she asked, pushing his hand away. Draco scoffed, seating himself.

"You wish."

"No, what I meant to say, was that I have a Charm for both you and Blaise. You both earned it," she said, tossing one at Draco. You'd think, as wide as his mouth was gaping, he'd have managed to catch an obese sperm whale in it, let alone the little box Ginny threw at him. However, he was of questionable mental capabilities, if any, and therefore the box hit him squarely between the eyes and bounced off under the table. The spastic git even had the gall to look surprised, his bovine-like face registering shock before he blinked.

"Come again?" he blanched, grabbing the box, his eye beginning to twitch faster. If he didn't know any better, he'd say it was trying to escape. Ginny frowned. "You. Charm. Blaise. Charm. Both. Get. Charm."

Draco snatched up that morning's edition of the Daily Prophet. "All this was for bloody nothing?" he screeched, waving the picture of him and Blaise waving flowers and chucking chocolates at Harry Potter, who was running for his life. Rita Skeeter had done it again. Though Draco was just mad that Blaise's legs looked better in a skirt than his did.

Ginny smirked. "Call us even." Draco frowned. "For what, exactly?" he hissed. "For you and Blaise always using up all the hot water in the mornings." "What? Why would you think we'd do something like that on purpose?" he asked, fidgeting. Ginny frowned. "Perhaps because the two of you like getting your jollies by watching the effects of cold water on the female body?" Draco's eye twitched again. "Start wearing thicker shirts, then!"

Blaise interrupted the rebellion of Draco's eye from his face by entering the room in his underwear. "There, no harm done," he announced proudly, answering the age-old question that had been plaguing Ginny since she moved in; briefs. It was definitely briefs. Blaise grinned in satisfaction, hands on his hips. "All better." Ginny eyed his southern half. "I wouldn't say that, Zabini," she said, tossing the other Charm at him. Blaise glared as he caught it. "Stuff it, Weasley." "That's my line." "Bugger."

Draco eyed the two of them warily. "I'd say get a room, but I'm afraid you'd choose mine, so go…shag…somewhere and stop clouding my mind with all this sexual frustration." Wickedly, Ginny whirled on him, dropping gently into his stunned lap. "Sorry, Draco, I didn't catch that. Who's sexually frustrated?" she asked, wriggling around a bit.

Draco was proud he managed to answer in English. At least, his foggy brain was mostly sure that 'Ahwannagimmehavaahwannaplese?' was English. Ginny grinned. "Precisely. No more snarky comments about sex. You both have your Charms, so go wreak havoc on the female world, the two of you."

Draco and Blaise actually stood to leave when Pansy rushed into the room, clutching a letter in one hand, and her owl by the leg in the other. "It's over, it's over!" she screeched, waving her hands about and showering the kitchen in owl feathers. Draco arched an eyebrow, Blaise tipped over his char, Ginny sneezed, and Pax the Owl hooted feebly.

Pansy glanced around the kitchen. "The war," she explained, "it's over." Immediately her brainless flatmates jumped up with exclamations and cheers and general physical contact. When Pansy informed Blaise and Draco that their remaining parents had been captured in the final battle, Ginny immediately Disapparated, returning with several bottles of various kinds of alcohol. Severe celebration was in order, and if anyone was sober before the night was out, Ginny was failing in her duties.

"To the absence of evil bastards," Pansy toasted, raising her glass. Draco cleared his throat pointedly. Pansy nodded apologetically. "Right. To the absence of most evil bastards."

"Cheers."