A/N: Tada! Time for an update! You know, I think I'll alternate updating this fic and my other one. If you want to read that one, see the little thing that says "Lordy Duffano" at the top of the page? CLICK IT! And then spread the word of my genius… BWUHA!

Disclaimer: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she still doesn't own anything. There has not been a dramatic shift in fates that caused J. K. Rowling to decide to share the rights to Harry Potter with a random high school kid. Nothing has changed since my last disclaimer.

A/N: You know, that makes me realize that I agree with some of the people who want us only to have to disclaim it once in one shebang. It's practical, less annoying, and still disclaims it. I mean, honestly, do they think the readers here are so stupid that they can't remember that the writers here do not own what they're writing about? From chapter to chapter? Anyway, little rant over… I'll get to the amusing stuff.

The first years where taken away to attempt to unicycle across the lake, and the reast of the student were forced to ride up to Hogwarts- er- Rubber Ducky in the tiny clown cars used in cartoon circuses. Finally at the steps leading to the castle- I mean- rubber ducky, they tumbled out of their cars, complaining.

A clown gave them all pies to stop their complaining. But they were very special pies, as the students found out when they peered closer. A large boxing glove on a spring popped out of the pies, and smacked them all in the face. Amidst the angry howls of the students, the clown honked his nose and ran inside.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were still fuming when they got inside. "This is like constantly being at the mercy of your brothers!" she yelled at Ron.

"Well why are you yelling at me? I didn't bring them here!" he yelled back.

Harry pulled out his wand, intending to end one of the famous Hermione-Ron rows. Since their seemed to be no rules, he was at least going to take advantage of it now…

However, when he reached into his pocket, he pulled out a rubber chicken. What the hell? he thought. Then he shrugged, and hit Ron and Hermione over the head with it.

"OW!" they yelled.

Hermione noticed what he was holding. "Harry, why did you just hit us over the head with a rubber chicken?"

"Well, to stop you from arguing. But my wand turned into it."

"Sounds like a Fred and George product," Ron said, pulling out his own wand, and revealing a rubber chicken as well.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ron," Hermione said, extracting her own rubber chicken wand. "How could they plant that many fake wands? I mean look, Parvati's wand has turned into a rubber chicken too. And Dean's. And Goyle's. Except he apparently thinks it's real, and is eating it. Oh dear."

"Yeah," said Harry, looking around the Great Hall. You see, there wasn't much difference on the inside of the castle. Except everything was painted yellow. And there were rubber ducks everywhere.

They sat down at the Gryffindor table, and waited for the Sorting to begin.

However, the clown that had led the first years across the lake came in unaccompanied. He announced to the Hall, "I'm sorry, all of the first years, er, seem to have drowned. They're not very good at holding their breaths, see? And, um…"

Several students with first year siblings burst into tears. Most of them yelled "What the hell?" But a few yelled, "FINALLY! I have my own room at last!"

The students fell silent. They didn't know what was coming. With no Sorting, and no Dumbledore, what was going to happen next?

Well, actually, Dumbledore was still there. He was just locked in a cupboard in his office, with a little bowl of cereal and a little bottle of carrot juice. But that's not really important, because it's not likely that the clowns will let him out anytime soon. Anyway, back to the Great Hall.

The clown sitting in Dumbledore's seat stood up, and signaled to someone.

Clowns ran down the rows of the House tables, and dumped maple syrup on the students. A second waved ran down, and dumped ice cream on them. And then a final wave ran down the rows hitting the students with umbrellas.

"I hate this place," Harry said, sticky, milky, and sore from the umbrella beating.

"Well you know," Hermione said. "I don't think it'll be so bad. I mean, maybe this is just sort of a hazing exercise! Maybe we'll learn something new and exciting this year!" Her eyes sparkled with the thought of more knowledge that she could soak up.

Harry and Ron looked at each other, and began beating Hermione with their rubber chickens.

A/N: YAY! I love writing this. And that's all that matters! BWUHA, BWUHA, BWUHAHAHAHA! (author goes into maniacal laughing spree) Anyway, now I feel like answering reviewers. Even though I don't think any of my reviews for this had much substance.…

Nanners: YAY! I LURVE YOU NANNERS! Sorry everyone, I actually know her, I'm not just being insane. Anyway, yes, it shall be horrible at school. Pies and gratuitous violence! Mmmm, my favorite!

Bradude03: I'm happy you like insanity. Insanity is good. But only in moderation. Hence the short chapters. I can't bear writing something this stupid for long lengths of time, and you guys can't handle reading something this stupid for long lengths of time.

Er… Nanners under her pen name…: I STILL LURVE YOU NANNERS!

Penpal13: Yay! Someone finally likes it when I go on sugar highs!

Dream Phantom apparently thinks it's cute. And… that's all their review said. Um… no comment?

And Esteem! My fellow theatre dork! Yay! I'm glad you like the weirdness. I agree, god damned clowns…

And that's everyone. Tada.