A/N: You see, the problem with me never writing notes on this stuff is that I forget what I'm going to do. So you know that bombabulous (my new word, I was hyper yesterday) idea I had last chapter about a semblance of a plot for this? Yeah, I forgot it. So I guess you guys won't have a plot. Judging from your reactions, I don't think you mind much. However, my writer's spleen (I have decreed that I have multiple spleens so that whenever someone gravely insults one of my areas of interest I can claim that my spleen just ruptured. Guess what happens when I read Mary Sues!) really would like a plot. Actually, I think I remember what my plot idea was. So that's what I'm going with now, even if it was something else.
Oh yeah, and this chapter is going to be decidedly stupid. Possibly more so than before. Mostly because this chapter is the result of a half-hour long conversation with the freshmen on the way home from school. Don't believe me? Wait and see. I dunno if I'll put the plot in yet. I'll probably never get around to it…
Disclaimer: Warning, road washed out. Detour. I SAID DETOUR DAMMIT! … This way down the disclaiming rabbit hole to the magical world of Disgruntled Creators Land.
Dude… what am I on?
"This how we put on clothes, put on clothes, put on clothes. This is how we put on clothes, early in the morning," sang Ron as the boys were getting dressed the next morning.
"This is how we walk downstairs, walk downstairs, walk downstairs. This is how we walk downstairs, early in the morning," sang Ron as the boys walked down the stairs to the common room.
"Fif if 'hw ee oh oo ud oh oo ud oh oo ud. Fif if 'hw ee oh oo ud, eree nn uh orngg," sang Ron through the sock Harry had stuffed in his mouth as the Gryffindors rambled down to breakfast.
Hermione glanced worriedly at Ron at breakfast as he tried to eat some bacon and sing an annoying song that was probably about 'how we eat our bacon', all through a spare sock Harry had randomly found in his school bag. (A/N: Hey, don't make fun… I've found socks in my backpack before.) "Harry," she said, "I'm not sure which worries me the most. The fact that he's trying to eat bacon while singing, the fact that he's trying to do this with your sock in his mouth, or the fact that he still hasn't thought to take your sock out of his mouth."
"It's better than listening to him singing a dumb nursery rhyme," Harry pointed out while calmly buttering his toast.
Hermione pulled Harry's sock out of Ron's mouth and hit him over the head with her rubber chicken. "Stop singing that song!" she shouted.
Ron gave her a curious look. "What song?" he asked.
Hermione's eye twitched. "Never mind," she said, and went back to her breakfast, muttering "God damn clowns."
They all left the subject alone throughout breakfast. They were walking out of the Great Hall when Harry realized something with horror. "Oh no," he said, in a horrified manner befitting the horrific thing he had just horrifically realized. "Hermione, nothing happened during breakfast!"
"And?" she asked while rummaging through her school bag for some random object the author is too lazy to think of.
Ron, who had not been addressed, said "And?" as well, because he felt excluded and that the author wasn't giving him enough credit.
"The clowns! They didn't do anything! And if they're anything like Fred and George…"
"It'll get worse the longer you have to wait for it!" Ron finished, since the author finally realized that she had probably been making Ron way too stupid and had decided to give him an IQ.
A clown popped out of no where, causing Hermione to scream something about Apparation being impossible on Hogwarts grounds according to Hogwarts, A History. The clown was holding a gun. The three dropped their bags and put their hands up.
The clown pulled the trigger, and a flag popped out that read, "BANG!" The clown ran away.
Hermione blinked.
Harry blinked.
Ron blinked.
Then they all went to class. Actually, they really only went to a random classroom with some Gryffindors and sat down, since the clowns hadn't given them schedules or anything yet.
A random clown ran into the room, chucked a grenade at them, and ran out. Before they could react, the grenade exploded-
In a shower of confetti and glitter.
Crookshanks appeared and attacked the confetti. After eating several pieces, her hacked up a confetti-covered hairball. When it hit the ground, a flag popped out of it reading "SPLAT!"
Everyone glanced at each other. Then there was a lot of shouting and a big noise coming from the Entrance Hall. Concerned as to what the clowns were doing now, everyone rushed out into the Entrance Hall.
There was a spent nuclear warhead on the floor, with several unfortunate students trapped under it. A gigantic flag had emerged from the bomb that read:
"REALLY BIG EXPLOSION! No, seriously, you all are, like, dead now. This bomb just completely blew you all to bits. You are SERIOUSLY up a creek without a paddle. I mean, there just aren't words to describe how infinitesimally small you all are right now. Try, like, atom sized. I mean, there's just no way you survived this. Like, any of you. It's just wow. Nothing left. Absolutely nothing. Seriously. Your parents won't even get to bury you. Kinda sad, isn't it? Yeah. Boohoo. I hope you're all paying real close attention, even though you're supposedly dead now. You know what else is sad? It took nine years for the clowns to build this bomb and this flag. It's sorta useless now that I think about it, since you all are dead and can't read anything. But you know, the clowns aren't the most practical of people, and they just sorta do whatever they want. So I guess if they want to waste billions of tax dollars and nine years of their time to build a dumb bomb with a really big 'bang flag' they can. But back to the whole point. This explosion was really big. Like freaking HUGE. I don't even think that Hogwarts if left on the map anymore. Granted, it's probably Unplottable anyway, so I shouldn't really think about that. But I digress. This explosion was so huge. You have absolutely no notion how huge it was. Especially since you're dead and you were all vaporized in an instant. Isn't that fabulous? I mean, it wouldn't be fabulous for you, but it would be fabulous for someone. And this rant is really going to stop making sense soon because the author really just wants this flag to be a page long. Of course, she feels safe saying this now, because the likelihood of you actually paying attention this long is slim. Of course, there are a few who will, so I guess they get a sneak peek. So yeah. Big explosion. FREAKING HUGE EXPLOSION! Ginormous explosion. Enormous explosion. Insanely large explosion. 133t 3xp10si0n. Stupid explosion. Pointless explosion. End of the world explosion. Cataclysmic explosion. Apocalyptic explosion. Almost there…. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EXPLOSION! EXPLOSION LOVERS WORSHIP ME! Oh yeah, and: MUSHROOM CLOUDNESS! See that little bit of dust? That's probably you. Drifting in the wind. Just… poof. Yes, that's it. POOF! You have gone poof. Poof and goodbye. Because this explosion is really big. A tremendous explosion. Elephantine! And IMMENSE explosion. With a VAST blast radius. Hey that rhymes! Vast blast! It's a vast blast from the past! My my my. You are all dead. All gone. But I must say, you are all looking bombabulously cadaverous today. It's wonderful to see such bombabulously cadaverous people. But I'm actually lying because bombabulous has been created from bombastic (meaning pompous) and cadaverous… well I'm saying you look dead. So you're pompously dead? I don't get it. But it doesn't really matter, since you are, in fact, dead, and you can't do anything about it. Okay, so, this has now started a new page, and even though it technically isn't a full page, this is enough for now. And I shall leave you with these parting words: KERBLAM! KERBLEWY! KERSPLOSION! KERBOOM!"
And then the ginormous flag disappeared.
Hermione put her hand to her head. "I really wish we were drinking age right now," she said tiredly.
"Why?" asked Ron, who had gone back to being stupid because the author felt like it.
"Because then I might find that amusing instead of… stupid."
"Oh."
A/N: Well, that was fun, wasn't it? Yeah. We were talking about "bang" flags and the different flags that would go with certain firearms. We also decided that those little flags could be quite dangerous if sent off at point-blank range. Especially if those flags were sharp. You could poke someone's eye out with that. Oh, and we also discussed have the bang flags pop out of each other until they impaled a person. I was considering having some random kid killed that way, but decided that would be too gruesome. So yeah. WOOOOOOOOOOO!