Okay, let's start by getting one thing straight:

I

Do

NOT

Wear underwear on my head

It is a bandana. I need it to keep my hair out of my face. And if you say otherwise…

Well, I probably wouldn't care, because, to be quite honest, I don't care what other people think of me. At least, I don't care what people who don't know me think of me. Wait, did that make sense? I'm feeling lightheaded. I need a snack.

…

Okay, that's better. Anyway, I don't care what other people think of me. My teammates, my family, and my sensei all respect me. That's all I care about.

I wasn't always so calm, though. I used to hate it when the other kids made fun of me for being fat. I'm really not that fat… yet. It's part of being an Akimichi. We're very big boned. That's how we use our jutsu. If I weighed 80 pounds, I would be as useless as, well, as Ino's whining! (Man I hope she doesn't read my mind and find out I said that). I'm not meant to be a weak little twig. My jutsus require obscene amounts of energy. And what's the most dense source of Carbon energy? Fat! And what's a fat dense, non-perishable, easily transported source of fat? Chips! See, I'm not just some dumb, fat kid. I know what I'm doing. Akimichi jutsus are based on strength, on bulk. Believe it or not, I've got lots of muscles underneath this fat.

Ino said she liked me better when I was skinny, when I came out of the hospital after that fight with the Sound Five. I know she was kidding, just trying to cheer me up. She's much nicer than she comes off. And the best thing is… SHE'S FINALLY OVER SASUKE! I have HATED hearing her go on and on and on and on about Sasuke. Sure, he is/was a nice guy, but come on. Enough is enough. It made me so mad, I just wanted to eat! But, she has become really caring. I think seeing Sasuke leave, and seeing what happened to us, she realized what really matters to her.

Fortunately, I had Shikamaru on my team too. He had been my best friend since we were kids. He's so smart, just really lazy. But that's okay. I see underneath his laziness, his apathy. Just like he sees underneath my fat. We understand each other on a deeper level. That's why we make such a great team. That's why we can put up with Ino. We have each other to rely on.

Asuma sensei is a great mentor, for all of us. Sometimes, I kinda feel like Shikamaru is his favorite. He's always bragging about how smart Shikamaru is, how quickly he made Chuunin, blah blah blah. But, he's great at motivating all of us. He tells Shikamaru he can't watch the clouds until practice is over. He tells Ino she has to practice to be able to beat Sakura. And he tells me that he'll buy Korean Barbeque if I practice. Sigh. If only he didn't lie so much. Why do we keep believing him? Is it the beard? Is he like Santa Claus, with his beard, and his pipe, and his bowl full of jelly? Or am I just getting confused?

Man, I need another snack.