Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or else I wouldn't be writing a disclaimer

(A/N: Not for Ron fans! I warn you now…so please don't flame me later!))

Chapter Two

Harry's Confession

'Whhhhy's everyyyythiiiiing in slooooow mooooooo?' Harry asked. Slowly.

'I finally figured out how to use my time turner to flatter my butt,' Hermione replied sweetly. Not that it needed flattering. She was no longer the Hermione Granger that looked like she had a squirrel on her head and a jaw transplant with a beaver. She was now a finely carved Adonis, with a hairdo to rival that of someone with a great hairdo. Hermione cocked an eyebrow at the author's strange analogy, but said nothing, because she was so grateful for the said hairdo.

'Hermione!' Harry exclaimed through a mouth of half eaten shrimp. He dropped his fork in shock, but easily regained his cool by placing a pair of funky sunglasses on his head. Ron, however, had no sunglasses. He ran off shrieking uncooly into the distance, presumably to go get some funky sunglasses. Or, if not, to get some shrimp. Harry had just eaten the last of it and Ron was too eccentric to just go to the end of the table and get some more.

'Yes?' Hermione asked. She acted like she hadn't noticed Ron's little flight. Instead, she batted her ridiculously long lashes at Harry, causing him to flush. She batted them at him faster, and more urgently, until she got up shrieking 'There's something in my eye! Get it out!'. Harry didn't believe this though. She was SO flirting with him.

When she sat back down whatever was in there had seeped out, but somehow the globs of mascara she wore had managed to fuse together. She couldn't touch her eye in case her makeup smudged, so she decided to pry them apart without using fingers. It was then, as her left eyeball began to twitch like a squirrel hyped up on caffeine, that Harry chose to proclaim his love to her.

'Hermione,' he said. He seemed to have a large ball of phlegm caught in his throat, blocking his oxygen supply. He gulped and tried to ignore the constant fear of rejection battering his stomach. Taking a deep breath, he began.

'Er, Hermione…I've known you for a really long time. A really really long time.' He waited hopefully for a response on Hermione's part.

'Yes!' she cried. She thought her lashes had come undone, and tried opening her eye.

'So long now you'd think I'd be sick of you…'

'Damn!' Hermione cursed as she found out it was her left eye she'd been thinking of. Her right was still glued shut.

'But I'm not!' Harry added quickly. Whew, that had been a close one. He wondered, though, why Hermione was twitching so. Was this how nerds show affection? He decided it probably was, and began to jerk around a bit in his seat.

'Hermione, I love you,' Harry decalred. 'It's not just because you are now a sexy, voluptuous goddess…' He allowed himself to pause a minute and drool, not forgetting to twitch a little for emphasis.

'Oh YES!' Hermione shouted triumphantly. Like a Cyclops, she saw a random safety pin in a nearby plate of shrimp.

'I admit it does help a little,' Harry commented, looking her up and down. The nasty perv. No wonder he couldn't get himself a girlfriend for the past five years.

This was going smoother than Harry had thought it would when he carefully planned out this spur of the moment proclamation of love. He continued: 'Hermione…will you…' He got down on one knee. 'Will you marry me?'

He gazed at her tenderly and offered her a ring; a ring like no other. He had chosen it out himself weeks, with the intention of ruling Middle Earth with it, as the tag had claimed. However, he thought it would be put to better use winning Hermione's heart.

'Please,' he pleaded. 'Please answer me…my precious.'

Hermione stared at the ring, again like a Cyclops. Except what she lacked in depth perception she made up for in perfect hair. However, it was as she stared at this ring she happened to drop her safety pin right in a giant bowl of shrimp.

'No!' she cried piteously. Harry looked up at her, then his ring, then at the shrimp bowl with tears welling in his eyes. He ate a few shrimp and then began to ponder what had just happened. How could she do this to him? After all they had been through together? He had assumed she returned his ardor. He ran out of the hall much in Ron's fashion, shrieking and bawling at the top of his lungs. The multitudes of first year Slytherins watched the spectacle with mild interest, and then shrugged. They continued to munch on a requested entrée of fried frog's legs.