Hey there guys and gals! Sorry I took forever to update this story! I won't delay you any longer. So here's chapter three of prank wars.

Chapter three: Never doubt the powers of a woman

Twenty minutes later Sam, Janet and General Hammond were sitting in the briefing room discussing phase two of heir prank.

" Ok in five minutes you want me to call Colonel O'Neill to my office and give him this pile of paper to fill out," General Hammond was saying to the two female officers, "Then you want me to say he can't leave until he's done. Half way through the papers the laxatives will kick in but he won't be able to do anything because I'm watching him fill out papers."

" That's right sir. Plus he'll be so annoyed because the questions he has to answer in the papers are totally random." Was Janet's reply to him, looking back and forth between her friend and CO the entire time.

" Hopefully about a third of the way through and break and ask you if he can leave. Then phase three begins, and that, sir, is when we have all the male bathrooms closed off. He'll be embarrassed, but when he finally breaks again at that point he'll walk into a woman's bathroom. No one should be in that one though. I'll stand in the woman's bathroom on this floor to see how he reacts at first," Sam explained.

"Alright, well let's begin shall we," Hammond said turning to Walter and signaling for him tot call Colonel O'Neill to his office.

"Yes sir," came the replies and both girls ran off.

" Man I love this job." Was all the general could say as he walked into his office.

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"Colonel O'Neill to the briefing room, Colonel O'Neill to the briefing room." Is what Jack heard five minutes later as he roamed the halls of the SGC looking for something to do.

"Great! And here I was thinking I could run off and bug spacemonkey." Were his thoughts as he turned on his heal and walked to the elevator. Swiping his key card he stood and waited for the elevator to arrive, whistling all the while.

Reaching the door to the briefing room, jack could see General Hammond sitting in one of the chairs waiting for him. Still wondering what was going on he entered the room.

"Sir. Umm so what's going on. This doesn't look like one of those 'suicide mission this, blow somethin' up that' moments," he said, taking a chair next to his CO.

" No, it isn't Colonel. I need you to fill out some routine paperwork for me. I'm going to sit here and watch you fill it out, so you can't claim to forget!" General Hammond said, and with that he placed a pile of papers in front of his second in command. "Karma's a bitch Jack. You should know I've just been dying to get you after all these years!" He thought as he sat back in his chair to watch the very annoyed Colonel.

"Lets see… Name, age, sex…yes please… all right birth date, this seems like the kind of thing the higher ups already know. Oh wow… did I ever have an affair? No to that question. Blah blah blah. Whoa… Okay they do not need to know the last time I did that." Were Jack's thoughts as he worked through the meaningless paperwork.

This continued for another hour, though by then Jack was extremely antsy. He really had to go. But he couldn't just ask the general if he could leave… could he? He had to much pride to ask his CO if he could use the bathroom. " Geez, what the heck did I eat," he mumbled under his breath as he answered question after question.

"Something, wrong Colonel?"

"No sir, nothing at all."

And so he continued on with his paperwork for another hour… until…

"Aaarrrggh, I can't take it anymore. Sir may I please be excused to go to the restroom!"

"Sure son, you've been at it long enough. You can-" but he didn't have to finish because as soon as he'd said 'sure' the colonel had taken off, leaving the door wide open.

Rushing to the bathroom, Jack had mauled over Siler, an airman, one of the lab assistants, and poor Daniel in his desperate attempt to reach the little boy's room Only to be dumbfounded by a sign on the door reading:

Out of order

Please use another restroom until repairs are complete

Sam watched from behind the ladies door as he jumped from foot to foot trying o figure out what to door. Silently, she closed the door so he wouldn't hear her giggle. Though it was a bad move on her part, for Jack had decided it was worth his pride to rush into the ladies room to relieve himself. There was no way he would wait for the elevator. Flinging the door open he took no heed to the woman mauled over by t because he had pushed open so quickly. This meant he took no notice of the heap on the floor… well until he had relieved himself and was walking out of the stall.

" Shit, Carter. I can't believe I did that. C'mon wake up." He all but screamed at the blonde. When she merely groaned and squeezed her eyes shut he picked her up bridal style and began the sprint to the infirmary.

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