A/N: Thanks again for reading and reviewing, guys! They're both highly appreciated! This chapter is right before the interrogation with Adam, and we're really excited about writing that one! Enjoy!
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I'm not looking forward to having to hear what these letters say. If these were something that Adam was trying to hide, then he was obviously trying to hide them for a reason.
"Dearest angel, I think of you wherever I go," I hear Dr. Dino beginning to read one of the letters. Already I'm getting a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. "You are my prince, I miss you. Write to me; your only love, Mother."
Wait…these…letters were from Adam's mother? I…didn't even know Adam's mother was still alive. But I can plainly see why Adam was trying to hide these letters; the love that I can sense in that scrap of paper is not maternal, not…normal mother-son love. If Adam was hiding these letters because his mother was incestuous… then that makes perfect sense to me. He wanted to get away from her, not only physically, but mentally as well.
"Another one," Dr. Dino says, setting the first letter aside and grabbing another. Part of me wants to grab those letters and burn them, but the other part of me wants to hear what they say. "Uh… 'It rained today. I thought of that time when you and I got caught in the storm at the lake. The fire… I came home and made your favorite dinner. I even set a place for you…' so on and so forth," she says, setting the second letter aside.
This is not maternal, there's no doubt in my mind about it now. Adam wanted to get rid of the memories of his mother; just get away from her… I can understand.
"That… does not sound maternal to me," I finally say, looking up at Dr. Dino.
She shakes her head and looks down at her desk. "It's not."
Sitting across from Dr. Dino, I can't help but stare out of the window for a brief moment, because… I have to collect my thoughts. I glanced at Sara as we were walking into the doctor's office, and… I couldn't help but notice that her bra strap—her very black and sexy-looking bra strap—was slightly hanging out of the top of her shirt. Does she… know that I can see it…? I wonder to myself, trying not to smile, as I stare at the pouring rain outside. Focus… seriously, Gil, you have to focus.… and besides… it's not like she is purposely showing it just for you… wait a minute. She's not, right? I think to myself. No, of course she's not! Focus!
In any event, the rain is not helping my mood any, and sitting in Dr. Dino's office, listening to the reading of the love letters, just makes me feel even more uncomfortable.
Because that's just what they are: love letters. But not your typical love letters, like the one that, say, I would write to Sara, but love letters between a mother and her son. Wait a minute… I frown, instantly removing my gaze from the doctor, and staring down at the ground. Like a love letter that I would write to Sara…? I think to myself. Where… did that come from…? I bite the inside of my lip, swallowing. I'm pretty sure that I don't love Sara… this is just… I don't know what this is, actually.
And then Sara's voice rips me back to the conversation, as I hear her say, "That… does not sound maternal to me."
"It's not…" Dr. Dino replies, shaking her head.
"Incest?" I immediately shoot back, starting to understand what makes Adam tick. This is sick. Really, it is.
Dr. Dino glances at me, before replying. "Fully consummated. Mother-son incest is rare and deeply pathological…."
Great…. I frown, once again staring at the ground. So we're dealing with a man who is deeply in love with his mother. And not in the good way.
Maybe… maybe Adam was trying to hide these letters because he didn't want anyone to know that he was in love with his mother. But…it sounds like she was returning the love. I have to make sure.
"Oedipus complex…taken too far?" I ask her.
She quickly shakes her head. "Oedipus… implies son to mother. In this case, the mother was seeking the love and creating the codependence. We call this a Jocasta Complex."
So my first theory was correct… Adam was hiding these to try and rid himself of the memories of his mother. His mother was in love with him, she wanted… an intimate relationship. This relationship was not like a schoolgirl crush like the relationship I have with Gri— …it's not right.
Slowly my mind begins to wander. Grissom… why…doesn't he just tell me how he feels? Would…one kiss even hurt? A kiss, a, a hug…?
"Oedipus' mother," I hear Grissom say. Thank god for that, I was losing myself in Grissom—
Damn.
"When Adam was nine his father died," Dr. Dino explained.
How… how old was I when my father died? Twelve…? Ten…? Eleven…?
"His mother replaced her dead husband with her son," Dr. Dino finished.
"That's gotta mess you up," I say, afterwards realizing just how hypocritical my words sounded. I'm… probably in no better mental health than any of the patients in this facility, what am I saying…?
"Yeah," Dr. Dino nods. "Adam is… schizo-affective, suicidal, and a pathological narcissist," Dr. Dino tells us, completing her list. "When he was a teenager he was unable to retaliate against his mother and…incapable of actual intimacy, so…" she says, pausing as if for dramatic effect. "He started raping women."
My heart immediately sinks deep into my gut. That… that word has always stuck a chord with me. I look down at the ground as if in shame, as if… I'm trying to hide myself from a large crowd of people. I feel… embarrassed.
No Sara, I tell myself, the entire class is not looking at you. The teacher did not ask you a question. The spotlight is not on you, so… don't make it.
A Jocasta complex? Interesting, I can't help but think to myself. So Adam may not necessarily love his mother as a lover would, but… she has created a co-dependency, where he feels as if he cannot function unless she is around. That's just… too bad. I quickly lift my eyebrows up, averting my gaze to the ground for a moment so that I can think things through.
But rather than listening as intently to Dr. Dino as I should be, I start to think about parents. Why do parents try to harm their children…? I really don't… understand. And then perhaps even more importantly than my train of thought, I remember that Sara is sitting right beside me. Sara, whose mother killed her father; Sara, who was forced to live in foster care. As I stare at the ground, I frown, as my mind continues to wander toward Sara. I feel badly for her that she had to undergo something so traumatizing at such a young age, and I just want to reach out and hug her. But I can't. I know that.
"That's got to mess you up," I suddenly hear her say. But what was she responding to? Oh, right… the fact that Adam's father died, and that his mother tried to replace her dead husband with her son. Sick. Very, very sick.
Glancing up at Dr. Dino, I begin to listen again. "Yeah. Adam is schizo-affective, suicidal, and a pathological narcissist. When he was a teenager," she continues, "he was unable to retaliate against his mother and incapable of actual intimacy, so ... he started raping women."
"Always women?" I ask, getting a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not wanting to risk an actual glance in Sara's general direction, I try to look at her out of the corner of my eye, attempting to figure out if she is okay or not. She has a difficult time whenever rape is mentioned, and… for whatever reason, I just want to make her feel more comfortable. I really do.
"Yes," Dr. Dino answers my question. "Which is why I don't think he killed Robbie…" she pointed out.
But what about the sexual relationship between Robbie and Adam? Something just isn't adding up…
Quickly shaking thoughts about rape, and pain, and shame, and embarrassment, and… him… out of my mind, I get back to the subject at hand. Letters… Adam's mother… him being incapable of intimacy and retaliation… now it's coming back to me.
"Yes, which is why I don't think he killed Robbie," I hear Dr. Dino answer Grissom's question about whether or not Adam always… raped… women.
"We found Adam's semen in Robbie's bed," I tell her. It makes sense… the only evidence of another person in Robbie's room that I recovered was Adam's semen. So that would place Adam in Robbie's room…and give him opportunity.
"You see, that surprises me," Dr. Dino says, looking over at me with a half-smile as she laughs half-heartedly. "Like…any good psychopath, he rarely veers from his pattern," she says, rubbing her chin in thought. 'Like any good psychopath'…? I'm…not sure I like the way she worded that. "Adam is a…single-celled organism who exists wholly for himself," she tells us. "He must've been getting something tangible in return," she then says.
"What…?" I ask. "Drugs…? Cigarettes?"
"Drugs aren't his issue… and as far as I know he doesn't smoke. Um…"
Well… this is no longer getting us anywhere, I think to myself, frowning. Maybe the artwork can tell us something else important. "So, uh, what can we learn from his artwork?" I ask Dr. Dino, watching her examine the pictures.
I still personally believe that the pictures can give us some pretty decent insight into Adam's personality… our creativity often times mirrors our attitudes, so… taking a look at what he has created might tell us a little bit more about what he is thinking.
I carefully watch Dr. Dino examine the pictures, as she gives off a short "gaffah"-like sound. "Uh," she finally says, waving her hands in the air. "... He starts with an innocuous object: a tree, a cat, an oboe—all of which he morphs into something deadly. You can see… all of them," she flips the pictures around toward Sara and I, so that we can take a look at them.
"So, what should be safe… turns into something unsafe..." I point out, biting my lip. A tree becomes a killing machine; a cat grows spikes; the oboe becomes deadly. In essence, Adam created dark, angry images; images that if were real, could kill.
"Mother becomes lover…" Dr. Dino points out.
And aye, there's the rub… I sigh. A tree becomes dangerous; a cat becomes dangerous; an oboe becomes dangerous; his mother becomes… dangerous?
Father becomes monster.
"What…about the mother?" I quickly ask. Get those thoughts out of your mind! I want to scream at myself. "Do you have any idea where she is?"
"She lives near Reno," Dr. Dino told me, shaking her head.
"Based on the postmarks…" I start. "It seems like she stopped writing him." Maybe she can give us some insight on that.
"Every time a letter came, a manic episode followed," She explained. "Then a…severe depression, including one suicide attempt, so…" she said, looking up at both of us. "I started sending the letters back," she said. "Eventually," she tilted her head, "she stopped writing."
Good riddance.
As we're about to get up and walk out of the office, I notice my bra strap is peeking out under my shirt a bit. Damn it, my black bra strap is peeking out under my shirt. Did... Grissom see it? Damn.
...Do I want him to see it?
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TO BE CONTINUED