A/N: Thanks again to all who reviewed, and we hope you enjoy this new chapter of our interpretation of the interrogation with Adam Trent!
---------------
It's time. Our conversation with Dr. Dino is over, and it's time. We've examined Adam's room, we've shared our findings with the good doctor, and now… now it's time to speak with Adam himself. Brass should be doing this interview. Hell, even I should be doing this interview. But is he? Am I? No. Sara is.
I've given this a lot of thought, and as much as I might regret this particular decision later on, I believe that Sara needs to take the lead on Adam's interview. She is a good criminalist; one of the best in the country, as a matter of fact, and… I really haven't given her a chance to use her instincts on this case. So as much as I would like to interview Adam myself, alone, without Sara being present in the room, and as much as I hate to ask her to speak with someone who I know can potentially harm her, I am going to let her ask the questions. I am going to let her try to find the answers to this puzzle, and I am just going to sit back, and watch…
…Unless Adam says or does something to hurt her. Then, Adam Trent will regret the day that he ever met Gilbert Grissom.
…Why is Grissom letting me lead this interview? It doesn't make sense at all to me. Grissom's always been sort of the over-protective one (which is comforting at the same time), so why would he let me lead the interview with Adam; Adam, the schizo-affective, suicidal, pathological narcissist rapist?
I remember when I first came to Vegas, around the end of year one… the FBI had come to handle the investigation of the Strip Strangler case; oh, how that case continues to haunt me. I fit the victim profile and I was trained in weaponless defense, I could've gotten the guy, I sure as hell wanted to. But Grissom...he was… suggestive. He was worried about me, and he was absolutely furious with me when I chose to go through with the decoy operation despite his disapproval.
…If he was nervous about letting me do something like that, then why is he letting me do this?
Whatever his reasons are… it doesn't matter right now. Right now I need to get inside of Adam Trent's mind.
We're sitting in a room set up by the hospital staff for the interrogation. It's a rather dark room, and… this atmosphere is only helping to add to the nervousness I am feeling right now. Dr. Dino is sitting alone in a corner to ensure our safety as well as Adam's, and he's sitting in the middle of the table on the other side across from Grissom and I. He's attacking his nails once again- is he nervous…? I don't really think so… he looks like he's deep in thought.
I look over at Grissom once for reassurance. …Reassurance? What reassurance do I need, what is he reassuring me of? Am I looking for the glance that he'll shoot my way to tell me everything will be okay, or…?
Suddenly Adam starts to talk.
"Did I…kill him," he says, repeating the question he knows we're going to ask him. "Yes," he answers simply, still biting his nails.
"Why?" I ask him. What is he looking at that's got him so lost in thought? His voice sounds… like he's preoccupied, as if he's zoned-out and isn't really listening to me.
"He was queer," he answers.
"But you had sex with him…" I point out.
That got his attention. Looking up at me, he swallows hard; is he nervous? "No," he says. "He had sex with me. He was the punk."
Why is he looking at me? What, exactly, got his attention? "Was it…consensual?" I ask him. It's strange… I'm asking a rapist if he had consensual sex with someone.
"I don't know," he tells me, swallowing again.
"Okay…" I trail off, looking down at the papers in front of me. Sighing, I ask, "So…then what happened?"
"I took his head and I smashed it into the floor," he says without hesitation, his gaze never faltering.
"And that's how you killed him?" I ask. He simply nods.
I shoot a look at Grissom which he returns. According to Doc Robbins Robbie died of asphyxiation, not blunt-force trauma. Adam's lying… was he covering up for someone, or… is he just lying altogether.
"What, you don't believe me?" Adam asks, inhaling sharply.
I quickly turn my head to look back at him. "I'm just…wondering if that's how you killed him…"
"Yes. Yes, I'm saying this and this is true. And if you don't believe me just look in the bucket in the latrine," he says.
I raise an eyebrow and look back over at Grissom.
"Okay!" he suddenly says. He sounds… paranoid. He wants us to believe him and he's afraid that we won't. "Do you really want to know why I killed him?" he then asks me, a slight frown on his face.
"Yes," I simply tell him.
He's biting his nails again, tilting his head as he looks up at me. I stare straight at him, trying to search for… well, actually, what am I searching for in a crazed rapist's eyes? The truth, I tell myself.
He hasn't looked at Grissom once, why hasn't he looked at Grissom? I notice Adam's eyes slowly descend down from my face, looking down at something else…
Oh my god.
He's raping me with his eyes.
I…I can feel it, and…and yet…he isn't actually doing anything.
Snap out of it, Sara! He's just looking at you! He's not doing anything!
Oh god…I…I can feel his hands…
Quit touching me!
"It's because I'm crazy." Suddenly Adam's voice brings me back to Earth. He's looking over at me and he's stopped biting his nails now. He has that same crazed look in his eyes I noticed the first time I saw him.
The ball is in Adam's court; this entire interrogation has turned upside-down. He has the power.
And it's horrifying.
Sitting beside Sara, I can't help but once again rethink my decision to allow her to conduct the interview with Adam; Adam is a convicted rapist, and here I am, allowing her to sit across from him. Does my decision to let her conduct the actual interview make me as bad as the FBI agents who asked Sara to act as a decoy in the Strip Strangler case? Because I know that Adam will respond to Sara more than he'll respond to me, and a part of me wonders if that little fact influenced my decision to let her take the lead on this one. If so, then… well, I won't forgive myself for anything that may or may not happen to her, or for any discomfort that she might end up feeling.
Before Sara asks her first question, however, she glances over in my direction, as if seeking reassurance that everything will be okay. I want to tell her that she'll be fine, and that she has absolutely nothing to worry about, but I understand that I cannot utter those words. Doing so would compromise her authority during the interview, and I can't have that. Adam must know, at all times, that Sara is in charge. So I stare at Adam, and do not return Sara's gaze. So now I have not only put her in a potentially harmful situation, but I have withheld my reassurances from her, as well. What kind of a supervisor am I? And perhaps more importantly, what kind of a man am I?
Still carefully observing Adam, I want to frown at his nail biting. Is he nervous? I ask myself. Although nail biting is a sign of nervousness, I do not believe that he is actually nervous. No, I just think that he is preoccupied… with… well, Sara.
"Did I kill him?" Adam flatly asks Sara. Because obviously, he is not talking to me. In fact, his gaze is rooted on Sara, and he refuses to look at me. "Yes."
"Why?" Sara immediately shoots back.
Good for you, Sara, I want to tell her. Good for you. You're calm, you're collected, you're with it. Hang in there. Watching Adam, I once again want to frown, as I pick up on his behaviorisms. He appears to be slightly dazed, not really focusing on what Sara is asking him, but rather, on Sara herself.
"He was queer…" Adam answers her.
"But…you had sex with him…" she points out.
Adam immediately stops biting his nails, as his head snaps up to glance at her. Jesus. Is he… is he checking her out? What's he doing? Adam's eyes are now focused, and I truly believe that he is imagining something that he shouldn't be imagining; something that no one should be imagining. I shouldn't be letting her do this, I once again think to myself. This was a mistake. An absolute mistake.
"No. He had sex with me. He was the punk," Adam states, bringing me back to the interview.
"Was it consensual?" Sara asks him.
She looks so innocent; she sounds so innocent. And God help me, Adam is really staring at her. That schizo-affective, suicidal, pathological narcissist rapist, won't take his eyes off of Sara, and I know what he is doing in his mind; and he's not doing it how a lover would do it. He's envisioning it graphically, and brutally, and… I don't even want to think about what is really going through his mind.
"I don't know," he quickly replies.
It is clear to me that Adam no longer cares what he is actually saying. He knows whether or not it was consensual. He just… wants to prolong the interview. He wants to make Sara ask him more questions, so that he can continue to look at her. And he knows that she will continue to pry, like any good CSI would, until she gets the answers that she needs.
"So… why did you do it?" she asks him, not giving up.
"I don't know."
Yes you do! I want to yell at him. You know exactly why you did it, and get your damn eyes off of her!
"Okay… So then what happened?" Sara calmly asks him.
I personally wonder how she can still be so calm. You're doing well, Sara. Keep it up! I inwardly praise her.
"I took his head and I smashed it into the floor," he informs her.
But that's not right. It can't be. Noticing Sara turn to look at me, I look back, thankful that we are once again both on the same page. Adam Trent is not telling the whole truth. He is either covering up for someone else, or there is more to the story that he is just not telling us.
Taking a deep breath, Adam notices Sara and I looking at one another, and begins to get a little bit agitated. "What? You don't believe me?"
Well, that's certainly interesting. Why does Adam need Sara to believe him? Why does he need to prove to her that he is right? I ask myself.
Sara glances back at Adam, before responding to his question. "I'm just wondering if that's how you killed him."
And then it hits me. Sara is responding to his question. Adam has effectively taken control of the interview, by getting Sara to reply to him.
"Yes. I'm saying this and this is true. And if you don't believe me, just look in the bucket in the latrine," Adam anxiously tells her.
The bucket in the latrine…? Sara again looks at me, and I flick my eyes in her direction. I want to give her some sort of encouragement to continue, but I don't have much to give right now. She's just… doing so well, and… I feel like she could very possibly break the case.
So when she looks back at Adam, I am totally unprepared for what happens next.
"Do you really want to know why I killed him?" Adam asks her.
Don't say it, Sara. Don't say yes… I try to warn her. It will give him even more power over this interview… and over you.
"Yes," Sara simply replies.
And that's when I see it. Adam's gaze begins at her face, slowly moving down to her chest, as if he is once again undressing her with his eyes. My mind screams for him to stop, but of course, he can't hear me.
"It's because I'm crazy," Adam states.
And so am I. Because although Adam did not just physically rape Sara, he sure as hell mentally raped her. She knows it, I know it, and Adam knows it. Damn, I was a fool. I never should have let her lead this interview.
---------------
TO BE CONTINUED