Chapter Eight:

Calm Waves of Understanding

When my ass stopped stinging from where it had met the marble, I was able to further appreciate my own cleverness. Not that I think of myself as indestructible, but there is a certain mastery about my existence, something that is me and me alone, and has nothing to do with Alex. It was a point of pride, I guess. I make a decent thief as well a spy (yes. Listening at keyholes counts as decent spying.)—two fields Alex had never practiced in, as far as I could tell from his memories.

I slid a stack of papers about an inch thick out of my left sleeve. Xemnas' notes—the ones he'd been working on when I came in. I began to flip through them as I walked, hoping to find a real trove. Scribbled formulas, maybe. Some idea of what he was planning. Aside from the whole "destroy Diz's mind" ploy. What would he do once he'd attained Kingdom Hearts?

Some of the other Organization members actually believed he'd use it to make all Nobodies whole. Please. I almost laughed out loud at the thought—cruel, ironic laughter. Xemnas didn't give two munny what happened to us.

As I flipped through the papers I discovered that most of it was incoherent, useless. Some of it I recognized from Alex's memories as formulas that dealt with Memories and their power. Others I knew had to do with tying together the pieces of an entity.

I found one sheet that was interesting to me. It was mostly diagrams, and I've never been good at reading those. However, I could see that the purpose of this printout had been tracking Roxas. It wasn't current information, but understanding it—understanding how Roxas and Sora had successfully rejoined—could be important. Especially to Naminé, who had a good chance of becoming whole again.

And to Tera.

I folded the sheet up and slid it in my sleeve before starting to flip back through the other pages, in case I'd missed something. I nearly tripped over the bottom stair as I began my ascent. I'd been walking by instinct—not really paying attention to the route back to my room.

As I climbed noises came to me from the common-room, which was where this staircase led. Scuffles, and grunts. Muted words. I could hear a woman's voice. Well, there was only one woman in this castle—Naminé's voice had yet to change.

"Raz?" I asked curiously, as I turned into view. Damn spiral staircases. "What're you—" She and I both swore as we made eye contact.

I was swearing because, leaning on her right shoulder , weak, blue and bloody, was Demyx. I dropped the papers in my hand, and they scattered instantly. I didn't bother fetching them—they were useless to me.

I don't know why she swore. Probably because she hated me.

I rushed forward. Demyx was clutching his sitar, hugging it tight to his chest. I pulled it away from him, but making sure to set it down gently. I ducked under his left arm, taking most of his weight off of Raxet.

"Shit, Raz!" I hissed at her, sounding angrier than I was. It sounded as if I was blaming her. "What did he do that you had to beat him up so bad? I told you to lay off her, man."

"Raxet." She gritted her teeth as she rejected my affectionate pet name. "And nothing!" I raised my eyebrows at her. "I mean…damn you! I didn't do it! Sora did!"

At that, genuine surprise took my face.

"You let that kid get at you, Demmy?" See, Razzy-poo? I don't just assign girls nick-names! Everyone gets them! Maybe I'm just too lazy to say the whole word. I watched Demyx's face carefully. He didn't respond at all; he'd closed his eyes. I could feel him tremble, and his breath was ragged and harsh. I thought he was about to just pass out, and made to scoop him up and just carry him up myself, but then he took a deep breath, attempting to talk.

"I think…he's gotten better…since…" since he left, Demyx? I stumbled over the stair, thinking of how skilled Roxas had been when we'd last dueled. I still had the scar. My clumsiness jogged Demyx, who choked over the last words in his sentence.

"Ow…" He grunted reproachfully at me. I got the message. If I was going to be here, I should be helpful, not hurtful.

"Sorry, man," I offered, tilting my head to tell Raxet that we should probably drag him up to bed…drag him as gently as was possible.

It didn't take as much effort as you would expect to get him up the stairs and into bed.

I held the door open for Raxet, following her out. I planned to watch her walk away, then turn around and go back in. I had a lot of questions for Demyx. Like, "So, how's it feel to get the shit beat out of you, and then bleed all over the girl of your dreams, who, by the way, can totally school your ass?" Nah. I'd never say that to him. But I did have other, genuine things to ask him.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Raxet hadn't moved from the doorway, was staring off into the distance, real concern lacing her face.

I studied her for a minute, before nodding. "Yeah. He seemed pretty stable." I reassured her. I crossed my arms behind my head and looked at the ceiling. What was this disturbance in my chest? I didn't like seeing her upset like this.

I reminded myself that there was nothing between Axel and Raxet except shadows of what had been between Alex and Tera. There was no reason for me to think that I was feeling any sort of anything for her. About her. Around her.

I was saved from my discomforting musings by Demyx's summon. Raxet, too, it seemed, was eager to be released from her thoughts. Or maybe she just wanted an excuse to check on Demyx. Whatever the reasons, we nearly killed each other going for the doorknob.

"I…er…" Demyx stared at us as we fell over each other in his doorway. He hid a weak chuckle. "I just wanted my sitar. It has my music in it." His eyes met mine for a brief instant, and I saw the color return to his cheeks.

"I'll get it," I promised. Raxet glared at me. Had we just spoken in unison? "Stop that, bitch," I told her, annoyed.

"You stop, you useless bastard!" How cute. She was warming up to me. That was probably the nicest thing she'd called me upon arriving at the Castle.

We ducked out of the door at the same time, bickering the entire way down the staircase. I knew Demyx wouldn't want her to get a look at the rough drafts of the song he'd been writing. So, like a true friend, I would spare him that embarrassment. I would recover the sitar. Raxet could go color a care-bear or something.

What was she doing? She had both hands on the banister.

"Raz—" I started, alarmed, "Don't—"…too late. She was sliding down, her cheerful whoops flying back up to me as I watched her hair fly about wildly. This staircase, just like all the others in this godforsaken place, spiraled. It was dizzying to watch her go down.

I was not going to slide down the banister. I did, however, have another idea. She had used ice as a ramp to slide down Xemnas' staircase. I couldn't summon an ice ramp, but I had other methods to execute the same madness. I summoned the chakram I usually hold in my right hand, set it on fire, then slid it beneath my feet, rather like a flaming skateboard. I almost caught up to her.

The ride down had made me dizzy, however, and I couldn't get my balance back in time to not crash at the bottom. My face met marble. I'm pretty sure that I nearly broke my nose. It hurt a lot.

Raxet had already picked up the sitar and was about to start back up the stairs.

"I'll take it up for him." I offered, sticking my foot out and kicking her own boots out from under her. "Your room is up that staircase." I pointed to the staircase that went in the opposite direction.

What? It was.

She bit staircase (probably a direct result from tripping over my feet) and busted her lip pretty badly. I felt kind of bad about it when I noticed her wiping the blood off her chin. And then she called me a bastard and all my pity went poof-slash-bye-bye.

"That actually hurt!" she sounded so disbelieving. What I couldn't decide was what she couldn't believe. That I had been willing to hurt her? Or that I had been capable? The answer was probably insulting.

"It was meant to, Razzy-poo," I lied, sitting up. I grabbed for the instrument but she wouldn't give it up.

"He asked me to get it!" She protested. Ok, I don't remember him specifically naming her, but I figured it wasn't worth the argument to point that out. So, instead, I told her, accusingly,

"Look, if you go in there alone, he'll die of a hormone rush!" My words did not have the desired affect; she kicked me in the gut, and pulled the sitar out of my hands.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded, angrily.

"It means you turn him on, bitch!" I shouted, not so much at her. I know she took it that way, though. I think I'd really been yelling at Demyx. How inconsiderate of me. Anyway, I was pretty mad that she'd stuck her foot in my stomach, so I did a rolling kick that was aimed about the same way, only this time at her gut and not mine. I did not expect her to dodge. When she did, I couldn't stop my foot.

Do you have any idea how much it hurts to have your toes solidly connect with solid marble?

To top it off, the stupid thing fell over and broke into a bunch of tiny little pieces.

"Shit…" I swore, staring at the ruins of what had been an extremely useless and yet beautifully ornamental pedestal. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and noticed Raxet was totally distracted by the shattered column. I took advantage and grabbed the sitar, sprinting up the staircase. "Look what you did!" I yelled back down at her.

"Bastard!" She screamed back, infuriated. Not that I blame her. That really had been my fault. I expected to feel a freezing presence at my back any minute, but she didn't follow me, much to my surprise. Halfway up, I stopped and leaned over the banister, to see where she was. Still in the foyer, standing with arms crossed and hip jutted out. I smirked, recognizing that posture. She was talking to someone, and whoever it was had her confused and annoyed.

Well, if she wasn't following, there was no reason to take the stairs. I pushed a darkness door open and stepped through, into Demyx's room.

"What took so long?" He sat up, reaching for the instrument. I handed him the sitar, sliding into a chair, drawing it up to the bed.

"Nothing. Took the scenic route."

"Through darkness?" He flipped open the hatch in the side where he kept his music. "You didn't steal anything, I see."

"Not from you," I grinned, "But Raxet's missing her munny-purse."

"Disgusting," He laughed, blood flecking his lips. "Dang…"

"Sora really did a job on you," I sympathized. "Is he really that strong?"

"He's amazing." He pulled out a sheet of paper, staring hard at it. Neither of us said anything for about a minute, and then he asked, softly, "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"What do you mean?" I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Well, I probably could have guessed, but it was so much more comfortable to lie to myself.

"About Tera. About Raxet. You could have said, you know."

"When did you figure it out?" How did you figure it out, was what I wanted to ask.

"Naminé gave me some hints, but when she challenged me to a duel…I got a real look at her. Not at her body, not like that, but at her. They look a lot alike, you know. They have the same eyes…" He trailed off.

"Yeah." I stared at the floor, my voice soft.

"If you had told me, I would have respected that." I looked up, slightly confused. What, now that he knew, he wasn't going to respect that? And what was that? "I still will," He promised, hastily, "But why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not easy, Demyx." My head sank back into my hands.

"I can imagine not." He sighed as he propped his sitar next to his bed. "I thought that Xehanort had given up on her."

"No. It was just another hatred that he hid away, another fuel for his Nobody," I said bitterly. "Another grudge against Diz."

"I want to help, Axel." I looked up. Was he crying?

"Demyx…" My voice was soft, hesitant. I didn't know what to say.

"Hey, I may not be your brother, but I still care about you." He reached out, handing me the sheet. "I finished the song. But…it turns out…I misread the connections."

I looked down at the paper he had given me, reading the lyrics he had written with Raxet in mind.

And I love you so,
The people ask me how,
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know

I guess they'll understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes I know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening bring me down
Now that you're around me

And you love me too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do

The book of life is brief
And once the page is read
All but love is dead
This is my belief

"Demyx..." I could hardly find my voice. "Demyx...this song..."

"I didn't finish it until afterwords," He said, inturrupting me. "I finished it after I knew who she was. And it means more now, I think. I wrote it because...it's what I think you would tell her. If you had the guts."

"...the guts?"

"You're a coward, Axel," He laughed kindly. "You'll die for what you're doing--you know that, right? Xemnas will kill you when he finds out. You think that's what bravery is. But you're not brave. You can't tell her who she is, and you lie to yourself about why. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. You love her, you fool."

"I don't. I don't love anyone. I'm doing Alex a favor, since he can't be here to do it himself." I stood up, crumpling the song. "I'm sorry, Demyx. You misread the signs while you were mistaking the connections. I'm a nobody. We can't love."

Author's note: That's the entire song-- "And I Love You So" By Don McLean.
It's a beautiful song. I think I've mentioned that. It's mostly woodwinds (mainly flutes) in the version I prefer.
The string version sounds to...I don't know, I just don't think it's as pretty. I'm sure Demyx could make it sound beautiful, though.