Chapter Nine:

Surrender

I didn't talk to Demyx again. Ever. When I crumpled the song, I stood abruptly and left. I don't know if I was angry or scared, but it was enough to cause me to make decisions I sincerely regret.

I made myself scarce around Castle Oblivion for a while. I dove in and out of the worlds, watching the signs Sora left as he cleaved his way through them, examining the trail of destructive light that followed his keyblade.

His progress was encouraging—he was a good kid. In fact, I was in pretty good spirits most of the time I followed him.

And then he made his way to Hollow Bastion.

He'd been there before, recently. I watched from the shadows as Leon and Aerith greeted him, their tired smiles nonetheless heartfelt.

Even this wouldn't have been so bad.

But then Yuffie came out to greet him, and clinging to her hand was a tiny little girl.

I slid back into the darkness, back to the world I belonged in. Broodingly, I began to pace the corridors of Castle Oblivion. I couldn't see anything around me, because my vision was dominated by the image of that child, her long strawberry hair tied away from her face in beautiful curly pigtails.

What would Alex have thought?

What was Axel thinking?

I couldn't tell.

But as I was trying to figure it out, my face was suddenly re-introduced to marble. My instant reaction was to swear, scramble up, and dust off. Then I refocused my blurry vision to see why the hell I was eating floor again.

"Raz? Damnit, bitch! What the hell are you doing?" I hadn't done anything to her! Unless she'd been waiting this long to get me back for that whole thing about the sitar. But that had been forever ago!

…if that was it…damn could that woman hold a grudge. I was mildly impressed.

"I challenge you," She snapped. I stopped smoothing my clothes and gaped at her.

"You what?"

Several hours later, we stood in the sands of Agrabah, sweaty and tired and bloody.

Why had I accepted this challenge? I didn't know. I was close to hitting my breaking point, and I could tell that she was, too.

"If this keeps up…" I panted, "We'll…Fade…"

"I…don't care," She snapped. "I'm going to prove…" Prove what? She didn't finish her sentence. I HATE when people do that!

What I hate even more is when I get distracted by people talking, and they use that against me. It's really unfair.

When her ice flow took my feet out from under me, I didn't get back up right away.

"Say it,"

Admit defeat? Never.

"Say it."

I could get up suddenly. I could swing my chakram at her, and not only would I win, but she would Fade. That little girl back in Hollow Bastion would have a mommy again.

That's what Alex would want.

He'd want his wife to be whole.

He'd want his daughter to have a mother.

But I didn't want that.

No, that's not right. I bit my lip as I thought.

"Say it,"

It wasn't that I didn't want what Alex would want.

But I wanted something else, too.

Raxet. She was amazing; brave and determined and innocent. She had no idea what was going on, and yet she was still determined to be a part of everything. I had to respect that. She wouldn't be left out of this story. She refused.

I could get up and kill her. Raxet would Fade from everything but the memories of a Nobody. And Tera would be whole. Raxet would be Nothing.

I could do it.

I could.

I sat up, reaching for one of my fallen chakram. She watched me. Stepped forward.

"Say it."

I continued to bite my lip. My hand closed around the edge of my weapon.

"…I give," I said, softly. "Damn you." I sighed, feeling something cave inside.