Chapter Eleven:

Problem Solving

"Axel!" I had almost been asleep when he came in. He didn't use a real door—not many of the Organization bothered with that anymore. His voice was loud. I had been right. He was pissed of at me.

"Shut up," I told him, "Keep your voice down, at least!"

"How dare you? You sneak off to God-knows-where and return with her like this? You think I don't know what you were trying to do? You sorry bastard!"

"Yeah well, I don't think I've ruined your little plan yet."

"Shut up and get the hell out of here." He growled at me, "And don't go near her again. Unless you want me to turn you into a Dusk."

I grimaced. That was a serious threat. As a Dusk, I would lose all but the barest minimum of my free will. That…would be horrible, more so than I could imagine. Free will was all I had left, really.

I wiped at my face, knowing how stupid I looked, sitting here crying. What kind of a man cries?

A man who doesn't know what the hell is going on inside his own body.

"Xemnas?" Raxet's weak voice was non-the-less demanding. We both turned to look at her, concerned. Only one of us was pretending.

Xemnas leapt forward, grasping her hands in his. "Raxet! Don't talk, darling. Don't waste your strength." I made a guttural sound somewhere between a groan and a disbelieving snort. "Axel!" He turned viciously to me. "I thought I told you to leave?" His eyes narrowed threateningly. I backed up a step.

"No…" We could barely even hear her; her voice was hardly loud enough to be a whisper. "No, no…no…"

"No?" Xemnas leaned over her. It looked like he was trying to kiss her. My stomach heaved and I had to avert my eyes. "No what?"

"You leave, Xemnas." Nothing weak about that voice. I glanced back, the barest hint of a smile playing around my lips. She was pissed. "If you don't…" She had to pause for breath, choking painfully. "If you don't get out of my room I'll freeze your balls off!" She completed her sentence bitingly, ice accenting every word. "Even if it takes the last of my energy—I don't care. I'll do it, and don't you think I won't!" Oh don't worry, Raz. We were both taking you very seriously.

Xemnas glowered at her—she couldn't see, because she'd pulled away from him, falling back into her pillows and closing her eyes. He raised his gaze to melt me down as I told him,

"You heard the lady, Xemnas. You'd better leave, too." That look told me that I would have to deal with him about this sooner or later.

I hoped much, much later.

He spun on his heel and stepped through the darkness door he created, leaving the room in a bit of a huff. I started to go, as well, making to use the real door.

"Axel?" I stopped in my tracks, half-turning.

"I know," I assured her gently. "I leaving. I want to keep my balls."

"Don't," She whispered. I felt a chill through my gloves and glanced down. She had grabbed my hand, twining her fingers betwixt my own.

I couldn't move for a while; her touch was something unexpected, foreign, and yet completely familiar that froze me in place.

After a while, I sat back down, smiling ruefully. I tightened my grip on her hand, and said, laughingly, "Go to sleep, Raz. You're delirious." If she wasn't, I was.

"Am not, asshole." Well, there you have it. I was delirious.

It didn't take me very long to pass out.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. My head nestled comfortably on her shoulder, the cool of her skin hurting me pleasantly. I was roused by her shifting out from under me, and my head slid from her shoulder onto the mattress. I cracked one eye, watching her with a weary curiosity.

She was in the midst of a seizure. I recognized the symptoms; Roxas had had them frequently, too. She struggled for a moment, opening a darkness door. I felt a twinge of sorrow (I recognized that instantly, though it took me a moment to realize I was actually feeling it, and not just remembering). Having access to the pathways did irrevocable damage to one's soul.

Of course, her portal wasn't very solid. It sort of just jerked her through. I sighed. I should probably follow her, I thought. I was in enough trouble for letting her leave the first time. It wasn't hard to follow her trail through the darkness, and I emerged a moment later in the forest that surrounds the castle of the Beast.

I got there in time to witness the tail-end of her seizure. She was screaming (pretty loudly. Girl had great lungs) and rolling around in the snow with her arms wrapped tightly around her knees as she tried to ward off what I can only imagine was painful.

Tera missed her Nobody badly, it appeared. She was fighting pretty damn hard to get her back.

I felt that sorrow inside me grow twofold. I don't know if this was for Tera or for Raxet, though. They both seemed to be suffering so much…

Raxet stood shakily, her breathing ragged. The seizure had come to an end. Raxet let out a long sigh, leaning against a convenient tree. She looked around her—I ducked behind an evergreen, hoping she didn't see me.

She stalked off into the trees, obviously deep in thought. I, still incessantly curious, followed still.

She was so quiet when she walked, the snow resisting her feet with an extra effort, it seemed, that kept her from leaving footprints or making noise.

I wasn't as popular with the white stuff. I left deep footprints, and when I got too close, she must have heard me. She turned, flinging a snowball. Her aim was great. Dead on, in fact. Right between the eyes. Perfect ten. I brushed it off without complaint.

"Something wrong, Raz?" I tried to keep my voice down. Somewhere on this property was a great, big, dangerous, Beast.

"No. Everything's just peachy!" Ahh…her sarcasm was always so refreshing. She spun on her heel and stomped deeper into the forest. That would have been fine, but the snow was getting deeper. I was practically wading in the stuff to follow. I had to flounder to keep up, and it was extremely undignified.

"You know, if there was something wrong—" You could tell me about it. I don't know why I feel like I should care, but since I do, you could at least recognize my efforts.

"There's not!" She insisted, defensive and angry. I guess I could understand. Since she'd arrived at the castle, she'd not exactly been greeted with warmth and affection. Most of the Organization members just ignored her, and the ones that didn't were condescending. She, being a prideful bitch, probably was fed up with all of us.

That was why she wasn't talking to me, or at least part of it.

Her problem…well, I could only hazard a guess.

"You know, we all lost things along with our hearts" I pondered aloud, scooping up snow and packing a pretty decent snowball, tossing it up in the air once or twice before flinging it at her.

"But you still have memories!" She snapped, the snowball stopping about a quarter of an inch from her nose and dissolving harmlessly.

"Oh, is that your problem? Well, let me tell you something," I began another snowbomb, envisioning myself…envisioning Alex tossing snowballs back and forth with Tera, or perhaps with Erin. She seemed like a bright and cheerful little girl. The kind who would enjoy to build a snowfort. Or maybe just a snowman. It was a vision that made my head throb, and my chest felt as though someone had run me through, and then twisted the blade. "My memories cause me more pain every day than I can imagine that seizure put you through. I wish that it was like that for me. I could just bit my lip and take it, then move on. I won't tell you that you're lucky, but you should forget about the pity party."

Would I be happier without my memories? Probably not. I knew that I would be just like her, searching desperately for them, for anything. But I did know that because I had them, I also had one hell of an identity crisis. I threw my second snowball.

I hit her this time, but the snow didn't stick, and she didn't flinch as it drizzled off of her.

She stared at me for a time, without saying anything. And then she softly replied, "…that doesn't make me feel any better."

I shrugged. I hadn't figured that it would. But I wanted her to know exactly where she really stood, as far as the rest of the Nobodies went. I'm sure that their memories were no better with helping them.

I made another snowball and fired. She stopped that one, and sent it back at me, pegging me in the shoulder.

"Play fair," I whined teasingly, taking aim again. I barely got that snowball off before she said,

"…mmm, don't feel like it," And orchestrated a tsunami of snow, neatly burying me. I struggled to dig myself out, making a face and spitting icy slush. I was almost completely free when another snowball made nice to my nose and then I caught sight of her cloak billowing behind her as she fled, laughing into the forest. I jerked myself out of the snowpit, charging and tackling her. We rolled three or four times before landing in a snowdrift.

"You suck!" She gasped as I made contact, barreling into her. "You've ruined my angst!"

When we'd stopped, I grabbed a handful of snow and shoved it down her front. Why I thought that ice down her shirt would do anything, I don't know. Maybe because it would have made me go AAAAH! COLD!

I'm pretty sure she staged her own reaction, but it was great all the same. I gaped, I admit.

"Y…you squeal?" She slithered away from me, brushing off her front and attempting to regain her dignity.

"No."

"…Yeah, you did," I laughed and tackled her again, her whip sticking me in the gut painfully. I ignored it and began tickling. Her laughter was like wind chimes.

Our moment of carefree bliss was interrupted by my second…no…third favorite person in the entire world.

"AXEL?" Sora exclaimed, totally shell-shocked.

"Sora!" I greeted with a grin, not moving from atop Raxet.

"Who is that, Sora?" The Beast growled low in his furry throat. "What are they doing here?"

"It's Axel," Sora needed to put his eyeballs back in his face. "…he's from the Organization."

"The Organization?" Donald quacked, outraged, "Let's get them!"

Er…I'd rather not be got just now. I laughed it off, saying, "Long time no see, Sora." Sora made a face, bracing his keyblade, " 'Fraid I can't stay to chat, though." I stuck my fist in the snow beneath me and opened a door, tumbling into Darkness with Raxet. Both of us were laughing uncontrollably.

I knew we were heading straight for tiles, though. I'd had enough experience with those to know they weren't as nice as snowballs. I twisted us around so that she was on top of me, instead.

It took us a moment to regain our breath, and then she was panicking.

"My whip! Where--!"

"You had it just a minute ago," I rubbed at my tummy, feeling where the bruise was developing, "It jabbed me in the gut,"

"You must have knocked it off! Asshat!"

"I didn't do it on purpose," I apologized half-way. "Don't worry about it, I'll go—" but she had opened a darkness portal and was already gone. I swore, dusting sludge off my shoulders. I crossed my arms and waited for her. She had ten…five minutes. If she didn't make it back I was going to go and get her.