Krazy Kai

Chapter Eight: Insanity, Part Two

HALLELUJUAH! HALLELUJAH! It's back! (The Christian religion in no way endorses this work of Fanfiction, nor does it consider its writer a member of the human species.)

If I just say "school", will you understand? Well, I'm also working on "Doom the Homeland", my new story that I am oh-so-shamelessly promoting here. XD

For those of you who don't have the greatest memory (…like me…), you might want to re-read the first three chapters to understand some of the references in the chapter. Then again, you might remember them. It's just a suggestion.

"What was that?" asked Karen, rubbing her eyes. "That idiot Jack just ran in, calling me his wife… Why would he think that?"

"Must have been brain-damaged by the head injury," Kai replied. "Then again, he's been a bit odd for a while now." Somehow, Kai managed to be in several places at once. Of course, the young woman was oblivious to the conspiracy. Some people call that being "sane".

"I feel bad for Jack," she said. "I mean, maybe he's really sick, and he needs our help. I remember that I was in a coma and lost memory just recently, too." Karen laughed. "I mean, I forgot that I was even your wife!"

"Yes. A coma, and nothing else." The man spoke to suspiciously for his own good. "But really--"

"YAAUGH!"

Kai was cut off by a male's shout. His wife stared into the sky, muttering, "What the hell?"

It was Jack. He was being hurled into the same illusion he was in earlier. And into the same replica of a sea he jumped into earlier. And was attacked by artificial jellyfish.

"See? He's just as deranged as he was when he first moved in."

"Bastard…" Jack said, underwater. Of course, all Kai could hear was a bizarre gurgle from the ocean.

"JACK!" Karen exclaimed, almost diving down to grab his hand. Unfortunately for Jack, Kai pushed her back. "Hey! What was that for?"

"Why do you want to save that idiot?" Kai snapped. "Remember? This is the 'you look like crap' saying, chicken killing psycho!"

"Yeah, I guess… But it's not like you don't have a second personality."

"W-w…what!"

"You were such a nice, polite guy when you first came here. And sometimes you still are, but you have been acting a little…weird."

Jack was laughing with triumph. And drowning, floating closer and closer to his pretty damn damp death.

"Whoops," she muttered, pulling the farmer up. Jack gasped desperately for air, then resumed laughing at Kai.

"I pity your weak mind." The man's face split in half, causing a bizarre purple body to ooze out of his head. "Don't forget that I control this place."

A burst of golden lighting nearly killed Jack. He managed to jump out of the water in time, unfortunately leaving his rucksack behind. So that's where it was!

The blinding flash of light obscured Jack's vision as a few dozen turnip seeds scattered across the ocean. "Damn!" he muttered. "I blew all that gold for nothing…"

Karen was running towards the Green Ranch. Normally she would have kicked Kai's head off, but it had already split open and sent the illusion of a purple demon from its skull.

"No, I'm going crazy like Jack!" she shouted while dashing away.

"This should be proof that I'm not crazy!" protested Jack, forgetting about the possibly fatal injuries Kai could give him, and instead focusing on his troubles with women. "There's no way that- EGH!"

Jack felt a metal shoe smash across his cheek. Of all the things to make a shoe out of, he had no idea that someone would make one out of unbreakable steel. But then again, this place was designed to torture him.

The farmer immediately turned his head around to see Kai's new, purple form hovering behind him. Kai tore the sky like paper, revealing a farmland in a portal. A glowing, green sickle flew into his hand, emitting a mystical power.

"I had to break the so-called laws of time and space to retrieve the blade charged with the mythic stone." The purple being laughed.

"Um, couldn't you just kill me with your matter altering hand that tore open the universe?" asked Jack. He realized the advice he gave out unwillingly. "OH SHIT!"

He immediately ran into the Green family's barn, where Kai immediately dashed over to. Jack kicked fodder into the purple demon's face. He looked at Jack as if he were insane, and then savagely beat him with his space-time-continuum-ripping claw.

Karen slowly stuck her head out from behind one of the large fodder piles. The crazy, paranoid young man was now a floating head, and the caring vineyard worker was now a purple demon with razor sharp claws.

"I should have listened when Mom said that alcohol damages your brain," muttered Karen.

She ducked behind the pile and sat on a metal box. Muttering a few curses, she picked it up to see that it was some odd remote control. There were only two buttons, "up" and "down".

"OF COURSE!" she exclaimed, trying to whisper. "This must be one of Rick's damned inventions." And, despite the fact that Rick had barely affected the story in any drastic way before, that was the most logical explanation for this. "The bastard…"

In a fit of irritation, she crashed her fist into the remote control. That caused the "up" arrow button to retract into the remote.

Kai's purple form looked at the remote control that the young woman was beating up. He sighed and shook his head, then looked into the sky.

"Look boss, you could make it easier on your copies and give them the remotes from the start." The amethyst illusion sighed again, then evaporated slowly.

His disappearance triggered the entire world around them to shatter into shards, revealing a misty, purple abyss behind them. Each piece looked like a two-dimensional drawing of the Green Ranch and its fields.

A teary eyed Jack had a gigantic, glass-like piece that looked like a happy cow grazing in the fields in his forehead. A sucking wind dragged the shard of the background slowly and painfully out of the farmer's head. The blood that flowed out was instantly sucked into a vacuum, and he and Karen eventually followed it.

Jack cried and screamed like a girl. After all, he was reduced to a severed head that just had a large piece of glass ripped out of it. Karen smacked him.

"What was that for?" Jack's head muttered. "Aren't you still worried that you're going insane?"

"I'm not," she insisted. "This must be one of Rick's inventions gone horribly, horribly wrong. I found a remote to prove it." She waved the remote control, which was labeled "Evil Bandana Corp" in fine print.

"Um… Never mind…" Jack didn't want her to think he was crazy again. "So, since you realize that it was Rick's invention," he coughed, "that made me dislike Kai, now do you like me?"

"Well, I know that you're slightly less insane," Karen answered, as if she wasn't being sucked through some kind of black hole.

The farmer was in a state complete elation, until his movement ended with him being slammed onto the ground of another illusion. He twitched for a few moments, feeling like his newly-regained ribs were broken.

"We've got to find Popuri," he told the young woman. He cringed in pain and struggled to get back on his feet. It was only a lucky guess that the pink haired girl was actually in this place, but he had forgotten all about Gray.

"Why?" asked Karen, noticing that Jack's body no longer consisted of only a cranium. "Rick's inventions won't do anything to hurt us. You were a head, remember?"

"Yeah, but the rest of my body was sent to this place by those weird claw thingies." That sentence was later recorded as the worst thesis statement a human had ever invented. "I have a feeling that Popuri could really be killed if Kai… er, Rick, tries hard enough."

"What about your friend Gray?"

Suddenly, a montage of images flooded Jack's memory, including the sickle fight at Green Ranch and the clash at the bar. "Um… he's safe. Trust me." He muttered, "...In his grave…"

Gray was still in his illusion world, but the farmer really didn't care what happened to him. After all, the rival farmer had nearly killed him several times.

After a half-hour of walking, the two finally saw a gigantic gray button. It was labeled with the word "Power" in red letters.

"…The hell is this?" Karen muttered.

Jack shrugged and kicked it. It barely budged. "Kai split himself in half and turned into a purple demon. It's safe to say that giant power buttons are the most normal thing we'll find here. Let's both push it."

Karen ran at the giant button with her hands in front of her. Jack just ran. They succeeded, but Jack lost three teeth. Since he lost everything below his neck in the previous world, he assumed that those teeth would fly back into his face later.

Despite the fact that the farmer left a small bloodstain on the power button, everything started to turn blurry. Soon they would find Popuri…

And probably some crazy battle against cloth worn on people's heads.

Damn, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo is one good anime. Evil hair hunters, evil bandanas… "We're not so different, you and I." Since I've procrastinated on this fic too damn long, have a Halloween omake. I hate the holiday (except for the candy. Candy is awesome.), but what the hell.

Krazy Kai

Special One: Halloween

Jack looked out his window, only to see someone dressed as a witch. Her black hat was pointy and crooked, and she carried a broom.

"For the love of…"

The farmer opened the door to greet the girl. He rolled his eyes.

"Trick or treat."

"Aren't you too old for this?" he asked, grabbing a piece of candy to give to her anyway.

"No…" she responded innocently.

He muttered something under his breath and gave her the piece of candy. The girl grinned and took it from him quickly.

"Thank you!"

"I still think you're too old for this, Popuri. You're nineteen."

Well, I never said it would be a good Halloween extra. Believe me, the New Year's and Christmas ones will be much better.

Aru Feuer-- Finally I got the damned cookies. takes Thanks for the review!

RWT-- Yes, yes he is... Well, sort of. The bandana is, anyway...