Chapter Fifteen:

Into Nothingness

"Axel?" A hand on my shoulder, shaking me gingerly. I resisted, grumbling into the pillow. I tried to tighten my grip on Raxet, but the girl had escaped my clutches sometime before.

"Axel!" The shaking grew more urgent. I sat up with a groan, rubbing at my eyes. "Razer? What--?"

"No, Kairi!" I blinked. Stared. Blinked again. Then I realized.

"Mother fuck," I leapt out of bed—shame be damned. Kairi flushed and turned away.

"He really beat you up, yesterday," She noted. I zipped my robes with a grunt. "…I hope…" I looked over at her, willing her to continue. "I hope that girl will be alright."

Raxet? I could only guess.

"Come on." I grabbed her hand.

"Wait—where—" I didn't answer. I didn't have time. I didn't want to think about what was happening. Don't think, I told myself. Just act. Just do what you've got to do. I dragged her through a darkness door, into Naminé's room.

"Naminé!" She was already awake. I pushed Kairi towards her. "Here. I've got to go. If you see Riku—"

"I know." She said, taking Kairi's hand. "I'll help Kairi explain things. Go. Hurry."

I was already gone. Saїx had taken Kairi to the dungeons yesterday—there'd been metal residue on her pink dress. There wasn't metal anywhere else in the entire castle, I knew. Someone had shattered the metal bars of Kairi's cell. It must have been Raxet. What other girl could it have been? No one, I knew. I was thinking myself in panicked circles.

"Razer? Raz! Where are you?" I ran doggedly through the corridors of the dungeons, searching for any signs of life. Maybe she'd gotten away. Maybe she was back in the room. Maybe I should go back and search for her there. "Raz!"

"Over….here…" I could barely hear her voice. It was faint, and weak from pain. I whirled around the corner, catching sight of her at last.

"Holy damn!" I sprinted to her side and knelt, feeling tears form in my eyes as I stared helplessly at the damage Saїx had done. Both her legs were crushed, and it looked like he'd done some horrid damage to her chest, as well. Not to mention he'd gutted her with her own sword. I pulled her hood away from her face, drowning myself in her eyes. "What…what…" What the hell were you thinking, you little idiot? But I couldn't make myself say it.

"I had to do my part." I brushed hair away from her face, and she smiled at me. How she managed it, I'll never know. She'd been crying. She must have been in so much pain. I brushed a tear from her cheek, and then kissed her hand, bringing it to my lips with a shaking touch.

"You should have stayed put," I told her, my voice thick, "I had it…I had it under control!" How could I have been so stupid? I should have killed her the first time.

Now we were both going through more than we could handle. These emotions…they hurt so much. I didn't want them anymore. Where was the emptiness I had grown so used to? I think, at this point, I actually missed it.

"Did…" She struggled to get her question out.

"Shh. Yeah. Kairi got to the room. She woke me up. I took her to Naminé. They're whole now. But it could have waited!" I was crying now, too.

"I'm scared," She closed her eyes; the crystalline orbs were beginning to lose their glow as bits of the darkness that formed her floated in the air around us. She was Fading, and quickly. "I don't want to Fade, Axel,"

I began to massage her hands, wringing them gently between my own. "It'll be alright," I promised, "You'll be happier when you're whole," I hoped so. I found I genuinely wanted her to be happy. Tera would certainly be happier. Please, please let Raxet be happy, too.

"You don't understand, you heartless bastard," She whispered. Her voice was growing weaker. I leaned in to hear. "I was already whole. You're the only piece I ever needed. You…might as well…be my heart…" The grin was replaced by a grimace as a wave of pain wracked her body, and she was becoming more and more transparent. Her chest stopped its rise and fall as her breathing stilled.

I watched as a tear dripped from my cheek and passed through her to splat on the marble floor.

A hand on my shoulder drew my attention, but only for a moment.

"You should hurry," Riku told me. I ignored him, turning back to Raxet, still clinging to the phantom of her hand.

"Just a minute more," I pleaded, "She's almost gone."

"But he's still alive. You can't even touch her." Her hand fell through my skin. I grabbed desperately for it, but I couldn't even feel her chill. "See? Your hand passed right through! Please, Axel. I need you. So does he."

I stood, wiping at my face. I looked like a foolish schoolboy, I knew, but I didn't care.

"…I'm going. There's nothing left for me, either. I'll do everything I can to get Sora into the castle. Then it's up to you."

"I understand, thank you," His tone was so condescending that I looked up, out of my misery. I glared at him.

"Shut up." How could he even begin to understand? How dare he even say such a word. Somewhere inside, I knew that he had not meant that he understood how I felt, but I needed to yell at someone. He didn't flinch back, though.

"What was she to you?" I didn't have to think about it.

"She was the only woman I ever loved." I told him. He pushed a darkness door open for us.

"…I'm sorry," Riku apologized. I was grateful that he didn't make a comment about my use of the word 'love'. I think he may have been considering it. "I'm going to find Kairi, to protect her until Sora's through. Thank you for all you've done, Axel. I'll never forget."

"…I wish I could say that that makes me feel better." I stepped through the door, finding myself in the Nothing outside the castle. The door closed behind me, Riku still inside.

The scene that greeted me was worse than I'd expected. Sora and his two friends were surrounded by an army of Dusks. I think every Dusk that Xemnas had ever chained was there.

"Axel!" Donald quaked, lowering his staff to aim at me. I held up my hands with a weak chuckle.

"Hey guys." I kicked aside a couple of Dusks to stand next to them. One or two of them dove for my head, but I blocked with my Chakram. "Geeze. You know, I think I liked it better when they were on my side."

"Axel! Where's Kairi! I know you kidnapped her!" Sheesh. That's harsh. I totally did not kidnap her. I relocated her conveniently.

"She's safe, I promise. She's waiting for you in—" A Dusk came at my face. I knocked it aside. "—inside the castle."

"We'll never get in at this rate," Goofy bashed at a Dusk with his spiked shield.

"Please," I laughed dryly. I think they noticed the lack of humor in my chuckle. "I can handle these guys. Watch this." I drew my Chakram tight around me, releasing them in a magnificent wave of flame.

As a direct result, all the Nobodies in the area were obliterated.

As a direct result, the path was clear.

As a direct result, I collapsed, pieces of my entity floating away in wafts of darkness. Sora cried out and ran to my side, kneeling, concerned. How noble. I could have laughed, except this was all too serious.

"Axel! You're Fading…"

"Yeah, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack," especially when you didn't have much left, to begin with, "Hey…tell Kairi…I'm sorry about what happened."

"Tell her yourself, when we find her!" He reached as if to help me up, but he couldn't grab my hand. I shook my head; it was hopeless.

"No."

"…Thank you, Axel."

"You owe me." I demanded, suddenly. "You owe me."

"Anything," Sora promised, leaning in to hear better.

"When you get out of here…go to Radient Gardens…." I winced, feeling myself falling away into Nothing, "And tell her…Tera…tell her that Alex loved her until the very end."

"I promise," Sora said. He was crying. Baby.

"And…that Axel was pretty damn fond of her, himself." Sora nodded. I pushed a door open, the last of my energy going into the pathway. "That'll take you to the castle. Good luck, Sora. Hurry…" I couldn't keep the portal open long. Sora nodded and sprinted through, running to meet Kairi and Riku. Running to save the universe.

And me?

My part was done.

I'd done everything I could.

And all that was left was for me to Fade into Nothingness.

It wasn't as painful as I had once imagined.

But it was still Nothing.