Krazy Kai
Chapter Fifteen: Deep, Philosophical Thoughts, Part Three— The Apprentice, Horrid Toupee-less Division
Fact: Instead of the "you look like crap" incident in Chapter One, I wanted to have Jack try to dig in the soil and break his hoe on a rock. He would then shout, "You stupid hoe!" I prefer the "hoe" line, but for some reason I edited it.
"Jack," the elderly sage began, "it is important to note that once I grant you the gifts of my training, you may lose your sanity. Lesser minds have been known to do that…" After surveying what he'd learned about that, he casually added, "On second thought, disregard that."
"Darn right you're gonna disregard that! 'Cause I'm too great a man to be broken by such stress. I'm determined. I know I can do this, because love is the greatest power in the universe!"
"Right, right," laughed the old man. "Whatever you say. Love beats nuclear genocide, peace forever, whatever you hippies say… Just go out into the training arena and show me what you can do. We'll discuss it later, okay?" When Jack left, he muttered, "I'm taking a nap. Won't miss anything, that's for sure."
The farmer stepped out of the shack and gazed out at the Moon Mountains. In the secluded "back yard" (albeit without grass, a shed, or any signs of civilization) of his new mentor, he found the area lined with swords, training dummies, shuriken, and Clefairy (oops, wrong Mt. Moon).
He whistled in astonishment. Who'd have known that this seemingly sweet old chef could have annihilated the entire village ten times over and then some with the stuff he kept there?
But that was a good thing, as Jack's attempt at optimism informed him. That just meant that he could stop the evil bandana ghosts that he was certain weren't figments of his imagination. After all, a nomad from the mountains claiming to have lived for millennia couldn't be wrong.
He was convinced this because he hadn't said it out loud in a while. Otherwise, his opinion may have differed.
"Die!"
Jack jumped into the air and kicked through a dummy's neck. Immediately, stuffing flew into his eyes, temporarily blinding him. He flailed in the air before slamming his head into a rock on the ground.
As blood oozed across the ground, the sage awoke from his nap to witness the grisly scene. Groaning, he walked up to the injured farmer.
"Dayumn, you are TEH NOOB!"
"God, stop talking like that! You've existed forever! You were involved in the trials of countless damned souls! You witnessed the death of a goddess! Why must you pretend to be a modern, urban black man?"
"There wasn't any form of English back then. We originally communicated through impaling each other a variety of times. 'Twas quite painful, but that's how they determined who was fit to be a judge."
"Good for you! Now get me some hel…"
The farmer's movement stopped before he could add a "p". When you get to the point where that because a hazard to your health, that's past the point of no return.
His mentor stared at him for a minute, then prodded him with a nearby twig. This ripped open Jack's shoe, causing an ectoplasmic image to leak from his foot, eventually standing upright in human form.
"Oh my…" the sage gasped, covering his mouth, startled. "Look at your socks!"
"AHEM," Jack pretended to cough, "I'M DEAD HERE."
"They're BLUE."
"No way! And my cousin back in the city had green shoes. What's your point?"
"Your socks are blessed! By the deceased Harvest God!"
"…Wait, the Harvest God is dead? What kind of deity gets killed like that? More importantly, what good can his blessing do if he's just some dead guy?"
"The Harvest God was nearly omnipotent! Except when it came to sharp objects. Never did too well with them, no sir-ee… Needless to say, sharp things aren't as rare as they were when I was young, so it was a pretty big tragic flaw…But, in a nutshell, you can tap into the socks' magical powers."
"That's crazy."
"So only bandanas can be haunted?"
"…Touché. But…the Harvest God's soul has been in me all this time? So I'm just a reincarnation? A temporary copy damned to die, cease to be, and have my soul recycled into another, completely different person who will have no memory or resemblance to me and repeat the pattern until the Big Crunch ends the universe, killing everything? Is that my destiny?"
"…No, he just gave you some magic socks. Pessimist."
"Sorry. Go on."
"You'll have to learn to tap into this in order to successfully defeat Tobias and free Kai once and for all. As a human, you will fail. As some guy who can't control his Harvest God powers, you will fail. Hell, as a blue ghost you'll fail too. In fact…"
"I. Get. It." Jack's teeth had been clenched and his fists had been quaking for two solid minutes now, which took its toll on him, even though he had no physical form anymore. "Can you please tell me how to revive myself?"
"Float back into your corpse."
"The Harvest God's powers let me do that?" exclaimed Jack. "Incredible! It makes everything seem so simplistic now…"
"No, everyone can do that."
"…But why don't they?"
"Humans are stupid."
Short chapter, I know. But there's another one soon to come...