Krazy Kai

Chapter Sixteen: Deep, Philosophical Thoughts: Part Four—The New Harvest God

Part of Greenfrie's 666 Spectacular! (Why? What's scarier than Jack getting godlike powers?)

Fact: Like many, I am frustrated by how dumb Spell Check can be. It suggested "gonad" after I typed "gonna". As a game, try replacing every instance of "gonna" with "gonad". The time you waste will astound you.

Sub-Part One: If Fanfics Had Montages, This Would So Be One

Jack jumped into the air and kicked at a similar dummy, this time releasing a massive blue glow from his foot. The head of the dummy burst before his actual foot touched it, bursting it into billions of particles.

Needless to say, Jack had leapt the wrong and plummeted towards a similar fate as last time, but it was a victory for him nonetheless. To keep the farmer's training going uninterrupted, the sage had cleared the area of rocks. Just in case (although it was guaranteed, since this is Jack, after all).

"Didn't you learn when that rock smashed your head open?" he mocked. "Or did you forget that?"

"Didn't you learn when the little village kids who keep asking me where babies come from kicked your sorry—?"

The sage waved his hand and threw the farmer into the distance.

"And you have the right to talk like that why?"

---

Jack had his arms crossed in front of him with his fists clenched before he brought them to his sides and let out a giant scream. From his feet, blue bolts shot upward, tinting his hair green and morphing it into a group of deadly spikes.

"You're merely a Harvest Demigod Level Two," the sage taunted once more. He smirked. "I can reach level three, even without being blessed."

With that, the old man suddenly grew a fully head of grass-like hair, which extended down to his feet. Suddenly, after a mysterious blue flash, two shoes were all of Jack left in a two mile radius.

---

Jack slid his sock, now with googly-eyes, over his hand and slid it over his sickle. The blade turned a bright green color and emitted a yellow glow.

Charging towards a dummy in the same style as those who had caused him so much misfortune, he felt certain that he'd succeed.

He was too far to the left, and zipped down to the base of the mountain at a rate of 9.8 meters per second per second at a height of 600 meters.

---

At the end of the training session, Jack was dilapidated, bloody, and exhausted. As he struggled to catch his breath on the restaurant floor, the sage sat beside him and sighed.

"Maybe I was wrong… Maybe blue socks are a bit more common than they used to be. Hell, I've been wrong before. Rented this place to the sprites months back; sons of bitches burned it to the ground."

Jack chuckled at the memory. "Yeah… weren't times simpler back then?"

"What? You're joking, right? That left me homeless, and I'll be damned if rebuilding it miraculously wouldn't cause suspicion. People tend to notice."

"No, no, not for you. I couldn't care less. I mean me. Wow, Kai was just some guy who was stealing the girl I liked, and not some evil demon trying to overthrow the divine beings of the world. Now think about it."

"Oh, good for you then," the sage faked enthusiasm before mumbling several curses (both profanity and actual curses that were meant to kill him).

"Now I've been sucked into such a conflict… One that could kill everyone on this island, maybe the world…"

"No, just the island."

"…Oh. Well, that's still a lot."

"Less than one hundred."

"Whatever! The point is that things seem to escalate so quickly. I guess I didn't expect it to be so sudden, what with the evil possessions and all."

"It shouldn't. If I had it my way, kids'd learn 'bout that before they learned how to read. And old people could become rap stars. But mainly the bandana story."

"Glad your priorities are well arranged."

"I try."

---

Jack sat alone in front of the window, staring at what he could see of his faded reflection. Repeatedly, he would make his hair alternate from brown to green and fire sparks out of his hand. How could he have powers like this and still be such a fool?

He formed an energy ball in his hand and smashed the window open, the lawsuits slowly chipping away at his gold inventory. At this point, he didn't really care about anything, since he'd fail anyway.

Sighing, he jumped up and propelled himself into the air. He burst through the roof, sending pieces of wood scattered everywhere. Still in his Harvest God form, he flew away. He'd only had the powers for a day and it was getting to be too much.

Subpart Two: Journey into the Unknown

Jack flew away from human eyes, into the clouds that concealed everything. Even with his lack of experience, he managed enough force to carry him at the speed of hundreds of miles per hour.

Looking down, he spotted an old friend wandering around in the desert. Immediately, he turned off his powers and fell toward the sand.

A young man in ragged clothes turned his head. On his shoulder was an equally messy looking bird. The wandering man seemed shocked to see a green-haired man fall from the sky. After all, green hair?

"J…Jack? Is that you?" He rubbed his eyes, then burst into tears.

"Glad to see me, Cliff?"

"No…" mumbled Cliff. "Traveling place to place working in chemical plants. Nowhere to wash my hands out in this damned desert."

"…Forget I asked, then," Jack said. "So, why'd you even leave Flowerbud, anyway? It's a really nice place?"

"Oh, it was the people. I didn't have that many friends there. Not to mention that there was nowhere I could stay, even if I was liked."

"I'd have let you stay at my farm if you'd asked."

"First day you saw me you ran away."

"Sorry about that. I guess I'm just used to the scary hobos. You know, the kind of hobos that mug people on the streets in busy cities."

"Sure," Cliff answered, completely unaware of whatever Jack was talking about. "So yeah, I didn't have that many friends after a few months there, so I left. What about you, Jack? Why aren't you back in the village?"

"Well, Kai's been possessed by a servant of the former Harvest Goddess who murdered her and now I've been granted the powers of the dead Harvest God to combat him. Everyone in the village is probably going to die because my teacher is a pathetic, senile sage from billions of years back and Karen's going to beat the crap out of me with the last ounce of strength she has after being attacked by Kai, who has the power to send people into worlds based on their worst nightmares."

Jack paused as Cliff stared. "Oh, sorry to hear about you not having that many friends. That sucks, I guess."

"Um, yeah, it sure does."

Cliff ran off into the other direction, back towards the island. Jack was confused. Weren't Cliff's troubles so great that he ran away in the first place? And, more importantly, after hearing about Kai turning into a killing machine, why would he go back to the point where everything would be annihilated?

Jack shrugged. So he'd be alone in his trip through the wasteland. He'd been alone a lot in his life. But curiosity soon entered his mind. Forming a ball in front of him, he gazed inside and focused his thoughts on Flowerbud Village.

An image of the town filled the sphere. Popuri was panicking, most likely over his disappearance. The blacksmith cautiously entered the Harvest Sprite's cave, unzipped his costume and stepped out of his human skin in gnome form. And Karen was getting drunk in the bar.

And then Jack knew why he had to return.

Subpart Three: Trouble Brews…NOW!

Jack flew to the steps of the bar, but not flying in threw the window. He wanted to keep his powers subtle, and reveal them when it was appropriate, as not to frighten the villagers any more than he already had.

On the other hand, he could win a lot of bar bets.

Jack walked in with green hair, telling people that he didn't know how big of an ass he looked like. Duke blinked twice while rubbing a glass with a washcloth.

"Lose a bet?" The drunks laughed. However, they were drunk enough to laugh at, "My kitty's dying!" when May ran in for help.

"No," Jack replied with a smirk. "I'm gonna win one today."

Jack had been notorious in the village for his poor luck and tendency to lose at any competition miserably. But he felt that his luck had turned around with the new Harvest God powers. People would respect and/or fear him.

"Oh yeah?" Karen, being the long-time critic of his that she was, walked up to him. "I bet I can beat you in a drinking contest!" Karen, being the long-time alcoholic that she was, challenged him.

"I'm not paying you to drink," Duke injected, before being silenced by an angry, alcohol deprived growl.

"Pfft! First one in need of medical attention wins."

"You're on."

He grabbed a barrel of wine from the back of the room, or "breakfast" as Karen referred to it, and emptied it in a matter of seconds. His opponent did the same with about the same amount of difficulty.

Karen laughed, the reason a combination of pride and drunkenness. Then she collapsed, as she'd been drinking on the job all night.

However, the fact that Jack was the Harvest God and his liver can't explode anymore didn't make him immune to the temporary confusion (see kids, this story is educational) and extreme stupidity.

"Hey, who bets ah c'n blow up th's whole plash!"

"Crazy bum… ah, why not, you're on."

Jack won.

God help me, there is NOTHING scarier than Jack being God. It'll lead to the end of the world, which is why it's part of the 666 extravaganza! Check my profile for other 666 fics, if Satan hasn't already eaten your soul.