Author's note: I REALLY like this chapter, as it returns to chapter two, which was one of my favorites. But it's a bit crazier. It's also a more personal chapter, as Chi was real--save for the zombie part. Anyway, I present to y'allz...

Krazy Kai

Chapter Seventeen: An Occurrence at the Green Ranch

Duke's bar lay in rubble. The few tables and barrels that had survived the massive bang were either decaying rapidly or overturned and smashed. A slowly sobering Jack had to tiptoe to avoid splinters the size of icicles slashing through the bones of his feet.

All the drunks had been flung from the comfort of their chairs and through the smoke. Many were unconscious near Rick's store, although they would be unconscious regardless of an explosion.

It was to be expected. A drinking contest with Karen involved never went over well. Her alcohol tolerance was close to infinite. The trouble would be how drunk the loser would end up, often leading to something being set on fire. This time, however, they managed to find the only person in the village area of the island with fantastic powers, then get him drunk enough to blow it all up. They should have learned their lesson earlier.

But away from the chaos often proceeded by a drinking contest, the massive explosion of divine energy was causing stranger affects on the other side of the village.

Grey was standing alone in the middle of the deserted ranch, as rain fell harder and harder onto him. He paid no attention. Someone had been able to bring his worst fears into reality. And Kai was there all the time. He couldn't doubt it any more. The idiot was right.

But the trouble with Kai was over with, wasn't it? He hadn't seen him in a while. And it wasn't as if Jack had been around to bug him and make Kai flip out again, either. And when his darkest fears were realized, they were mere nightmares. They couldn't make anything happen in reality. Maybe his fears would go untouched.

And then the ground was ripped open.

The grass had split apart, and chunks of dirt were uplifted. It had seemed like a tunnel had been carved all the way from town, and out from it shot a swarm of green feathered, decaying chickens.

Grey let out a massive, high pitched, feminine screech. Thankfully, his voice was so high that only Jack's dog and the bats attacking the Harvest Sprites knew how afraid he was.

"What the hell is that?" he shouted, not at all disturbing the folks attempting to sleep at three A.M.

"I bet it's trying to sleep, ya jerk!" Saibara the blacksmith spat, in addition to several unnecessary expletives.

"You're going to die, old man! Quit complaining and give the young a chance to defend their actually worthwhile lives!"

Fueled with annoyance, Grey swung his pitchfork into the bird closest to him. If fell apart. Chickens weren't known for living long.

"Why the hell did these damn things pick now to show up, of all times?" the young man cursed.

It was bothersome, surely, but it was easy to destroy all the chickens. It disgusted him to see all the birds fall apart like that, but his life came first. They were dead anyway.

But the Grim Reaper loomed overhead.

Who, you should know by now, is Jack.

"Oh no! Grey!"

The Harvest God rocketed into the ranch, extending a fist. It smashed another chicken, showering him in green feathers. Triumphant, he did a backflip before returning to gravity.

"Thanks, Jack," Grey said, "but I really didn't nee…"

"And what are you doing killing chickens?" Jack inquired. "Weren't you giving me hell about that last summer?"

"Enough, Jack," his nemesis grumbled, slashing apart the undead flock.

Despite their rivalry, the duo managed to defeat anything in their path for a while. But one bird caught sight of Jack and glared.

"Another one's coming up," Jack said, rolling his eyes and readying his Blessed Sickle.

The Blessed Sickle had been used in the crusade by the original Harvest God against the Harvest Witch. It is the only object said to be used for the act of deicide, and is therefore the holiest and most powerful object in the Flowerbud Village universe. In the parallel universe of Mineral Town, every farmer and his grandmother can get their hands on one if they want to.

One, two! One, two! And through and through! The Blessed Sickle went snicker-snack…

…but that's because it hit the fence. It missed the zombie bird entirely.

The chicken continued to fly straight at Jack, dodging the other farmer completely. Its eyes burned with hatred as it targeted its beak at his skull.

"…Ch…" He gasped in horror, doubting that he was right. "Chi…?"

The chicken gave no answer, and never would, but Jack couldn't deny it. It had to be his first chicken, Chi, the catalyst for the first battle at the Green Ranch.

"It's not my fault, Chi! No one had taught me how to feed you, I swear to God… the God that doesn't give his role to idiots like me!"

Chi ignored him, not willing to give the man who killed him a second chance. He was a kamikaze chicken on a mission: fly straight through Jack's chest, regardless of the cost. He was going to pay for what he did.

But Jack refused. It was a stupid chicken. He was a god. There was no way he could lose the glory of becoming a deity. He would break through the formula of "Jack gets paranoid and exacerbates a situation, townspeople react negatively, hilarity ensues" that he was expected to abide by.

So he fired laser beams in every direction, most of which struck buildings or set forestfires.

And, to make matters worse, that stupid chicken started pecking the hell out of him