Krazy Kai

Chapter Eighteen: Only the Harvest God can Prevent Forest Fires

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

When Jack finally remembered his powers and obliterated the bird instantly, he sighed in relief. All the zombie chickens that had risen as a result of his magical explosions were strewn across the field.

However, he hardly had a reason to rest.

Moon Mountain was ablaze. The Goddess's pond had evaporated into steam, but the mermaid seemed too sleepy to notice that or the massive fire consuming everything in its range.

Before he could consider a way to fix it without putting himself in danger, Grey had already pushed him into the dirt road.

"Get over there and fix it!" commanded the antisocial rancher.

"Wait, maybe I have some kind of power that'll let me shoot it with water from here…"

"No way! You'll end up blowing everything else up! If you're gonna worsen the situation, at least go to a place where you'll suffer all the damage!"

"I fail to see the logic in that."

"GO!"

So, Jack was standing in front of an inferno, armed with a watering can. The village was doomed unless he could combat it somehow.

He ran in, noticing that all the water was gone or blocked off by fallen trees. This would so break his back and kill him, and he'd end up saying, "Stay gold, Grey" if he wasn't careful.

Oh, crap! Karen!

On days like these, she would be dancing in front of the carpenter's hut. And, out of fear, she might have dashed into the building for protection. The hut, filled with wood, would light up and burn to the ground instantly, and Karen's alcohol-filled breath wouldn't exactly help matters.

He blasted the door in two. Thankfully, it hadn't caught fire yet.

And inside the hut was the devil himself.

"Kai!" spat Jack, glaring. "Where is she?"

"Who are you referring to?" he said pleasantly.

"Go to hell! Karen!"

"She won't like that you told her to go to hell. Didn't you learn from the horse incident?"

"Damn you! Her bar shift is over, and there's no way she'd go back to her family! You're lying! Just tell me already!"

"Why should I?"

Jack bared his teeth like fangs and slammed an electrified hand through Kai's chest.

"Oh. That."

Kai waved a hand, and Karen was dragged into Jack's vision. She was unconscious, obviously from a head wound.

"Obviously, you learned nothing from the illusions," he commented, aggravated. "Not surprising, as you've suffered terrible paranoia as long as I've observed you. You're a madman. Leave me alone, and everything will be fine."

Glaring from a combination of fury and massive clouds of smoke, Jack chose to dismiss the final warning and kick Kai straight through the skull. He smirked in victory, only to notice Kai's face reforming after the attack.

"How the hell? I have godly powers…"

"Or maybe you're just some dick who thinks he's Superman."

Needless to say, Jack stuck to the "I'm the Harvest God" mentality as well as he did to the "Kai is a demon" one. He struck a second time, breaking Kai's hand under his foot.

The demon threw his opponent into one of the carpenter's shelves, almost sending an axe through Jack. Almost instantly afterward, a blue burst of energy cut into Kai's chest. After gazing through the crater in his flesh, he decided that the fight was over. He resisted the urge to shout, "OWNED!" at the top of his lungs, picked up Karen's unconscious form, triggered a bit of rain (oh, so now he figured it out) and left.

And, for a while, Jack thought he'd resolved all his problems. The demon must have been blown to bits, he'd stopped the fire, and he'd saved Karen's life.

---

"Oh my…"

The priest, whose sole purpose was being with the children constantly (but that's not suspicious at all…), was on a field trip with the three local kids. He stared in horror at the sight of Kai, their beloved… wine-making guy (you come up with a better job description).

The young man was critically injured. There was a hole straight through his body, and the skin around it was charred.

"Oh… Harvest Goddess…" He fell to his knees, begging. "…save this young man…please…"

The goddess, being somewhat sane, would never allow her powers to be used for saving the lives of demonic, soulless, evil people. But now that the priest expected an impossible recovery, the demon could bind Kai's body back together and have it thought of as a miracle, rather than the act of a demon.

His face lit up in joy as he saw Kai struggle to his feet as skin grew over the hole. Even the ridiculous amounts of blood Kai was coughing in his face couldn't ruin the priest's happiness.

"Jack…" wheezed the young man. "He…he did this…"

"Don't worry, lad. I'll spread the goddess's love the one way I can… by ensuring that he is killed. Violently."

"Good…"

---

Karen awoke in a small shack. It was in no way modern, even by the village's standards. There was a table, carpet, bed, and a TV. A massive bathroom had been added on, as large and complex as a dungeon, which stuck out dramatically. There was no kitchen; it seemed that the owner had been living off a half-full plastic bag stuffed with rice cakes. She got out of the bed to find that crazy farmer looking through his backpack to find medicinal herbs.

"Wha… what happened?" she asked, confused. In her head, she'd already come up with an answer: "Oh Goddess… he just abducted me."

"There was a fire. From…" He searched for a proper, non-incriminating term, "…natural causes." Jack's eyes darted back and forth. "Really. Not arson."

"Oh…yeah." Karen gripped her head. "Damn, this hurts."

"Oh, that's 'cause some demon thing must have beat you over the head and dragged you into the carpenter's place," Jack added casually.

"Makes sense," she replied, rolling her eyes. She just wasn't used to it, Jack reasoned.

"Hey, I saved your life!"

"Yes, and I guess you're not as horrible as everyone says you are…"

Unbeknownst to the two, a pink haired young woman was staring in through the window in horror.

"Jack!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, nearly causing Jack to fall to the ground. "Get away from that horrible, drunken slut! Oh yeah, and everyone's out to get your blood…again."

"So!" the farmer snapped back. "What else is new? But this time, Karen actually likes me!"

His door was broken down under Harris's foot. It had been shattered by a massive amount of force, as if the rage was so great that it manifested and started destroying Jack's private property on its own. The mailman grabbed both Jack's arms behind his back and shouted, "We got 'im!"

"What did I do this time?" snapped Jack, losing his tolerance for being lynched by angry mobs. It was one of the less enjoyable parts of his routine.

"Are you familiar with the term 'murder', you vineyard worker hating bastard?" Harris growled, tightening his grip. "Or are senseless murders a part of daily life in a city?"

"Actually--"

"Don't answer that!" Jack suddenly felt a fist connect with the back of his head, releasing a booming 'KLUDD!' Harris wasted no time, instantly calling out, "Rick! You got the rope?"

"Better!" boasted the geeky lad. His dorky smile spread across his face as he presented the mailman with a bundle of regular-looking, unimpressive rope. "I invented a new, super-rope guaranteed to work without any tr--"

The mass of rope in his hands spontaneously combusted while still in Rick's hands, causing him to instinctively toss the rope away. It twirled around and constricted Harris, preventing him from moving, at least until the fire could die down. Having no time to thank whatever deity was looking out for him, Jack dashed to the door, thinking his luck would last.

This was disproved the instant Thomas kicked him in the stomach, sending him to the floor, writhing in pain. He just had to think that, didn't he?

"AAAaacCK…" groaned Jack, adding more nonsensical, extraneous syllables to the grunt.

"Not even the Harvest God can save you now!" boasted the mayor, feeling victorious for once in his pathetic existence.

"Yeah, that's for sure…" Jack agreed. "Stupid…powers…wake…up…"

They didn't.