Session # 2: Communication Breakdown
OK, this is the second session from my series, Cowboy Bebop: the Next Set. It's a little different mood than the last one, hopefully a little more humorous. But if that's not the case than so be it...but I still hope you enjoy it...peace!
Hey, girl, stop what you're doin'!
Hey, girl, you'll drive me to ruin.
I don't know what it is about you,
But I like it a lot.
Oh, let me hold you,
Let me feel your lovin' charms.
Communication Breakdown,
It's always the same,
I'm having a nervous breakdown,
Drive me insane!
Hey, girl, I got something I think you ought to know.
Hey, babe, I wanna tell you that I love you so.
I wanna hold you in my arms, yeah!
I'm never gonna let you go,
Yes, I like your charms.
Communication Breakdown,
It's always the same,
I'm having a nervous breakdown,
Drive me insane!
Faye jumped from her bed, a bit dazed and groggy, with an absolute queasiness in the pit of her stomach. "Man! Did I have that much to drink last night?" She thought aloud as she hurried herself out of bed and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind and locking it.
Spike was coming out of his room at the same time as Faye, heading in the direction of the bathroom, scratching his head and yawning. He was wearing white boxer shorts and nothing else, squinting his eyes at the near unbearable brightness of the corridor. He watched the scene play out before him, a little puzzled as Faye ran to the bathroom and forcefully shut the door behind her.
She's trying to butt in front of me! He thought as he grit his teeth, wrinkling up his forehead. He walked to the door and was intending to pound on it and yell obscenities at Faye. He stopped mid-knock and placed his ear closer, listening to what sounded like Faye puking her guts out.
"Hair of the dog..." He laughed to himself, smiling and shaking his head a little, as he turned and walked back to his room.
A few minutes later Faye emerged from the bathroom, looking very pale and disheveled. She was greeted on the other side by Spike standing directly in front of the opening, towel draped over one shoulder. She walked right into his chest and nearly fell backwards.
"God! Get the hell out of the way gorilla!" She growled feebly.
"Well, good morning sunshine!" He yelled back at her, way to close to her ear, hoping to make her head pound even more. She glared at him and walked back to her room, attempting to shelter herself inside once more, only to be followed by Spike, his big mouth in tow.
"Whatta ya say you and I go out for dinner later, Faye-Faye?" Faye actually stopped to stare at Spike, speechless...if only her brain had been working properly she would've easily sensed the false sense of sincerity in his voice.
"I hear there's a new restaurant on Ganymede that serves boiled fish eyeballs in bile!" He was still yelling, and Faye cringed. "But what makes it really good is that it smells and tastes just like my favorite beverage!" His voice dripping with pseudo-enthusiasm and his tone unwavering as he pulled out an opened bottle of scotch and plunged it under Faye's red nose. She was too slow and unable to prevent herself from inhaling when the odor reached her already churning stomach. She gagged as she placed her hand over her mouth and ran back to the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it once more.
Spike scowled, believing that perhaps his very clever practical joke had backfired on him, as he was once again locked out of the bathroom. Then he heard Faye heaving uncontrollably behind the door; he could almost see her through it, crouched over the toilet. With that thought, he smiled, took a swig off the bottle, and began whistling as he walked away with his hands behind his head.
Faye spent most of the day in the confines of her bedroom, miserable from the feeling in her tummy. She could have sworn that she had only taken two shots from Spike's whiskey last night, but then again, she thought, similar situations had happened to herlike this before. If she had been drinking quickly enough, maybe she had blacked out after the next few drinks she consumed, causing her to forget the rest of the evening.
The air in the Bebop was stifling and humid, soaking everything in heat...the air conditioner was broken yet again. She could hear Jet pounding metal against metal for the better part of the day, the clinking and clanking preventing her from receiving even an inkling of much needed beauty sleep. So instead she just continued laying, half naked on her bed, concealed by the almost complete darkness. A damp wash cloth hung crossways over her forehead. It had begun its purpose at a soothingly cold temperature, but had become tepid in almost no time flat.
Faye sighed aloud. She thought back to that night three and a half weeks ago, and the little strip poker incident with her incorrigible shipmate.
The way Spike touched her that night made her shiver even now. She smiled into the blackness, almost blushing from the thought. And then there was a knock on the door, breaking her from her memory.
"Hey woman! You gonna get outta bed today?" Speak of the devil, she thought. It was Spike, of course, and he of course sounded insensitive and impatient as usual.
"I have a cure for that hangover if you want it!" He only raised his voice loud enough for her to clearly hear him through the door this time. Is he actually trying to be nice? Her mind wandered for a moment, puzzling over the thought.
Faye sat up slowly, hanging her feet over the edge of the mattress and setting the warm rag on the bedside table. Her alarm clock read 4:30 pm in bright red numbers that cast an eerie pink glow throughout her bedroom. She grabbed a scrunchie from the table and pulled the hair from her face into a very unfashionable looking ponytail. She didn't bother putting any clothes on, but chose instead to stay clad only in her small white tank top and red heart panties. She couldn't care less at this moment what Spike would think of it. She stood and stretched as she walked toward the door. She opened it to find Spike grinning before her, holding what appeared to be a tall glass full of raw sewage. The smell it gave off wafted toward her nose and confirmed her belief in its contents. Faye shuddered.
"Well, it doesn't look or smell like roses, but it will cure what ails you, I guarantee." Spike spoke somewhat self-consciously at first, looking down and rubbing his hand over the back of his head. Then he turned back to Faye with wide eyes, his expression trying to encourage her to drink up. He looks very innocent and childlike right now. She paused momentarily for cerebration. He's definitely too cute for his own damn good, and mine, she continued inwardly.
Faye jerked the glass from Spike's hand, "Well, bottoms up!" She plugged her nose with one hand and began guzzling the unsightly contents, Spike looking on with an "I can't believe she actually drank that shit!" look about his face. Faye incredibly managed to drink the whole thing down without pause for breath. As she finished, she handed the glass back to Spike and wiped her mouth with her hand.
"Thanks Spike! It actually wasn't that bad you know. What's in it?" She questioned, unsure if she was really ready to hear the answer.
"Oh not much...some various herbs and stuff. But what really helps are the raw eggs." Spike watched stupefied as Faye turned a pale shade of green and let out a juicy, grumbling belch. He continued in spite of her reaction, "Actually I think the real cure part comes from the scotch itself." He smiled, but quickly turned to squinching as Faye turned and ran into the bathroom, neglecting to shut the door behind her this time.
"What'd I say?" He mumbled, with eyebrow raised and lip curled slightly. He shook it off and shrugged his shoulders, walking off into the kitchen.
Christ! What's the matter with me? Faye thought as she exited the bathroom for the third time today, trying in vain to regain some type of composure.
After having a long, refreshing cold shower,Faye headed for the living room.She felt human again. Shebegan feeling better after her last visit to make confession at the porcelain alter. She lay down on the couch just as Spike reentered from the kitchen, beef jerky and a beer in hand.
"Hey!" He yelled, nearly dropping his beer. "That's where I'm sitting!" Spike sounded off, in a whiney roar.
"Funny...when I got here, no one was sitting here." Faye stated calmly. "So go away and leave me alone, Spike." She shut her eyes and continued to relax.
Spike growled and walked over to the couch. She lay only in her bathrobe, and as he suspected, nothing underneath. He looked down on the seemingly content Faye occupying "his space." He turned his back toward her and grinned menacingly before plopping down on Faye's head. She immediately began flailing her arms and legs about, struggling to get Spike's butt off of her face. She let out several muffled screams and curses and Spike braced himself, hanging on tightly to the arm of the sofa.
"What was that Faye? I couldn't quite hear you." Spike let out a well-earned, if not exaggerated, guffaw, as he pulled a cigarette out of his pack and began searching for a lighter. Faye continued fighting his ass.
Just then Ed and Ein came moseying into the living room, oblivious to the commotion at hand. They had obviously been napping. Ed yawned and rubbed her eyes. "What are Spike-person and Faye-Faye doing?" She said tiredly before opening her eyes wide and letting her jaw fall to the floor. Ed's mouth then formed into an overexcited smile, and she began panting and clapping her hands.
"Air raid!" She yelled and flew to the couch like an airplane, arms outstretched and whirring noises escaping her teeth. Ein began barking excitedly and spinning in circles. An inaudible screech came from under Spike's butt. It sounded something like "Ed! No!" But it was to no avail for Faye. Ed jumped directly onto Faye's stomach and began grabbing at Spike's head, eventually landing on top of his shoulders.
"Ahh! Ed, get offa me!" Spike groaned, grabbing Ed by her shoulders and dropping her to the floor with a bounce.
"Aww, but Ed wants to play too!" Ed whined. Receiving no sympathy from Spike, and with her attention span waning, Ed turned to Tomato and began looking for a worthy chess opponent.
As Faye continued her struggle, Spike discovered his lighter under the cushion of the couch. He tried lighting his cigarette but was unsuccessful due to Faye's attempts to free herself.
"Hold still will ya Faye? I can't get this smoke lit." He acted as though Faye wasn't beneath him, like she was unsteadily holding the lighter in her own hands. Faye decided enough was enough, cute or not. She was now running short on breath and sweating under Spike's surprisingly heavy frame. As Spike continued to try to light the cigarette, Faye grabbed onto his right leg and sunk her teeth into his inner thigh. She bit deep enough so that she thought she could taste Spike's blood.
Spike let out a deafening wail as he now attempted to free himself from Faye's pitbull-like hold. He stood from the couch, jumping around the room, and still Faye clung to his leg. He made an attempt to pick her upside down, but soon discovered that it felt as though he was aiding Faye in ripping out a chunk of his flesh. So he did the next best thing, he bent over quickly and in sheer pain, and tickled Faye in the ribs.
"Let go of me you rabid bitch!" Spike now screeched in agony. At the digging of his fingers into her ribcage, Faye released him and saw that she had indeed drawn blood, but was unable to point it out as Spike was still attacking her on the floor. She squirmed and kicked him unintentionally in the left knee, causing him to fall nearly on top of her.
Ed peered back from her screen with goggled eyes and only shook her head as if to say "Kids these days." But Ed's attention was soon taken by the beef jerky that was laying on the floor beside the grappling bodies of Faye and Spike. Ed pounced on the meat, grabbing it up with her teeth, and growling at Ein for sniffing at it. Ein yelped in fear as Ed gobbled it up voraciously.
Soon Spike released Faye from his tickling grasp and fell back onto the couch, exhausted. He reached down and touched the tender spot where Faye had bitten him. He looked at the blood on his fingers and wiped it onto his boxer shorts. He sat calmly, acting as if he hadn't been squealing like a sissy girl only minutes before. "Nice, Faye. Really nice. Thanks." He grumbled. Spike then left his post at the couch and retreated toward his bedroom, a feigned limp accompanying his gait.
"I may have lost the battle, but ill be damned if I lose this war." He spoke over his shoulder, all the while feeling a strange desire to return and sweep Faye roughly up into his arms and take her into his bedroom. He figured this was just the masochist in him, turned completely on by a smudge of his own blood on Faye's lower lip. He didn't turn around again.
Faye remained on the floor, flat on her back, watching as Spike entered his room and shut the door behind him. Men are such babies, she thought as she rolled over onto her side and breathed heavily.
"Faye-Faye's a vampire, a vampire, a bloody sucking vampire! Spike-person thinks that Faye-Faye is a rabid bitch bitchy bitchety bitch bitch!" Ed hopped around the room, singing happily, unfazed by the curses escaping her innocent mouth.
"Ok, Ed, that's enough." Faye rose from the floor and thought that she had better check on the wound she had inflicted on Spike, seeing as he was not making any effort to clean or dress it because he was too busy pouting in his bedroom. She left Ed standing on her head and spinning, still singing her bitch song.
Faye knocked lightly on the door. Silence. She rapped harder, just shy of banging.
"Go away Faye. You've caused enough damage for one day." She heard his voice speak calmly through the door.
"Oh come on Spike, just let me in so I can survey the damage." She paused for a second and then offered another quip, " Come on Spikey, I promise I won't bite!" She tried to use her most seductive voice, even going so far as making sad, longing eyes and a very pronounced pout in her lips, all while staring at the door. It opened. Spike stood in the doorway, the distinct look of disdain plastered to his countenance. Faye walked past him, settling herself on the bed and patting the empty space beside her as a gesture for him to sit.
"I'm fine Faye. Now get out." Spike stayed his position, motioning with his head for her to exit. She declined his offer and repeated her invitation for him to sit. He sighed and gimped toward the bed, dropping himself down, shoulders slumping. He lifted his leg and bent it slightly around Faye, exposing his injury to the waiting female.
Faye observed the wound, and flinched inwardly at how bad it looked. She felt a twinge of guilt surge through her body.
"I really am sorry, Spike. But you know I was practically suffocating under your big ass!" She looked up at Spike and smiled sweetly.
"I told you to move, didn't I?" Spike glared at her, dissident to her forced sweetness.
"Spike, don't be such a baby." She answered back, continuing to look at the torn flesh on his thigh. She got up without saying a word and went to her bedroom. Spike thought out loud, "Finally!", but before he could properly close the door, Faye reappeared with a first aid kit in her hands. She pulled Spike back to the bed with unrealized force.
"Geez, ok, mom." Spike spat dryly. Faye repositioned herself between Spike's legs and opened a small bottle of antiseptic, dabbing it on a cotton ball and gently patting the bite mark with it.
Spike jumped at the sting that the chemical sent up his leg. Faye continued without noticing his grimace. She dabbed at the wound a few more times and then discarded the cotton ball in the small trash can beside the night stand. She then unwittingly began blowing softly on Spike's leg, lulling him with her breath. His eyes rolled back in his head some, without his conscious knowledge. He quivered openly and Faye looked up with her eyes, realizing the pleasure he was getting from her unabashed sense of kindness. Men. She smiled and resumed what she had been doing, noticing as her gaze lowered that Spike let out an unmistakable sigh and also seemed to be "growing" before her eyes. She sat up abruptly, a little taken aback, and Spike snapped himself back to reality. He shook his head. Obviously the blood was all gone from atop his shoulders, as he sat dazed and let out a small snort in appreciation to Faye. As Spike licked the tip of his thumb and, still stunned, wiped the drying blood from Faye's lips, she recoiled. She slapped a band-aid onto the now purple, traumatized skin.
"There you go...good as new!" And with that Faye left the room, trying hard not to laugh out loud as she rounded the corner. Spike could hear Faye snickering down the hall as she departed. He looked to his lap and immediately felt his face become flushed. He jumped up quickly and shut the door, leaning against it as he let out a chuckle. He locked it. As he returned to his bed he spoke out loud to himself, "Well, I guess it's just me and me again tonight." And with that he lay down on his bed and turned out the light, realizing that the only release he would be receiving tonight would be bestowed upon him by himself.
Well, that took longer than I thought it would to complete, but I got it done just the same...I hope it was slightly enjoyable, to say the least. I'll be back in about a week with the third installment so keep an eye out...peace! Love, me!
Before I forget, and how could I possibly? The song "Communication Breakdown" by the great and powerful...no, not Oz, silly! The one and only Led Zeppelin...please don't sue me guys...I love you!
I must take this time to clarify one small detail about the story...I received one comment on not understanding what Spikey meant by "Hair of the dog..." For those of you who aren't aware of that quote, "the hair of the dog that bit you" refers to the horrible suffering that is brought on by a fierce hangover and the relief that comes from taking a dose of that which caused the suffering in the first place, alcohol. In essence, this means that if you drink too freely, a dose of alcohol in the morning will cure your hangover. I believe it originated because of the chemical make up of the alcohol that is used for consumption...the chemical compound forms the distinct shape of a dog...or at least that's how I was explained of the origin in high school chemistry class! But that's what it means...peace!