A/N: Is this chapter necessary? Maybe not. But I'm in a mood and am glad I could find a place to put it in any case.

Until 40 – Enjoy! xox-G

Chapter Thirty-nine

They walked into the first room they came to. As soon as the door shut behind them, Rafe began to apologize.

"I'm sorry. I just…" He started, only to be cut off by a kiss.

"I know." Alison said with a nod as she slowly pulled away. "But please. Think how you would feel if it was the other way around Rafe. It must be killing him to have to depend on you." She pulled him back towards her and tried to take him in her arms.

As hard as it was for him to do he held her off. "Alison. Wait. Please. I need to clean up a bit. I don't want to touch you until I do." Though he was talking about the grime he'd acquired while out doing battle, he was really talking about so much more. One of the vows he'd made to himself was to keep Alison as far away from this as he could. Even with that, all he knew at the moment was that every last inch of him was wrought with pain. Maybe a broken rib, a couple of sprains, he couldn't tell for sure. He wanted to get away from her so he could find out.

"Are you hurt?" She asked when she finally had a chance to take a good look at him. He had a gash near his temple and a bruise blooming over the left side of his jaw. She touched her fingers to the side of his face gingerly as she continued. "I mean, besides the obvious."

He shook his head and tried to move away. "Alison. I'm fine."

"I didn't ask how you were. I asked if you were hurt." She replied, her eyes narrowing at him. When he didn't answer right away she plodded on, grabbing hold of his sleeve. "Rafe. Answer me."

"I'm alright." He insisted.

"Stop. Don't do that. Please. Let me look at you." She replied as she drew him back towards her. Her fingers worked on the buttons of his tattered shirt until she finally eased it aside. Her eyes flew open with shock at what she found underneath. Everywhere she looked there was another scrape or bruise.

Tears welled in her eyes as she whispered. "Oh God. Rafe…"

"I'm fine." He said again as he captured her hands in his and gently pushed her back. "I just need a really hot shower. Please. Just give me five minutes."

"Rafe…" She said on a sob.

He couldn't comfort her the way he wanted to in the state he was in. "Five minutes." He promised as he turned slowly and walked away.

As she watched the door to the bathroom close and the water start running she began to shiver. Never in her life had she seen him in such a state.

He'll be fine. You know that. This is what he does, Alison. She reminded herself. This is who he is.

The problem was she'd never been this close to it before. And guilt washed over her, knowing that there was only one reason he had gotten himself hurt this time. She knew that he'd only fight like this for her.

Rafe leaned his head against the wall of the shower, exhaustion rising up and taking hold as the near scalding water pounded against his skin. As he stood there and took stock of the events of the day there was one thought that kept running through his head.

What the hell are you doing here?

You're keeping her safe, You're keeping them all safe. Rafe reminded himself as he turned off the water and searched blindly for a towel. Wrapping it around his waist he wandered into an adjoining closet, which was more like a dressing room. Grabbing clothes indiscriminately, he winced as he got dressed again. Running a hand through his damp hair, he moved slowly back into the bedroom.

And saw her sitting there, on the edge of the bed, staring at her lap.

"Alison…" He whispered as he sat beside her, gently placing his hand over her hair.

"I'm sorry." She murmured in reply. "I'm so sorry…"

"What are you talking about?" Rafe asked, completely confused. "Hey…" He said softly as his arms curled around her and he turned her to face him. "What's going on?"

"You…" She sighed, her voice barely audible. "Look at you."

"Shh. I'm fine. Just a few bumps and bruises." He drew her closer and held her to him and fought the urge to wince when his muscles screamed. "It looks worse than it is, Alison. Trust me. I'll live."

The words were meant to reassure her, but he felt her body heave with a sob as she fisted her hands in the t-shirt he wore and bury her head in the crook of his neck. "Are you sure?" She whispered.

Something in her voice had made him shiver. "Alison…"

"Is he dying, Rafe? Is that what this is? Are they both dying? Because if he does, Rafe if Caleb dies…"

And all at once he knew what she was asking. It seemed they could never get past this. Even with all the years they had been blessed enough to have together.

"Where does that leave me?" Rafe whispered as he held her closer.

She nodded her head, still clinging to him. "Yes." She said and then began to shake her head, not at all ready to hear his reply. "NO. Stop. Please. Don't tell me."

As Rafe fought to find the words to comfort her she kept on. "Don't say it. Don't tell me you're leaving. I don't accept that. I won't." Alison shook her head violently.

"Alison…" Rafe tried again. "I'm not sure what's going on here. That's what we're here to find out."

"How silly am I?" She whispered as she pulled back a bit and finally met his eyes. "How strange that I thought the idea would be easier to take the longer I was with you. But it's far worse now, Rafe." She began to sob again as her voice rose in terror. "I don't think I could do it. You can't go. I won't let you."

"OK. OK. Shhh. Look at me." He demanded softly as he framed her face in his hands. He waited until he saw her focus and went on. "Believe me, it's not in my plans to go anywhere for a long, long time."

Alison knew what he was trying to do, but she knew the truth. "But you don't control that, do you? You can't tell me it's not possible."

As hard as it was for him to admit he was just trying to hang on himself. He knew that this was going to get complicated, he knew the risks involved. "Alison…"

"I have no right complaining." She said as she ran a hand over his cheek. "I shouldn't have had any time with you at all. But I have and now…" She took a steadying breath. "I don't think I can live without you."

"You don't have to worry. If I ever have to leave, I'm pretty sure I'm taking you with me." He said as he ran his fingers through her hair.

She couldn't hold back a laugh as she looked at him. "Rafe…"

"It seems we take turns with this don't we?" He said, trying to force a smile. It was difficult to do considering that he was quite sure even his hair hurt at the moment. "Being scared. It's been a while since we've had to worry hasn't it?"

Alison nodded, not able to find the words to answer him at the moment.

"I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I don't know exactly what the cause of Caleb's problem is and I have no idea how to wake Livvie up. I don't know how I'm going to deal with Becky and Kyle once we get back home because now – I can't help it. I find myself liking the kid…"

Alison began to laugh louder at the look on his face. "Rafe…"

His voice got soft and serious and he stared into her eyes. "But there is only one thing that I am completely sure of." He said softly as he crooked a finger under her chin. "I love you, Alison."

"I love you too." She whispered as she kissed him, tracing the lines of his face with her fingers gently when she reluctantly pulled away.

"And if I wasn't so tired I'd show you just how much." He whispered back.

"I know you would." She smiled at him. "You should rest now. You've had a hard day."

"I'm fine." He said for the thousandth time, his eyes beginning to close.

"I can see that." She replied, smiling wider.

As she moved to urge him to lie down, he caught sight of her arm. "What happened to you?" Rafe asked as he snagged it and started to examine it closely.

"What?" She said, honestly not remembering. "Oh. That. It's fine. It was just Rachel's kitten."

"Kitten? A kitten did that?" Rafe asked, completely unconvinced. "Looks more like a lion."

"Trust me. It was just a kitten."

"Yeah. A vampire kitten." Rafe replied.

"Rafe." She cautioned.

"What?"

Alison knew full well the way his mind worked. "Sometimes." She said as she urged him to lie down again, "A kitten is just a kitten, Rafe."

"Yeah, and sometimes it's not." He said with a huge yawn.

Unwilling to keep arguing, and knowing he was about to fall under anyway she replied. "Sometimes, you're right, Rafe."

Satisfied that she'd gotten his point, he nodded as his head hit the pillow. She lay down beside him and snuggled close, realizing all at once that he had fallen fast asleep. "And sometimes, like this time…" She whispered with a grin, pushing the worries from her mind. "You're not."