Chapter Forty-one

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you." Cameron said softly as he stood behind Abby. He'd searched the whole house and now found her up in the attic, sorting through a box of pictures.

"Look at this picture." She said, her voice sounding far away. "Look how happy we are."

Cam took the photo from her hand. It was a picture of both the Donovans and the Kovichs, taken at Lia and Lynnie's wedding.

"It's a great picture. That was a great day." He whispered as he stared at her thoughtfully. Abby had been so out of sorts lately, he was searching for clues as how to help her through it.

Her back stiffened as he laid a hand on her shoulder. She stood quickly, brushing the dust off her jeans.

Abby shook back her hair and took a deep breath to steady herself before she spoke. "I'm sorry, honey. I must have lost track of time. Did you need something?" She asked as she turned to face him.

"Yeah. I do. I need you to tell me what's wrong." He replied as he tried to take her into his arms.

"Nothing's wrong." She replied with a shake of her head as she glanced at her watch. "Are you hungry? I was going to order a pizza for dinner. Aidan'll be home in about an hour."

Cam's heart broke as she moved away from him. "Abby. Please." He pleaded. "Let me help you."

"Cameron don't…" Abby tried to turn away again. If she let go she'd never pull herself back together.

"No. Oh no you don't. Abigail. Stop it. Neither one of us are leaving until you talk to me." He promised as he blocked her path to the stairs.

She looked up at him, devastation in her eyes. He was frightened to find out exactly what was troubling her so, but he knew until he knew there was no way to make it better.

"It's too much." She whispered as she turned away again, her voice choked with tears. "I want to stop it. I need to stop it now."

"Abby. You can't." He grabbed hold of her sleeve and made her face him. "Look at me Abby…"

"Caleb…he's going to do something dangerous. He's desperate. Rafe tried to help him but it's no use. And Oh God, Cameron. Lynnie…" Abby began to cry harder. "I can't let this happen. I can't…"

Despite her protests Cam was finally able to pull her close. "Abby shh." He held her tighter. "Don't do this."

"How can I just sit by let this go on?" She asked him, her voice desperate.

He bent down and placed a kiss on her hair. "Because it's not your choice Abby. It's not your job to change the future."

"I'm just lucky enough to see it." She said bitterly. "Lynnie's so happy she's tuned it out. Aidan's more miserable by the day. It's my fault." Abby sobbed. "I've done this to them."

Cam was beside himself as to what to do. It had been years since she'd been this distraught. The only other time he'd seen her in such a state was after her mother died.

"Abigail. Please." He begged her again. "Let me help you."

"How Cameron? How? Can you help me? I've tried to figure out a way to stop it. And I can't. I just have to let it happen."

She gazed up at him, sorrow filling her face. "I don't think I can do this. I can't pretend everything's going to be fine because it's not. Cam. It's not."

"I know." He said his own voice full of sadness. "But there is one thing I can promise you. You won't have to do it alone."

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"No Grant you can't use the microwave." Becky giggled as she walked down the stairs.

"OK. But the milk is cold. She can't drink it cold can she?" He replied. She could almost see him standing there, panicked beyond belief.

"No. She can't. But you can fill a bowl with warm water and heat it that way." Becky instructed.

"How do you know all this?" Grant replied, convinced it was a conspiracy. Even women who didn't have kids of their own seemed to know all the secrets.

"I've been babysitting since I was like 10. I've had lots of practice." She laughed back at him.

In the seconds that followed she could hear the phone tumble to the floor and the sound of Melissa wailing.

"Grant?" She yelled into the phone. "GRANT?"

The only reply she got was the muffled sound of her brother's voice. Becky could hear Melissa's blubbery sobs as Grant pleaded with her.

He finally got her settled in a chair and buckled her in. "OK, Prettiness. Please. C'mon. I told your mother I could do this. I can do this right? I just need you to work with me. Melissa. I'm begging you."

"GRANT!" Becky yelled louder, hoping he'd finally pick the phone back up.

"What? Oh – sorry Becks…" Grant sounded out of breath when he finally came back on the line. "Oh God. No. No. Melly, please. Don't do that." He dragged his hand through his hair and left it standing on end as he stared down at his daughter. "Oh my God Becky. Her face is bright red. I think she might explode."

She knew that he was about to lose it, which was the only reason she didn't break down in an hysterical fit of laughter.

"She won't explode. Grant do you want me to come over there and help you?" She offered. "I'll go get Ella and we'll come by."

"NO." Grant protested. "NO. I told Chloe I could handle this. If I don't she'll never take a break again and I can't let that happen."

"OK." Becky's heart went out to him; her brother was so incredibly sweet. "OK. Here's what you do. Where are you? The kitchen?"

"Uh huh." Grant replied as he continued to look at the baby, praying she wasn't hurting herself she was crying so hard.

"OK. First of all, put the phone down and put me on speaker. You need two hands to deal with her."

There was a click and the crying got louder so she knew he'd done what she asked. "OK. Good. Now. Put on the CD player. Turn it up really loud." Becky instructed.

Frantic, Grant moved to hit play and turned up the volume. The lilting, soothing sound of music filled the air.

As soon as Becky heard the sound she continued. "Go pick her up. Hold her so her head is resting on your shoulder."

After a bit of difficulty, Grant finally freed Melissa from the confines of her seat and was holding her as Becky had told him to.

"OK. I've got her." Grant replied.

Becky smiled widely as she heard the baby's cries lessen. "Now, shift your weight back and forth, rock her a bit." The image of her brother doing all this had her smiling wider. "Look, she's happier already." She said with a laugh. "You see? She just wanted to dance."

Grant couldn't believe it, but it seemed to be true. Miraculously, within seconds Melissa had stopped crying and was now gurgling happily, drooling all over his shoulder.

"Oh my God." Grant's voice was full of awe. "I'm going to buy you the biggest present ever, Becky I swear to you."

"Just give her a kiss for me." Becky replied with a smile. "Once she calms down you should be able to feed her. Try and do that so Chloe won't have to when she gets home."

"I will. Thank you Squirt." Grant's voice was filled with so much gratitude he nearly wept. "You'll make a great mother someday."

"No problem." She smiled as she heard the doorbell ring, suddenly thinking of her own future. "Someone's here. I gotta go. Seriously call me if you need me."

"OK. Thanks Becks." He said with a sigh.

"You're welcome." She replied as she clicked off the phone and opened the door.

"Your father would be mad at you for not checking who it was first." Kyle said with a smile.

Becky's eyes flew open wide as she threw the phone to the floor. "Oh my God! Kyle!" She cried as she flung herself into his arms. "You're home!"

"Yeah I'm…" He began but that's all that he was able to get out. The rest of his words were cut off by a kiss.

"I missed you." She whispered as she fisted his shirt in her hands and pulled him inside. "So much. I thought I'd die without you…" She said between kisses.

"OK…Becky…" Kyle laughed as she dragged him to the couch. She was holding him so tightly he couldn't breathe. "Easy…I missed you too."

"I couldn't sleep." She went on, kissing every inch of his face before her lips settled on his again. She kissed him, slowly and deeply before she went on. "I was so scared for you. I thought about you every second."

"Me too." He replied as his mouth trailed down the curve of her neck, his hands moving up to frame her face. Her skin was so soft, how had he forgotten how soft it was?

"Liar." She giggled as his breath teased her ear. "You were too busy to worry about me."

His lips covered hers and he took her mouth again. As he did the rest of their lives flashed before his eyes. He wanted her and the way she moved under his hands made it hard for him to concentrate. He knew that if he went any further tonight he could risk it all.

Reluctantly, he pulled back and tried to answer her. "I'll always worry about you." He said, fighting for his breath.

"Me too." She whispered as her hand moved up to rest on his cheek and she touched her forehead to his.

Kyle turned his head and placed a soft kiss on her palm. "I love you Becky." He whispered as he stared into her eyes. "It's so good to be home."

Home. She repeated in her mind. A tingle crept up her spine as she realized that he truly meant it. Her heart burst with love as she replied. "It's good to have you home."

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"We really should get going." Rafe said softly as they sat in the back of a taxi.

"Not until we do this." Alison replied as she linked her hand with his.

"He's on a mission to kill himself." He grumbled.

Alison knew it wouldn't be easy for Rafe to walk away. When he'd began a fight, he always wanted to see it through to the end. And she was sure he would this time, but all of that could wait.

"Right now he wants to be alone Rafe. Let him." She said softly as she brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed his softly. "Right now, I want you to worry about you."

The car slowed as they came to a long winding driveway. It was tree lined and grand, sure to rival the grounds of Caleb's manor had it not been neglected for years.

"This is your house?" Alison gasped as they came to a stop.

"Yeah. So?" Rafe replied with a shrug.

She pulled her hand from his and stepped out of the car. She gazed up at a large stone faced mansion, the architecture beautiful and ornate. She moved to the large wooden door and twisted the knob, delighted when it creaked open. As she stood in the foyer she could tell immediately. This was a home that had housed generations. She could almost feel Rafe's ancestors still roaming about the halls.

Years and years of dust and neglect covered the floor and stairway. Cobwebs hung from the rafters, floated from the crystal chandelier in the center of the ceiling. Even with that she could picture the way it had looked years ago in her mind.

"This is beautiful." She whispered as she felt him stand behind her.

"It's alright." Rafe replied.

Alison turned to face him. "It's amazing. You've said so little, I always figured you grew up in a small house, somewhere in the countryside."

"No this is it." He said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. His mind raced as he tried to keep the memories from flooding his head.

"Well. It's so beautiful, Rafe." She whispered as she ran a hand along the banister of the stairs. "This woodwork, it's gorgeous."

"Yeah. Well. Now you've seen it so, let's get going." Rafe said as he walked towards the door.

"No." Alison replied as she raced back to him and grabbed hold of his hand. "Come on. I want you to show me everything. I want to hear all about this place."

He trembled as she pulled him back inside. "I don't want to do this." He said quietly.

Alison stared at him and ran a hand up his arm, hoping to soothe him. She had never in her life seen him so scared.

"If you really don't want to we'll leave. But I think that you should Rafe." She said softly. "I think it's been far too long already.

"This place was too big." He began as he walked through the foyer and towards the back of the house. "By the time I was ten it was just the two of us here. She'd even let Ylenia go."

"Who was Ylenia?" Alison asked tentatively. She knew him so well, they'd be married for nearly thirty years. But she'd never known any of this. She couldn't believe he'd kept this from her for so long.

"Our housekeeper, our cook, my nanny." He shrugged in reply. "All of the above. It was getting too dangerous. We had lost so many people who were close to us. It got to the point that we just started to shut people out and send them away."

It must have been so lonely, Alison thought to herself. She gently kept on, hoping he'd keep talking. "Was this all because of Caleb's family? Is that why you've always had to fight him?"

"It was his family, and those they turned. I still don't know who it was who killed my mother." He said as they finally got to the kitchen. It was just as he remembered, the furniture turned over, shards of china and crystal everywhere. This was one of the last places he'd seen her alive.

A dark stain spread over the floor towards the doorway, trailing up towards the doorknob. Even though it had been years there was no mistaking that something horrendous happened in this place. The air seemed colder here and Alison shivered. She found herself grasping for Rafe's hand as he suddenly pulled away. He crossed to the door and pried it open, and stepped out to the courtyard outside.

He needed air. He couldn't breathe. Standing there in the kitchen he'd felt like the walls were closing in. He couldn't stop the horrible images from flying through his mind.

After a few moments Alison followed behind him. She rested a hand on his shoulder and felt him jump.She leaned close and whispered. "Rafe. Please. Tell me what happened?"

He shook his head and moved away. "NO. I don't want any of this to come near you. We've begun a new life now. I should leave this all behind. You've been through enough just by getting involved with me."

She realized now why he'd been holding back. As always, he'd been trying to protect her. She wasn't going to let him push her or these memoriesaway any more.

"I don't want you to suffer like this alone. I want to know, Rafe. I want to know everything. Good or bad. I want to be here for you."

"Please." She whispered as she pulled him to face her. She gazed up at him and pleaded. "Please let me."

As he looked down at her and he knew she meant it. It dawned on him that if the tables were turned he'd want to do the same for her. For the first time he found himself being able to let it go.

Rafe was staring off into space, lost in the memories. "I'd gone off to fight and for the first time she didn't want me to leave. It was as if she knew what was coming and wanted me here to protect her. But I'd convinced myself it would be OK. I mean, she was a slayer too so I convinced myself that she'd be safe." He shook his head trying to clear it as he continued. "But I'm sure it happened not too long after I left. I'm sure they'd just been waiting for me to go."

She could see that although Rafe was standing right there with her he was so far away. "Rafe…"

"I came back to…this." He said, his voice broken. "And I knew the minute I saw it that she was gone."

He couldn't believe how real it all seemed. How he was right back there, that day clearly playing in his mind. "I don't know how she was killed or if she was just hurt and kept captive or something. I wouldn't put it past them but there was so much blood." He stopped for a second when his voice choked on a sob. "I don't even know where she ended up. I never found her body. I just know whatever they did - they must have made her suffer." He said his words laced with pain. "I let this happen. I'll never forgive myself for that." Rafe whispered.

"No. No. You haven't…" Alison replied as she ran a hand over his back.

He was still talking, the words spilling out of him now. It was like he was helpless to stop it. "I left and tried to find her, and somewhere along the way what I found was Caleb…"

"And then - he killed you." She whispered.

"Yeah." Rafe laughed bitterly. "Yeah. So. Even when I tried to make it right - I failed once again."

"No you haven't Rafe." Alison insisted. "Far from it."

Rafe took a deep breath and blinked back tears. "When I came back, when I got another chance, a part of me wanted to come here and try to find her but then...there was you." He said as a small smile crossed his face."You made me so happy. I hadn't been happy in such a long time…"

Her heart broke as she gazed up at him. She reached up and ran a hand over his cheek as she whispered. "I'm glad that I make you happy."

Rafe pulled her close and buried his nose in her hair. Alison sighed as she finally felt him give in.

His words were broken as he continued. "It's like I gave up on her. Like I pretended it didn't matter. And all this time, I just can't help but think I could have done something. I don't even know where she is. She could still be alive, somewhere and I don't know."

"I know…I know...Shh." She whispered as she held him closer.

His hold tightened as he continued. "I wanted her to be proud of me and all I know is how I let her down."

All it once it all came together. Alison knew now why he was so concerned with keeping them all safe. How he felt like he'd failed whenever any one of them got hurt. And she hoped, now that she knew, she could help him finally be able to let it go a bit.

"You can stop worrying, Rafe because I have absolutely no doubt…" Alison said as she kissed him softly. "Wherever she is - she is incredibly proud of you."