Here's the longer chapter I promised. What Serena thinks will be in italics. Oh, and when I said Senior Martini, Senior was like Mister in Italian. Um, okay....yeah. Also, if you've never seen Under The Tuscan Sun, you should because it's hilarious.
I have bought a house in a foreign country...
Serena put the large brass skeleton key into the key hole. After throwing herself on the door a few times in finally gave way and let her in.
...The house and the land it takes two oxen two days to plow. Not having a plow or an ox I'll have to take their word on that...
Serena examined her house. There was a board missing from the ceiling in the kitchen. The faucet she had banged her arm on didn't work. She found empty wine bottles in the basement, a single grape on the grape trees, and a room full of newspapers.
...Buyer's remorse is a common affliction among new home owners. Just because you have an acid stomach and a sudden urge to weep doesn't mean you have made a mistake. Everybody knows old houses have their quirks... especially three hundred year old houses. I have inherited ten thousand empty wine bottles, one grape, every issue of La Natcione printed in 1958, and assorted previous tenants...
Serena took to dusting of the drapes. She saw what looked like a scorpion-like-beetle thing crawling up the wall. She grabbed a boot and smashed it then quickly pulled the boot away, tripped, and fell into the drapery. Another scorpion bug fell into the front of her shirt. She freaked out and jumped out onto the nearby balcony and pulled off the jean jacket she was wearing as she squealed. The jacket was followed by her tan tank top. She was left standing in her bra and jeans on the balcony as she searched her clothes for the bug that had so rudely assaulted her. She snapped her head up. She hadn't noticed the family standing on the road until one of the children started crying.
"Grr..." She stomped back into her house. Perfect way to settle in huh?
...The trick to overcoming buyer's remorse in to have a plan: pick one room and make it yours...
Serena chose the small sitting room. She moved a table in front of the window, and set some books, some postcards and various knick-knacks on it.
...Go slowly through out the house, be polite, introduce yourself, as it introduces itself to you...
She took a towel and wiped at a white painted circle on the bed frame in the upstairs bedroom. Slowly, a picture began to appear. She raised her eyebrows: the house never ran out of surprises. She continued to wipe a painting of the Virgin Mary began to appear. She smiled at the painting. Maybe this wasn't such a mistake after all.
"You did what?" cried Michelle. Serena had called her to tell her not to meet her plane home because she wouldn't be on it. Michelle turned to Amara. "Serena bought a house in Tuscany!" Michelle turned her attention back to Serena. "And you're going to live there? Alone?"
Serena was calling from a pay phone outside because Bramasole didn't have a telephone. "Well I'm not there alone, I'm there with bugs," Serena joked. Actually, it wasn't really a joke, it was true.
"Ew," said Michelle.
"So how's the belly?"
"It's good, it's growing. Oh my God, I can't believe you did this," said Michelle. Serena chuckled on the other end of the line. "Did you already sign?"
"Yes. Why?" asked Serena. Michelle "uh"ed and "um"ed trying to think of why. "What? You think I shouldn't have? Are you telling me I made a mistake?"
"I don't know, did you?"
"Well, I don't know! I mean, you're the one who gave the whole crossroads speech!"
"Oh yeah, that was me," Michelle remembered. "Um, okay! Wow! So you bought a villa in Tuscany! So what's it like?"
"Um, well, it needs a little work."
"Well, who's gonna do it?"
"I am."
"You are?!? I guess I never realized you were so handy."
"I can do things you know. Remember I fixed that sink?"
"The sink in your kitchen? No, that was me."
"Yeah, but I handed you the rubber thingy."
"The plunger? That was Andrew!"
"I can't believe you. Why? Why did you say his name?"
"I'm sorry. I forgot. I'm sorry. Sorry."
Thunder rumbled overhead. "I can make this work, I mean, of course I'm not going to do all the work. I'm in Italy; I can call upon the Roman gods to do all the heavy lifting."
"You're right. Then, just supervise, tell them what to do. So, have you met him yet?"
The rain was beginning to fall. "Who?"
"The guy you're gonna meet."
"Michelle, please. Look, um, it's starting to rain. So I think I gotta go now. I want you to kiss the belly for me alright?"
"Uh, Ser I-"
"Bye bye!" Click.
Michelle turned to Amara. "Can you star 69 Italy?"
"No," said Amara, shaking her head.
"Well, I'm gonna try." She punched in the numbers and waited. "Hello?"
Serena ran as fast as she could to Bramasole. She reached the door and fumbled with her key for several moments before finally entering her house. She slammed the door behind her and switched on the lights which flickered on and off for a short while before going out. She counted the time between the thunder claps and lightening strikes.
"One one thousand. Two-" CRASH! Serena screamed. "Crap!"
She fearfully hummed to herself as she shakily lit a candle. She dropped about ten matches as she tried to gab one from the matchbox. She hummed louder to herself. The window let in large clusters of tree leaves as the candle wick caught the flame. She ran over and looked out the window where she saw large branches of lightening strike the valleys of Tuscany, then ran back into the middle of the room when one hit the roof. She ran to the stairs sliding on news papers the lay scattered by the wind. The bedroom looked like a mess: leaves were blown in by the wind and the floor was slippery from rain. Serena hurried to close the windows but abandoned her efforts when she saw the our door washing machine get struck by lightening where it was then lifted of the ground then released to crash down the side of a cliff.
Serena jumped into the bed and covered her head with the blankets. She heard something screech somewhere in the room. She whipped the covers off of head and looked around letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. She saw a white owl perched on the backrest of a chair next to her bed.
"Oh my God. Oh my God," she said to no one. She looked the bird in the eye. "You're gonna be okay. You're safe here. Just... don't fly around okay? You freak me out!" Serena whimpered to the bird. She looked up at the head board and saw the Virgin Mary smile down at her. Serena lay a hand on the portrait and lay her face in her other hand where she tried to calm her heavy breathing.
The next day was ironically calm. The birds were chirping and the sun was shining like noting had happened.
"Senora? Senora Tsukino?" asked Senior Martini. Serena opened her eyes to find she had slept through the rest of the storm. She looked over to him. "Bon journo. I see you have survived the storm.
Serena felt herself to make sure she was in one piece. "I'm alive. But, the, uh, the washing machine is dead." Serena looked to where the owl had been. Only a feather remained.
"Yes, the machine was electrocuted. I am glad to see that you are not."
Serena smiled. "You ca- you came to check on me?"
"You are meeting the contractors today and I came to help you. I believe one of them is already here."
"Here?"
"Downstairs."
Serena walked over to the window and pushed away a shutter. Leaning against his orange car was a man dressed in a tan suit. He looked around thirty and appeared to be very good looking.
"Oh. He's here."
"I was hoping to take this wall down and make these two small rooms into one big room." Serena explained to the contractor.
"How wonderful," he replied with a suggestive voice. "You should have been an architect, you have excellent taste."
"So, do you think it can be done?" Serena asked.
He took a step towards Serena so that they were almost touching. Serena took a step back and he took a step forward. "Hidden pipes-one week. Bathrooms- Three days. Senora, give me the keys to this place and in one month I will give you back the keys to you palace." Serena stepped back into a table. She looked to Senior Martini and shook her head. Her luck with contractors would now become very interesting.
Her luck got better after she had dealt with one contractor who wanted to demolish the house and one who couldn't see worth a flip even with Coke Bottle glasses. Thankfully, one man arrived who knew the chimney already because he'd fixed it once before.
"Would you like to see the rest of the house?" asked Serena.
"Okay. Yes, yes," replied the man which surprised Serena because she though he only spoke Italian.
Apparently, he did. He only knew Okay and Yes. It turned out that he also had three other workers with him. When he walked up to them they jumped out of the back of the truck. Serena nodded to them as she walked up.
"Halo miss," Said the first one. He was only about eighteen with blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and spoke with a Polish accent. He looked kind to Serena. "We are not Italian. We are from Polonia."
"Poland. Oh. Do you all speak English?"
"Only me. And only a little. I am Zoicite. (A/N: In the original Japanese version Zoicite in a guy.)"
"Well, Zoicite, nice to meet you," said Serena. She moved on to another man with long white hair. He seemed shy and looked middle aged, but he was very obviously well learned and an intellectual.
"Bon Journo," she greeted.
"Malachite," was all he said. The last worker was a man in what appeared to be his late fifties. He was shaky but had kind eyes.
He took Serena's hand and said "Nephrite."
Serena nodded. "Serena." She walked over to Senior Martini. "What do you think on Nino?" (A/N: Nino is the name of the contractor.)
"I know his mother. If he does a bad job there will be touble"
"Okay." Serena went and stood next to Nino. "Okay. Yes." She said.
"Okay? Yes? Yes, yes," said Nino smiling.
Nino walked into the door way of the wal between the two rooms. He turned and looked at Serena. "Okay......yes."
The workers took to deconstruction the wall. Zoicite turned to Serena. "See Serena? No problem!" Suddenly the wall shook and plaster and brick started to fall.
"Nino?" She looked up at the wall. "Oh God!" She ran out of the house with the others following hot on her trail. Just as they exited the house they were enveloped in a cloud of dust. Coughing as the dust cleared they heard more sounds of things falling. After the dust had finally cleared they were all silent. Nino looked as more things fell. He turned to Serena.
"Okay...yes."