Disclaimer: I don't own Under the Tuscan Sun or Sailor Moon. Sorry I forgot the disclaimer a few times.

He was, and she was seated right beside him. Close enough to smell his Drakkar Noir. He flirted with seductively, by swiping some oil from the oil bottle across his bottom lip. Serena raised her eyebrows, surprised. Around them the family spoke in quick, fluent Italian and exchanged inside jokes. Serena had a hard time keeping up. All of a sudden, Placido's mother burst into tears.

"Stop it, Mama. It is embarrassing." Placido hissed in Italian.

"Is she okay?" Serena asked, slightly concerned.

"Of course she's fine." replied Placido's wife. She turned to the elderly woman. "Mama, that's enough!"

"My granny's very sensitive." explained Amy. "She cries all day."

"I see…" Serena said. She picked up her glass and raised it. "Are we celebrating anything in particular tonight?"

A female voice from behind answered her with great enthusiasm. "Gratitude to the gods for saving us from droughts, mad dogs, and glandular disorders." The table laughed and Serena turned to see the blonde from her first day in Tuscany. The very same one that had convinced her to buy Bramasole! "Good evening everybody! Sorry I'm late!"

Placido's wife rushed to the blonde smiling, and exchanged cheek kisses with her. "Mina! Hand me your hat."

"Do you like it?" Mina asked. Serena smiled. How ironic to run into the mysterious woman here!

After Mina had been seated, she turned the conversation towards Serena. "I suppose it wasn't a terrible idea at all buying a villa in Tuscany." she said. "Are you up there all alone? No lord and master, no consort?"

"No." Serena chuckled at how pathetic she must have sounded. "Do you have one?"

"One! Ha!" Mina exclaimed. Apparently the idea of her having only one man in her life was absurd. Immediately, Placido's grandmother burst into tears all over again, mourning in mumbled Italian.

Amy rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples. "I knew this would happen. Remember?" she said to her mother.

"Don't blame me! I told your father not to get her that computer."

"She got an email lover, you see, from Ecuador." Placido explained. "Finally, she had to tell him… her age." Serena nodded. Her dark haired Savior nodded too, but was still staring at Serena, who didn't seem to notice. "And now…"

"No mail!" shouted the old woman. "NO MAIL!"

"Oh, you had it coming." Placido scolded.

"You're wrong." she protested. "I hurt in my heart! Even though I am old, my heart still aches."

"I'm so sorry." Serena sympathized. Mina put on an understanding look and patted the old woman's arm.

The dark-haired savior brushed Serena's Arm. "L'amore."

"Si." Serena replied.

He asked her a question in Italian. "Si," she replied. He furrowed his brow. And asked again. And again, she insisted "Si."

"Celibe?" he asked.

"Celibe… celibate?" she questioned. Was he asking her if she was having sex?

"Yes, yes."

"Celibate!" It was a surprising question but… "No, I mean…A-ha-ha-ha! Well, I have to admit, it HAS been a while…"

Mina leaned over. "'Celibe' in Italian means 'single'. He's not asking when you last had sex, he's asking whether or not you're married." she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh…" Serena whispered, embarrassed. "Thank you." She turned to him. "No, I'm not."

The woman who had recently been serving the food came and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Everything all right darling?"

"Oh, terrific. I'm just eating."

Mina nodded in his direction. "He is."

Serena was silent for a moment. "OhmyGod." Then she finished her entire glass of wine in one gulp.

xxxXXXxxx

Later that night, Mina and Serena went on a walk through the streets of Italy.

"Oh, I feel like such an idiot!" Serena whined.

"Don't. Flirting is a ritual in Italy! Just enjoy it!" Mina said taking another bite of her chocolate ice cream cone. "Mmm! Taste this! It's gorgeous."

Serena took a bite. "Mmm!" Mina placed an arm around her shoulders and the women began to walk again. Serena sighed. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"This!" Serena motioned to Mina's outfit, but also meant her personality.

"Well, hats make me happy. And ice cream! You see, ice cream changed my fate! It was because of ice cream that my beloved Fefe discovered me."

Serena gasped. "Fellini!"

Mina nodded, the chuckled. "He discovered me in the Piazza Novena, with my parents, eating an ice cream! I was gobbling it down, letting it dribble all over my chin because I was very hungry. 'Do you like ice cream?' he asked me. I didn't know who he was! I was 16. 'You are my imagination come to life' he told me. He wasn't just a great director, he gave great advice." That last bit Mina pointed at Serena.

Serena sighed. "I'm listening."

"Fefe said you have to live spherically--in many directions, never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will come your way!"

xxxXXXxxx

So now I was getting posthumousadvice from'Fefe', and I tried to follow it today by pulling ivy, spherically and with childish enthusiasm…

Serena hacked and pulled and chopped at the thick ivy growing up the side of her villa. Suddenly, a movement underneath it caused her blood to run cold. There was a huge snake under the ivy! She watched in horror as it slithered into her house, and she lost sight of it.

This. Was. Not. Good!