A/N: Sorry this took so long...had to have a kidney removed which hindered my writing for a bit but hopefully things will flow a little better if I can actually get my interest back to do any writing...nothing like major surgery to put a damper on your day...err week...err you get the point. Enjoy it if ya can.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or anything related to it in any way, shape, or form in this existence and probably any other existence...I have pretty shitty luck

Where Does Existence Lie?

Chapter 2: Background Noise

By: Frozenwords

Earth...the entire world sits before me, quiet and lonely in the vastness of existence ...always quiet and lonely. It is a speck standing out in the infinite darkness...nothing in the grand space of all things yet this is where I live...where I fight a battle a barely understand. The sight in front of me fades slowly but rather than fading into darkness, it fades into light.

Blinding, white light is all encompassing...all consuming though I can not shield myself from it...I'm not entirely sure if I want to. Despite the feeling that all my senses are being disrupted by this, I can still somehow feel some..some being lording over me, the source of all this powerful yet comforting light.

It is faint, barely above the quietest of whispers yet seems to reach into the very core of my being...a voice...that voice...

"Why..."

"Why what? Who...who are you?" My own voice sounds strange as if it really isn't being spoken though it still comes out stuttering and unsure.

"Why did you choose this?"

"I don't understand...I don't..." The warmth from the light suddenly increases, passing over me...passing through me and of me and for a brief second, I hope that I never have to leave this place but as soon as it starts, it is pulled away by the sounds of the morning.

"You stupid moron! Where is my breakfast!" My eyes flutter open ever so slowly though I'm pretty sure that even despite the dream my mind awoke completely at the sound of my screeching alarm clock...or Asuka as most people call her. One thing I've learned is that she will undoubtably wake up extra early on days that all I want to do is sleep. Once again, fate's whipping boy takes another for the team but then I guess it could be worse...

I rise to my feet and shuffle mindlessly to the door opening it up to find the seething red head standing there in mid motion to slam her fist against my door, the slightest bit of shock on her face at my sudden appearance. The shock soon gives way to more flashes of red anger as her hand slaps me across my face.

"You pervert! Put some pants on before you open the door. Do you think anyone wants to see that!"

Of course Asuka lies around all day in less clothes than I'm wearing at the moment but I figured its best not to bring that fact up. I really don't feel like any more abuse, and I know I will always inevitably end up taking it...I can't justify stopping it one way or another and honestly, my mind is slowly being taken over by thoughts of my latest dream. Not the first time I've experienced something like that and really, it feels like they've been there since the beginning though not always as comforting as that one had been.

I suddenly forget that Asuka is still standing in front of me, and she is clearly seething for the fact that I had been ignoring her as I was lost in my own little world. Another slap meets my face, and she spins around with a rather nonfeminine grunt leaving quickly. I continue standing there in the doorway for a few more seconds for really no reason before letting out a large yawn knowing it was time for another day...hopefully another one without Angels.

An hour later am still busying myself with cooking both breakfast and lunches for both me and Asuka. I know it is getting late into the morning, and it is only a matter of time before...

"Oh shit!" The sound of something hitting the floor and a large pile of what has to be beer cans signals that Misato has finally awoken. As usual, she is running late. I smile slightly as I gaze down at Pen Pen who gives me a knowing nod. Sometimes that penguin is far too perceptive...maybe even more than me sometimes.

I hear Misato bashing and slamming into various things in her room as I set the table for breakfast. Eventually, she comes tearing into the room like a cannonball, still pulling on her shirt yet at the same time drinking her first morning beer. I turn around quickly as all of her modesty is still not covered, hiding the smallest of blushes.

"Morning Shinji...ah breakfast smells great." She sits down heavily at the table but not before slamming her beer, leaving nothing but an empty container to fall to the floor...for me to clean up. She starts gobbling down food and to my amazement, somehow has a new beer already in her hand. I shake my head as I go back to finishing up some things. It is not long before Asuak's voice is heard coming into the room.

"Finally some food. Took you long enough." I don't turn around though I can hear her sit down. She starts eating hungrily and loudly though all the background noise is soon tuned out as I busy myself with washing some dishes while continuing to contemplate my latest dream.

I was hard to explain just like all of them despite this one being the most straightforward I think I've ever had. Most of them were very disruptive and vague, images and lights flashing more rapid than I could even see, and every time I awoke I felt strange and unsettled, and sometimes so empty...very, very empty. However this time, what I first had seen had been completely clear and there had been a distinct voice speaking to me...a voice I knew but just couldn't place. Also, that light...that overwhelming light had been one of the nicest feelings I have ever felt in so very long, safe and inviting. I didn't want it to end.

Eventually, I come back to reality when my stomach grumbles and I turn around to eat my food only to find my plate empty. I look over at Misato who is digging back in the fridge and then at Asuka who is whistling to herself nonchalantly as if nothing happened, busying herself with her nails. I look down at Pen Pen who is just shaking his head at me. A small smile forms on my face as Misato lets out a yelp of pain as she bangs her head on the refrigerator as she pulls out.

"Dammit all!" She glares at her watch as she rubs the back of her head before her eyes nearly bug out of her head.

"Shit! I need to get going. I'll see you two later for dinner. Bye now." Misato gives me a kiss on my cheek before she leaves, and I slap her away in sheer embarrassment. Soon enough, the human whirlwind that is Misato has soon burst through the door and screeching tires is soon heard as she speeds off into the city. I look back over at Asuka who is still completely ignoring me after obviously eating my breakfast. I let out a sigh as I grab a piece of fruit from the counter. Just another day. I never do realize that my plate of food somehow made its way onto Pen Pen's plate as the penguin somehow smiles at my exit.

The day goes on just like usual, the streak of Angel inactivity remaining undisturbed, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing at all. A strange sense of almost serenity...almost if it were not for the constant teasing by Asuka, Kensuke, and Toji. Its like I'm there for their own personal amusement though I really can't find anything funny about me...I mean I am pretty boring yet they always seem to find something about me that is pure entertainment.

The hours click by, the teacher talking and talking and soon it is lunch time. I follow my friends out the door, their never ending energy always ceasing to amaze me though I never can find the ability to be so exuberant about nothing. Its hard enough for me when there are moments that actually deserve such a display.

It is another beautiful day with the sun shining bright and everyone gathers into their little groups to eat their lunch. I sit down next to Toji and Kensuke as they continue to talk about some new rumor about some girl who is willing to do this or that...I really can't find myself caring because my gaze has settled on the pale skinned form of Rei Ayanami. She sits by herself reading quietly under a nearby tree rather than eating, and I can't help but realize I never seem to see her eat. Maybe that is why she is so skinny...so petite yet I never really see her as being too thin because of the unending grace that seems to flow from her every move. She turns a page in her book with a slender hand, expressionless face remaining and I can't help but continue to study her face...as if I'm looking for something that simply can not be seen...I've done that before I think.

Slowly, her head turns toward me and my own eyes meet the mysterious crimson that is Rei. I almost feel like I'm being pulled into them and for the briefest of seconds, I think I see a flash of white and then I know no more.

Shinji...Why Shinji...Why this Shinji...Shinji...Shinji...Shinji..Wake up Shinji...Come on Shinji...Shinji!

I sit up with a gasp as if my lungs were fighting to gain air back into them, the world still spinning around me...shapes and blurs slowly forming into faces and bodies. What just happened? I raise my hand to my throbbing head, trying to gain back some clarity and I can see Toji and Kensuke kneeling next to me along with Hikari...they were the one's calling to me except the first person...that was someone different...something different.

"You okay man?" I look over at Toji who actually has a strange concern in his eyes despite trying to retain is normal, uncaring macho persona.

"What happened?" Kensuke responds to my barely there words.

"It was really weird man. You were just sitting there and all of a sudden you collapsed to the ground. You had all of us really worried."

I hear the words though I really don't process them because of the continued pain in my head...not quite a migraine...just dull, disruptive pain. The world around me continues to be a bit hazy as my friends slowly try to pull me to my fight though I uncharacteristically fight back at them to prevent my movement. I really just want to sit here on the ground for awhile.

What happened I can't help but wonder. The last thing I remember is...Rei...I was looking at Rei and then...I don't know. My head snaps over on its own initiative to exactly where Rei should be, and there she still was though this time she was standing, her uniform and hair blowing slightly in some unseen wind. She is clutching the book she was reading tightly to her chest and despite everything else in the world being hazy, it is her eyes that I am graced with being able to see clearly. Concern...and fear...is that fear I see? Impossible...Rei is not afraid of anything...one must fear losing something to have fear I think. However, I do not have any more time to study the depths of the crimson pools for the moment she realizes I am looking at her, she half run, half walks away from my view, disappearing behind the tree she was standing next to. I whisper her name slightly as once again, everything around me reverts to nothing but background noise...lost within the walls of my own mind.

I was allowed to leave school early because of my 'episode' though someone did have to accompany home to make sure I got there safely and since Asuka lived with me...she was more than happy to be my escort because it too got her out of school for the day.

"So third child...aren't you going to thank me for taking the time to walk you home?" I continue to look at my shoes as I shuffle along the street, still swept up in my own thoughts, speaking almost automatic to Asuka.

"Thank you Asuka."

"Hmph...all I was asking for was a little well deserved gratitude. No need to be rude." I ignore her which only annoys her more.

"Earth to Shinji. I'm talking to you!" She yells in my ear which, and the sudden noise startles me out of my reverie.

"Finally a reaction...thought there was nobody home." I look over at Asuka without any real emotion and simply go back to walking home. She hesitates for a few moments before I can hear her almost skipping forward to catch up with me.

"Are you sure your feeling okay? I don't want you collapsing on me because I'm not going to carry you back."

"I'm fine Asuka...just a little tired." I respond no more hoping for a few moments of silence and Asuka actually grants me as much, though not before giving me a small warning.

"Well just wait until you get home. Misato should be waiting for you since the school called her...you know how she gets about her little Shinji." I almost feel like screaming...almost.

"Shinji!" The slightly shrieking voice of Misato causes a shiver to run up my spine as she slaps her hand to my forehead to check my temperature.

"Hmm...you don't feel hot. I guess we'll have to try a thermometer just to make sure." She spins around and starts chaotically digging through a drawer that I know only has cooking stuff in it, and I'm sure my eyes bug out of my head as she pulls out a large thermometer used for cooking.

"Here we are...sure hope this isn't a rectal thermometer." I choke on my own saliva at her casual words, holding my hands up quickly in the best defensive maneuver I can muster against the purple haired threat standing before me.

"Misato..." Her name comes more out as a scared screech than anything else. She looks at me with confused, soft eyes.

"I'll be fine. I think I just fainted from lack of food since I didn't get any breakfast and hadn't eaten lunch yet. I think I need to just ly down for awhile." She nods her head with my words, accepting my explanation without question despite me knowing it is not the truth. I hate lying to her...I hate lying to anyone but I really don't know what happened and this explanation requires less questions and less Misato buzzing around me like a concerned mother...mother...I can't help but smile as I think that thought. I look toward the woman I just associated the word with to find her bent over in the fridge already pulling out a beer now that she knows I'm okay. I chuckle slighlty...I would really miss her...my heart stops in my chest at the thought...why would I think something like that?

I'm just tired...far too tired. I drop my bag to the ground and lethargically walk toward my room. I just need to sleep some more and everything will be fine. I enter my room just as the television starts blaring undoubtably from Asuka though like everything today, it becomes nothing but background noise to my own mind. I fall on to my bed, not even bothering to reach for my SDAT player, but instead losing myself in my thoughts rather than the music, wondering if the white light will be there for me again when I finally fall asleep.