A/N: Well who thinks this took far too long to write? Yeah me too. Sorry. I kind of made a mistake starting this story when I did, when I still have two very long and intricate Teen Titan stories to be finished under another penname. I still haven't finished them, but I found it absolutely necessary to write this chapter before I completely forget where I'm going with this story. Again, sorry for the long delay and I hope this chapter isn't too subpar and actually makes up for the delay.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or anything related to it in any way, shape, or form in this existence and probably any other existence...I have pretty shitty luck

Where Does Existence Lie?

Chapter 4: Lunch and Gratitude

By: Frozenwords

Sleep is dreamless. Sleep lacks nightmares. Sleep is only sleep, and for that I am forever grateful. Normally, the blaring, annoying, and high pitched sound of my alarm clock is something to dread, just like the blaring, high pitched, and very ominous alarm for angel attacks, but this morning, when my alarm goes off to wake me from my slumber, I can't help but smile a bit because that means I slept the whole night through.

I stand to my feet, stretching out my body with a satisfied groan, feeling exceptionally well today, better than I have in a very long time, and definitely much better than the past few days, the memories of those days forgotten for the time being. I head toward the bathroom to get my day started, about fifteen minutes later hearing the alarm of Asuka, her alarm planned perfectly that I would be out of her way by the time she got up, only having to truly deal with me once her breakfast was prepared and set before her like some royal princess. Just another one of my lowly purposes... serving those that actually have a use for me...like my piloting and my father.

I shake my head, clearing the cluttered thoughts from my head, doing my best to return to the slightly smiling mood I awoke as. Making breakfast helps with that as I plan on making something a little more complicated than usual so that my mind actually has to train its awareness on the task at hand rather than mindless routine that most of my life has become.

It is not that long later that Asuka strolls out into the kitchen, making her presence known by an unfeminine snort at the fact that her breakfast is not on the table, but her words are cut off as she truly smells the flavor in the air, giving her the smallest smiles of satisfaction as she sits down. Misato, drawn by the wafting smell, also shows up in the kitchen a few minutes later, dressed in her normal state of 'undress' in the morning, happily reaching for her first beer out of the fridge, slamming it down with the traditional, triumphant yell. I can't help but smile at the action.

"Good morning Misato...no work today?"

"Not till tonight...I got the whole day to do nothing but lie around here...or maybe I'll go shopping...I could use some new clothes...eh doesn't matter, can never find anything that ever fits me..." She trails off in her thoughts as she gets up to grab another beer, still talking softly to herself, probably trying to plan some type of plan for the day. It really is amazing that this is the same woman who can organize an angel defense in a matter of moments yet can't organize her own life.

My breakfast creation is finally ready, and I serve the two women with a smile on my face, feeling slightly proud of what I made. Misato says thank you while Asuka only nods her head slightly, and I kind of feel a little sad that she won't even say thank you to me.

"Wow this is good Shinji...I don't think I've ever eaten something this good for breakfast. Don't you think so Asuka?" A bow slightly to Misato for her praise, though I am awaiting to hear what Asuaka say. I don't know why, but I feel like I need her approval as well for the food I've prepared...approval she never gives.

"Meh...its okay...nothing compared to what I'm used to back in Germany, but it won't kill me to eat it...I hope not at least..." Asuka eyes suspiciously the piece she is about to pop in her mouth like it will attack her, and I feel my shoulders involuntarily hunch at her less than encouraging reaction. She just can't ever say something nice can she...I let out a sigh that no one notices as they busy themselves eating while I sit down quietly and even more quietly eat the remaining food. This will be a good day...this will be a good day. I keep chanting the words over and over again in my mind, almost for a second believing them.

--

Asuka and I walked to school with me saying almost nothing but her chattering incessantly about things I really don't care about...like her greatness and superiority to everyone else, especially me. Its supposed to be a good day.

Thankfully, we finally arrive at class, and I immediately become irrelevant to the red-head as she walks over to Hikari. I silently thank the universe for her leaving though I can't help but wonder why I even want things like her approval this morning if she seems to completely disregard my existence unless it suits her. I really don't know. My thoughts are pulled up from their downward spill as my eyes settle on the young woman who hadn't been in class yesterday...Rei Ayanami.

As usual, she gazes out the window with a blank expression on her face, everyone's existence, not just my own, seemingly completely irrelevant to her, but that fact doesn't seem to bother me as much as it is with Asuka. I can't help but smile when I see her though she pays me no mind, a brief flash of the 'incident' yesterday goes through my head causing me to blush slightly. She had actually taken my hand...I've never held something so delicate, as if I had been too rough, it would have shattered within my grasp. Of course I know Rei is not glass, has sustained dozens of severe injuries and come back from them all, but I can't help but think as I look at her, that she truly is something so fragilely precious, that if you push to hard, she would fall to dust.

I again shake my head as words that I barely know let alone understand strangely appear there, as if seeing Rei has inspired me in the way those that wrote the pieces I play on my cello were inspired, pieces I so terribly recreate in my bungling I call playing...I really am not any good.

Toji's voice calls me over, and I walk over toward him, returning to the world I'm actually in, but not before giving one last lingering glance at Rei with a smile. Maybe it will be a good day.

--

I'm smiling as I walk outside for lunch, unable not to with the antics of my two friends. Some days it seems all those two do is ridicule each other, and on occasions me, but it truly is all in good fun. We settle in to our normal table, Toji pulling out his enormous pile of food, tossing it on the table with a thud.

"This is going to be awesome. By far, lunch is my favorite part of the day. Its too bad I don't get a grade for this." Kensuke and I chuckle.

"Yeah, then maybe you wouldn't be the lowest ranked person in our class. I mean seriously, could you at least pass one test...even I feel guilty on making so much money betting against you." I laugh as Toji glares at his smaller friend.

"Wait...you're betting against me?" Then he thinks about it more. "Wait...there's people betting on my test scores? Why didn't anybody tell me about this?"

"Well we felt if you knew, it would affect the integrity of the results. It was better you were left in the dark."

"Man, this is bullshit. Shinji did you know about this?" I open my mouth to answer, but Kensuke does it for me.

"Oh yea. He's even made a bet one time, and if it makes you feel any better, he bet on you to succeed rather well." Toji nods at me.

"At least somebody has faith in their friends...maybe you could learn something from Shinji Kensuke."

"Yeah because obviously I'm not going to learn anything from you..hahaha." Even I can't help but bust out laughing at the joke. Toji only grumbles to himself as he goes to sit down finally to eat his lunch when he stops suddenly, his eyes going wide in shock. I look over at Kensuke, who is sitting next to Toji, and he has an identical look on his face...as if they've just seen an Angel appear out of nowhere in a clown suit singing karaoke.

"What's going on guys?" My question is answered quite clearly when someone sits down at the table right next to me, both of my friend's eyes locked on the person with the upmost disbelief. I turn to the person who 'feels' rather familiar to me, and it is then that I am reminded of the last things I had said to Rei yesterday at her apartment.

Rei Ayanami...Rei is...Rei is actually taking me up on my rambling offer to have lunch with me. She has never eaten with anybody the entire time I've known her, heck she's barely spoke to anyone besides NERV personnel the entire time I've known her. No wonder Toji and Kensuke are so shocked...I'm shocked!

She does not say anything, her lithe weight barely felt on the bench next to me though her presence is felt heavily. She has a small, meager amount of food in front of her, slowly setting it out. The table is deathly quiet, no one sure how to react to this very unexpected occurrence, and Rei seems to finally notice the uncomfortableness of each of us. She turns her head to look at me, and I am even more surprised that Rei looks almost timid as she looks at me. I am used to Rei being quiet, bu this is truly the first time I've seen her look like she was shy about something...unsure.

"I have decided to take you up on your offer to have lunch with you Ikari." Her soft voice comes out though for some reason I have trouble processing it, not responding. A strange look passes through her eyes.

"It appears I have misunderstood your comments yesterday...I shall go..." She moves to get up, and I almost like on instinct reach out and grab her softly by the arm.

"Its okay Rei. I'm really happy that you decided to come eat with us. I was just a little surprised that you actually wanted to eat with me. You don't have to leave." She seems to stare at my hand that is touching her arm, another strange look of uncertainty in her eyes, and I find myself holding my breath. She moves to sit back down, and I pull my hand back satisfied that she did not leave. I look over at Toji and Kensuke who still haven't moved, and I give them a look to do something which they see and they quietly say hello to Ayanami before busying themselves with their food. She offers them a soft greeting as well before picking up a small piece of food. I find myself smiling even though the situation is slightly awkward, just really happy that Ayanami actually chose to eat with me. I feel...I don't exactly know.

I finally look to my lunch, starting to eat it, trying to come up with something to talk about that Rei might actually contribute to but also Toji and Kensuke wouldn't feel left out on. Of course I also wanted to think of something that wouldn't cause Rei to run away because of some of the things that my friends like to spew out of their mouths. However, my mind goes into a state of panic when I see a very sly smile cross Toji's face.

"So Ayanami...tell me since obviously Shinji didn't say anything. Are you Shinj's girlfriend or something?" I feel my heart stop, feeling the tremendous urge to run away right now from the question and the situation, Toji's mocking smile clearly still in my vision. I guess this is what I get for not telling him about the bets on him. Stupid...stupid...Rei's going to get upset at me for something...I don't know what but something.

"No..." That is all Rei's response is, not even looking up from the table. Toji's smile falters, probably expecting some type of confusion or some other response, unsure of how to respond himself. I'm actually amazed that Rei so quickly and easily understood just what Toji was asking. In the small part of my mind that wasn't in a full blown panic, I was actually surprised that Rei didn't answer with something along the lines of 'I am girl and I do believe I am Shinji's friend so yes." I was also surprised that I could swear I've heard her say that exact line before though I am almost positive that is impossible. Kensuke decided to keep up my torture. What did I do to deserve this? Oh wait...yeah...

"Well do you want to be Ayanami?" If the first question made my heart stop, this one causes it to go into overdrive, my whole body seemingly growing hotter, the blood rushing to my face. Rei turns her head to look at me, an actual physical response to this question, her crimson gaze seemingly softer than usual, as if she truly understands just how uncomfortable I am at this moment. There is no response to his question because it is at this moment, that Asuka's loud voice is heard.

"Well look at this. The doll decided to sit with the Three Stooges. Isn't this cute, the doll trying to make friends." I look up at Asuka, my eyes slowing pulling from Rei's face which seems to cringe slightly at the word doll. There is Asuka, standing there in all her glory, with Hikari standing behind her with an apologetic look on her face, somehow saying 'I'm sorry for my friend' dozens of times with only a look.

"Oh geez...I really don't need the Red Devil right now. Can't I just enjoy my lunch in peace?"

"Oh shut it you moron. No one cares what you think. What I'm wondering right now is what SHE is doing here? Shouldn't you be off all by yourself somewhere?" Asuka bends down slightly so that her face is at the level of Rei's, looking fiercely at the blue-haired girl who only continues to look straight down at the table in front of her. Why is Asuka doing this? Why does she seem to care so much that Rei is sitting with me? I just don't understand it. Why can't she just leave her alone. Rei didn't do anything to her.

"I mean seriously, why would anyone waste their time sitting with these two idiots and Shinji, the King of the Idiots. Do you hear me doll? I'm talking to you." Asuka seems to get angrier, and I know from experience it is a very bad thing to ignore Asuka when she wants your attention. I see her push the immobile Rei slightly, and I instantly feel my blood boil from the action, as Rei only continues to sit there staring down. Asuka has no right to touch her when she hasn't done anything wrong. Its okay when Asuka hits me because I probably deserve it but Rei hasn't done anything wrong. Unfamiliar feelings are welling up inside me as I watch Asuka go to push Rei again, this time clearly harder, and my hand, without any thought from my own head, reached out quickly, grabbing hold of Asuka's arm to stop her.

Asuka is completely shocked when she sees me do it though I am even more shocked by the action, having occurred despite my own will. I stare at my hand on Asuka's arm and then back at her face which is turning red with rage. I pull my hand away like it has been burned, my hands going up defensively in an instant.

"Asuka...I'm sorry...I didn't mean..." Slap! My head turns with the contact, a familiar sting that I've grown accustomed to.

"Don't ever touch me you baka!"

"I'm sorry Asuka...I really am..." My voice is meek sounding, it taking on its normal tone when bowing down to Asuka, though a voice in my head was telling me I had done the right thing. Just as he didn't have the right to touch Asuka, Asuka definitely did not have the right to touch Rei.

"Damn right your sorry. If you ever touch me again, I swear I will grab hold of you with my Eva and squeeze so hard your damn head pops off!" My body goes cold at her words, a strange, undeniable pain in my heart that I don't understand at all. I barely am able to notice Asuka pacing back and forth seething uncontrollable, Hikari trying to calm her down while Toji and Kensuke are slowing retreating behind me to avoid any physical harm. The pain is rising more within me, and I feel like I just want to cry, and it is at this moment, a small, delicate hand snakes into my own, giving it the tiniest of squeezes. My eyes meet crimson as my lips quiver slightly, my ears no longer hearing Asuka's loud yelling, but instead only hearing a soft Thank You that seems to make all the difference.

I can't help but smile at Rei, saying more than two words with her eyes, and the pain resides within. I go to say something when all sound is cut off by a blaring, high pitched, and very ominous alarm cutting through everything. The Twelve angel had appeared.