Author's Note: Yes, yes, I know the last chapter was insane. And we didn't ask Robin nearly all the questions that the world needs to know, but don't worry. We have him captured and hogtied, and we'll bring him back. Oh, we will. Muhahaha.
Now, on with it, before I am beaten with the schtick.
Disclaimer: I forgot this piece of nonsense. I DON'T OWN THE TITANS! But I do reserve the right to force them all into a plexiglass box and/or harrass them.
Terra: (bows) Thankyou, thankyou...(puts up another chapter)
Raven of the Night 676: All in good time, my friend. All in good time. I think Starfire is...either next, or after Beast Boy. Help me decide, Star, or BB? Who's getting harrassed next?
Teya Yoshitoda: (starts laughing right along with her, having so much fun with interviewing the Titans with her best friends.)
(Camera fades back in on the, once again, deserted cafeteria, where our three interviewers are deep in conversation.)
TTJ: I'm just saying, I'm not sure if we should hold a two dimmensional hero hostage in a three dimensional world.
Queen: Why not?
Star: Yeah, we have the technology. We can rebuild him.
Queen: But should we?
TTJ: (nods) Excellent point.
EMCEE: (clears throat loudly. The three girls look up and are shocked to find the camera right on them)
TTJ: Oh, crap, are we on?
Star: Damn it, isn't the stage crew supposed to tell us that?
Queen: Yeah, man, just because we're not proffessionals doesn't mean we can't act like them.
EMCEE: Can we get on with this? (sounds annoyed) I mean, we are interrupting regular broadcasting for this.
All three: (unified sigh) Fine.
(Camera swings back to the EMCEE, who is straightening his tie again. He smiles, and the neon, blinking sign lights up again behind our three interviewers)
EMCEE: Welcome again, faithful viewers, to The World Needs to Know!
Star: Technically they have to be faithful. We're interrupting sattelite signal for this.
TTJ: Yeah, we've even invaded the internet.
EMCEE: Those of you who have watched before remember our interviewers. (Camera zooms in on each individual interviewer, starting with Star) Interviewer 1, StarStar16, (smiles and waves at everyone with her middle finger) Interviewer 2, Queen-morganalefay, (she doesn't seem to realize the camera is on her and twiddles her thumbs, humming Another Bites the Dust loudly) and, lastly, Interviewer 3, Teen-Titans-Junkie! (the blonde holds up the 'We Have Robin' sign from the previous episode. '10 kajillion dollar ransom' is written beneath Robin's name in green crayon) Um...Teen-Titans-Junkie? 'Kajillion' isn't a real number.
TTJ: But it will be. Oh, it will be.
Queen and Star: Muhahahaha.
EMCEE: Right...and, now, let's introduce our next Titan to be interviewed on this special Teen Titansedition of The World Needs to Know, Raven!
(The audience begins to clap as a disgruntled looking girl with short purple hair and a blue cloak and leotard appears from a transporting black energy vortex)
Raven: This had better be important.
Queen: (in serious tone) It is. Trust us.
Raven: Who are you?
Star: (bangs her mallet on the table in a gavlin type manner) Overruled! All questions must be relevant.
TTJ: Oh, dear Lord preserve us...she has the mallet.
Star: (grins and holds up her mallet for all to see and admire.)
Queen: Raven, won't you have a seat? (Queen motions to the armchair in front of the three girl's table)
TTJ: This is getting ridiculous. Why does everyone get an armchair but us? (stands and shouts and the top of her lungs) I demand an armchair!
Star: And I demand that my brother be sold to the circus!
Queen: And I demand to see my boyfriend! (looks scared as the other two pick up their schticks) Sorry. Don't know where that came from.
Raven: (in a low, annoyed tone) And I demand that this nonsense stop and I be told what I'm doing here.
TTJ: (with a very calm tone and expression, speaking toward Raven) You creep me out. You know that, right?
Star: (Star raises hand) I can tell you what your doing! (smirks) You're sitting.
Queen: (in a mock baby tone) Very good, StarStar 16! Now, do you know what she can be doing while she's sitting?
Star: (smirking)
Queen: (shocked look) No, not that. (Star and TTJ begin to laugh and Queen turns to Raven) Raven, friend. You've been with the Titans for how long now?
Raven: As long as they have existed. About three years on our dimmension.
Queen: And of that time, how many relationships have you indulged in?
Raven: None.
Queen: (continues as her friends begin to shake their heads) Oh, but I beg to differ. Because we have proof against that, Rae--
Star: Yeah. (puts in a DVD to their big screen TV of evil and torment) We have bad fanfictions to thank for that. Among other things...
(Several scenes come up, and the three turn to examine them. They huddle and whisper, and then choose the first one, which happens to be the scene from Spellbound where Malchior says "A lock of hair from a beautiful girl." and Raven replies "Beautiful?". Star pauses the tape and they all turn toward Raven)
TTJ: (In a very accusing tone) Well, young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?
Raven: Only that I'm older than you.
Queen: Just answer the question! (steals Star's mallet and bangs it on the table. Raven sighs and rolls her eyes)
Raven: That was a mistake. They're made. I didn't know he was a—
Queen: But mistakes are made with you quite often, aren't they?
Star: Exhibit B! (shows a clip from one of the old comic books that shows a half naked Raven and skimpy dressed Starfire in a very…ahem…awkward position). Man, I don't even want you to explain that.
Raven: (confused look) Um…
TTJ: (holds up hands as if to stem the explanation) We don't need to know.
Queen: I can't believe Star brought that one up. I thought we agreed never to bring that up?
TTJ: (covers eyes) Next example, please…
(A clip begins to roll of Robin catching and carrying Raven to safety, then holding her. Queen freezes it and raises a fist of triumph while Star frowns.)
Queen: Now, that is something I approve of!
Raven: Robin and I—
Queen: (prompting) Are secretly engaged?
Star: (rises and grabs her mallet)
TTJ: (grabs her notes so that she can continue the show while the fight goes on. Queen gets her lightsaber of doom and Star retrieves her flame thrower. The two begin to duel in the background as TTJ reads) We also have moments of Beast Boy/ Raven, Cyborg/Raven, Aqualad/Raven, RedX/Raven, Slade/Raven…the show must go on. The show must go on; inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be fakin' but my smile…wait (turns to Queen, who is winning the fight, though with a few burns). Did you replace my notes with Queen lyrics?
Queen: Maybe…(singsong voice) I'll nev-er te-ell…
Raven: (rolls eyes) This is insane. I'm leaving!
(Audience gasps. Star and Queen stop fighting, and TTJ drops her notes)
Queen: (suddenly deep, commanding voice) No! I am the game master! You are my pawn! I created the world you see before you. I CONTROL YOUR FATE!
Star: (rolls eyes) Drama queen.
Queen: (bows)
TTJ: But seriously. You can't leave.
Raven: (eyes glowing white and beginning to float) Azarath, Metrion---
TTJ: Zucchini!
Raven: (stopping) What?
Star: Squash!
Queen: Tomato!
Audience: Onion!
Raven: (getting angry and two more eyes appearing, all four turning red. A deep voice begins to speak from the girl) Enough of this foolishness!
(All three girls begin to unshed their secret weapons. Queen's lightsaber of doom makes its glorious return, along with her sword of ultimate confusion and chaos. Star produces her mallet and the flamethrower, and TTJ begins to take of her combat boots, weapons in themselves.)
Queen: (in general like voice) Stand fast, ladies. If you wake up in a green, grassy land, fear not! For this was merely a dream you had after taking NyQuil!
Star: Tottally.
Raven: Prepare to be defeated.
(The camera turns back to the EMCEE, who was just posing in front of a mirror, looks embarrassed, and turns back to the camera. The four girls come into view, our interviewers subdueing demonic Raven and forcing her to be hogtied and thrown into the same plexiglass box as Robin. They turn toward one another to congratulate one another as the EMCEE begins to speak and the theme song music for The World Needs to Know begins to play)
EMCEE: And that was another exciting episode of The World Needs To Know! Tune in tomorrow, when we abduct—I mean, interview—yet another Titan. Until then, this is the EMCEE (whispers) and they're holding me hostage too! (rubs the back of his head as all three girls whack him with their schticks. Camera fades out, and is replaced with a commercial)
Commercial: NyQuil! Good for all your incredibly insane dream needs.