Disclaimer: I do not own Charlie or any of the Numb3rs characters

Chapter 18

Don was shocked by Charlie's speech. He really had underestimated the amount of hurt Charlie was feeling, the depth of his pain.

Charlie could not possibly still believe that was true. Don closed his eyes and remembered his relationship with his brother over the past two years, he thought about the case and then thought about what needed to be said.

Charlie headed back down toward the gym. He knew he was running away this time. But he needed to clear his head. He had things he wanted to say to Don and he wanted to be able to say them without breaking down. For over an hour Charlie ran.

Don left the roof and he was ready now for the rest of that talk with Charlie. He may have promised his father that he would not fight with his brother, Charlie may toss him out of the apartment, but his brother was going to listen to him. How had this gotten so far out of hand?

Don stood in the doorway. He watched Charlie run. This time he was not relaxed; he was not adjusting the incline. He did not look winded now either just scared. This reminded Don of Charlie standing in front of his chalk board when their mother was sick. Had Charlie made the running as his new form of p vs. np? Had he substituted a physical coping mechanism for the mental one? It was a scary thought.

Don went over and stood in front of the machine. "Charlie, turn it off. We talk now." Even though Charlie was looking at him, he made no move to stop. "I said we're talking now Charlie. I won't let you end that conversation like that. You don't have to say anything but I think you need to hear me out." Charlie looked liked he intended to stay right where he was. "Please Buddy, just give me five minutes."

"Don I'm not ready for this. I need some time first." Charlie looked so scared. How could Don have hurt his brother so badly and not seen the extent of that hurt?

"Five minutes, just five and then I'll leave you alone and you can have your say when you're ready. I promise Charlie when you're ready to talk, I will be ready to listen."

Charlie turned off the machine and went to the bench and sat down. He did not look at Don. He was staring straight ahead. His shoulders were tense, almost like he was bracing himself for a physical blow. Don sat down next to him. "G-- Buddy, I am so sorry that I hurt you that bad. Charlie, those things you said may have been somewhat true when we were kids but they're just not true anymore. We were different people then. You and I were very different from each other. I did wish back then that you were more like me Charlie. I may have been jealous of you because learning came so easy to you and because you got more attention. I was a kid and kids feel that way before they understand and see that people can be different and that's okay. I didn't understand it and I didn't want you to be different. But now, I wouldn't want you to be any other way. Charlie I have always loved you. I glad you're my brother. I'm lucky that you are my brother."

Since I moved back to LA you and I were a lot closer than we had ever been. You know that's true. That was no act." Don leaned forward to better look at his brother, but he was still staring straight ahead. "We were at a point where we were more than just brothers. We were friends and I liked that Charlie. You can't pick your own brother, that's true, but Buddy could we really be friends if I had not accepted you? If I did not appreciate you as the person that you had become and I don't just mean your brain or the help that you've given on cases."

Charlie wiped at his eyes and his shoulders were more relaxed but he still would not look anywhere but straight ahead. Rather than take the chance that he would get up and walk out Don decided to lay it all on the table and continued on. "I mean that I appreciate you as the person that you are. You don't play mind games, you don't look for the bad in others first, you're a very open, honest and sharing person and I appreciate those traits in you. I learn from you Charlie. I want to be more like you. Maybe that's a little of my old jealousy coming through. I envy the person that you have become. You're not jaded and you trust others more easily. I've learned to trust others again because I can trust you. I can believe in others again because I can believe in you."

"I've seen things that are so vile that they have made me sick to my stomach. I used to believe that for every killer we locked up there were five more just getting started. I didn't believe that we could win. But Charlie you've helped me see that the bad guy doesn't always win, the monsters are not hiding behind every corner. I take my job very seriously Buddy. My job is to stand between the monsters and the good people. The good people that I know still exist because you opened to eyes to see them."

"You said that case was the breaking point but Charlie, I don't believe that's true. I think that you took my actions during and after the case and got them mixed up with my childhood actions toward you. The stress of the case and my irrational expectations along with how run down you were brought the old pain back up to make the new one that much worse. That case was the hardest emotionally than other case I had been in charge of and good as the team is, as good as you are, we couldn't stop him. We may not have been family to the victims but that doesn't mean we came out unscarred.

Remember the past two years, Buddy and let the rest drift away and I know you'll see that they are completely separate. Please think about where we were before that one case. Don't bring the past into it. I would change the past if I could; but I can't. We can only go forward.

I know that I was wrong to treat you that way. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, so sorry that you've been hurting all this time. I have never been more ashamed of my actions than the way I treated you before you left. I've accepted that you aren't perfect; you're just as human as the rest of us. But, I'm asking that you remember that I am not perfect either. I have always and will continue to make mistakes. I made a major mistake Charlie. I'm hoping that you can forgive me, that you will give me the chance to make it up to you.

Buddy, I don't know how I gave you the impression that I was not proud of you. Maybe it's just too hard for me to say how I really feel. I promise to work on that. I am very proud of you. I've been proud of you for a very long time. I'm proud of you as my brother and I'm proud you as my friend.

If we can't work this out in the next few days, I'm not giving up Charlie. I won't give up on what you and I have. You are the very best part of my life. I need you and nothing else in my life matters to me as much as you do. Please think about what I've said, remember how close we were getting and how we have missed so much of our lives together because I was afraid and even jealous of the differences between us. I don't want to lose any more time with you Charlie. And Buddy, YOUR approval is everything to ME.

Charlie looked at him with unshed tears and then he looked down. Don got up. "Whenever you're ready Charlie, I promise to keep quiet and let you have your say."

Charlie nodded his head. He didn't trust himself to speak yet and then Don was gone.