Batman's Request
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and belong to DC Comics, but one can hope that someday… ah, well… No profit is being made by me and this just a little something for entertainment I hope people will like.
This is my first completed fanfic and I'd appreciate reviews, it's a just little gag I thought up on a Monday afternoon. Don't look for continuity because it's not there, so don't get too annoyed. I'm working on more serious fics that will fit into continuity hopefully, although I don't have nearly all the knowledge that some of you guys have. This is vaguely set Pre-IC when y'know some of the Bat Family are still sane and Batgirl wasn't an assassin.
This was a nightmare, the Flash thought, edging away slightly towards the back of the assembled Justice League. He exchanged glances with Green Lantern and then resolutely turned to face the frightful five that had assembled in front of them. The Bat Family. He never had anything against them personally. Batman was his team mate. Nightwing was his best friend from their days in the teen titans. Robin he had met occasionally as he was friends with Impu- oh, yeah. Bart was Kid Flash now, but thankfully not his sidekick, at least Wally didn't think he was. Batgirl and Catwoman kept to Gotham and if the Bat liked them he wasn't going to argue even if one of them was a known thief. But putting all of them into a room together…? No one was that brave.
Of course Oracle was listening in online and he suspected was watching this using the watch tower's security system. He refrained from running around to try and turn them all off. This might get ugly. Everyone knew Oracle had a soft spot for the younger members of the Bat Family especially Nightwing and Batgirl; they always got priority one if any other leaguers happened to call in. They stood in the watch tower staring at each other before the man of steel stepped forward. And spoke nervously, for him anyway.
'Um how can we help you?' He said to the five almost identical glaring faces. Heh. Wally wished he could have taken a photo and would have gone to fetch a camera if he hadn't noticed an all too familiar twinkle in Nightwing's eye. Uh oh. He kept himself from groaning and tried to angle it so he was closest to the door but he found it difficult since Ollie was in the way and gave him a sharp jab in the back to let him know he was there. Nightwing caught the small exchange and the smirk tugging at the edges of his mouth grew a little wider.
'We're here to use the equipment.' Batman growled, eyes narrowed, very, very, dangerously.
'Uh, go right ahead we're only assembled because the security mistook Catwoman for a threat and-'
'Mistook me for a threat?' Catwoman purred and leaned forward closer to Superman's ear. Wally hadn't thought it possible but Batman's glare seemed to harden even more 'I am a threat although maybe not criminally anymore… or maybe not, if you want me to be…'
'We'll be ten minutes.' Nightwing interrupted and both Superman and Batman looked at him somewhat gratefully.
'Are you sure the League can't help?' Wonder Woman apparently was less intimidated until she realised she had asked a particularly stupid question. They never would ask for help, except maybe each other. She pondered this as she realised she didn't know very much about Batman's allies and what their places were exactly in the 'super hero community.'
About every other leaguer at this point rolled their eyes apart from Wally who was still looking very worriedly at Dick. Something was off... Then the shocker came. The absolute non event the league would never expect to see in a million years and would bet the planet against. And the sun and the entire galaxy. Superman could die again and get reincarnated as an English lass called Dot. Green Lantern would realise green had got unfashionable and petition to change the corps to the sapphire blue lantern corps. Wally would join in on a 'sing-a-long sound of music' and make clothes out of curtains all before this ever happened.
He. Said.Yes. He would like their…
Help.
He asked for help?
He asked for help.
Seriously. Even with a needy expression. Help.
He wanted help.
The world was doomed.
The Leaguers were too stunned to reply. Even Plastic Man. And Superman.
'Yes. We want help.' Batgirl added helpfully with a bright expression visible through her black material mask.
Nightwing nodded compliantly as if this were an everyday occurrence. Even Oracle tuned in cheerfully her computerized face appearing on a big screen 'The Bat says he wants help.'
'As much help as possible.' Robin had a bright smile that betrayed all too much amusement which earned him a short rebuke from Batman in a low but almost friendly growl.
Finally Wally spoke up. 'What kind of help?'
And that was how the Justice League spent the morning cleaning Wayne Manor, the Batcave, Nightwing and Catwoman's apartments (It was Wally who found his way to Bludhaven), Batgirl's mini cave, Robin's tunnel and two hundred safe houses, garages and stores the Bat Family used in and around Bludhaven and Gotham. Those who knew about Oracle's clock tower cleaned her apartment and spent a good deal of time being target practice for her brand new security system. (Wally again and with Superman so they couldn't cheat and use speed to help their fellow leaguers out)
The perfect revenge for Batman, having heard all too many years of the faux 'if you want help all you have to do is ask' speech, Alfred had wanted him to sort out the manor anyway as it had fallen into a state of neglect for a while after recent events. And when Batman told Oracle his Plan the others had come together to take advantage of it, after all, if they got them spooked in the first place it would be easier… besides Dick always had been better at scaring the Flash, Bruce regretted that Nightwing had told him too many stories to be scared much anymore and he suffered for it as Flash often taunted and teased him. Every hero's worst fear. Chores. And Mr Muscle.
It also gave Alfred a break too, although admittedly he was worried about the good silver getting ruined as Wonder Woman clearly wasn't too familiar with washing up liquid and she could easily bend the spoons with her super strength. Aquaman cleaned the swimming pools much to his distaste, as now the water didn't have to be drained completely, although he didn't envy Plastic Man cleaning the toilets, and much of the league spent a good deal of time cleaning the cave. They made the unpleasant discovery that Bats are messy creatures. Alfred had clearly barred any use of super cleaning fearful of angry Bats- after all they had been there first even before Bruce.
The Bat family enjoyed spending the day watching them and pointing out molecules of dust they had missed. Dick had found his camera and by the next day had framed photos of each of the leaguers cleaning sent to their respective homes. (He gave Aquaman's photos to Garth and told him to leave it on the doorstep so he didn't get into a fight with him again.) There also appeared to be photos appearing randomly in the mission briefs in the next few months courtesy of Oracle and they would have continued had Robin not slipped in a photo of Bruce's pleading face. But it was worth it once they had the photo of Batman's expression having seen the photo of his face and then in steadily progressed from there. But that's a different story…
End.