Disclaimer: Hey I don't own Harry potter. Or anything you may recognize it all comes from the deep depths of JK's brain. I'm just fooling with the characters to keep myself and others busy while I wait for the next book in the wonderfully astoundingly brilliant Harry Potter series. So please don't sue (you won't get much, only a couple oxidized pennies, and I haven't done anything wrong).
AN: Hey there folks. I'm glad because my number of reviews for each chapter is going up (Kind of one of the last reviews wasn't for chapter 9) and I got a new reviewer or two. I Have chapter 12 finished and it is officially 9 pages hope that's long enough. I have started chapter 13 and let's just say the rating comes into play a bit more. Sorry to say this chapter and the next chapter have nothing to do with Hermione and Ron. Sorry about that but the two chapters just wrote themselves and I'm starting to get into a plot here. Oh and I guess we don't skip ahead in time until chapter 14 but I'm 99% positive I will be at the first Quiditch match by chapter 14. In my last chapter I asked you guys to tell me how long you would like this fic to be. No one told me. That tells me one thing I guess no one reads my authors notes. Oh well. I'll ask again how many chapters roughly would you like this fic to be and would you like a sequel. Because if you do I already have some ideas. Oh and almost all of you have said that the last chapter was sad. This I believe is the best response I have gotten to any of my chapters. What I mean is I feel good about how much you guys liked the chapter. You did like it right? I'm really sorry this chapter took so long but I was on vacation for a bit and I forgot to update before I got going. Oh well most of you have probably left and moved on to the actual story but those of you who read the entire AN tell me so in a review and I shall dedicate the next chapter to you. Neways on to the thanks to the reviewers bit.
Ginny felt horrible. She felt a sudden force off realization wash over her as she glanced down into the coffin. A sickly heat wave passed over and she shuddered and looked away. Looking down she saw Bill's pale lifeless face. She could almost see the pained expression that had been there, but it had been wiped clean out of kindness. Consecutive flashes of nightmares played behind her eyes and she shut them quickly blocking out Bill's limp form. Without warning a thump sounded, startled she opened her eyes. Her glance met the polished surface of the lid of the now closed coffin. She watched in slow motion as the coffin was lifted and gently eased down into the grave.
Without looking she tossed the wilted bouquet onto the spotless lid. Everyone in the crowd surrounding her began to disperse until only the family and Hermione remained. Looking around she noticed for the fist time Percy alone at the edge of the graveyard. For a moment it seemed to her as though he didn't belong to the family (and as far as her father was concerned he didn't). After a thoughtful moment he walked purposefully towards the spot where Arthur and Molly stood, at the edge of Bill's grave.
Walking up to them he glanced at his shoes remorsefully and then took a quick glance at the now nearly filled grave. Then he finally looked up into his father eyes, which were usually warm and compassionate but now were ice cold and had only a flicker of nervousness.
"Sorry," Percy muttered in a barely audible voice. Ginny felt somehow after over a year of him not being a part of the family sorry just wasn't enough. But by expression of relief on her father face it seemed he had gladly accepted Percy's apology. A slight pulsing hatred filled her at the thought off Percy's betrayal to the family but without hesatation she dismissed the feeling.
She watched as he made his way around the family talking to them apologizing in ways. Finally she found him heading towards her, she had a feeling that she might just yell at him if she tried to talk to him, but swallowing the feeling she waved feebly, "hi," she said, her voice wavering.
"Hey it feels good to see my baby sister again," His voice was filled with sorrow.
"I'm sorry we couldn't talk."
"What do you mean we couldn't talk, we could've talked if wanted to. Or rather if you had wanted to answer me." He looked into her eyes meaningfully as though urging her to accept it was her fault that they hadn't kept in touch the past year.
Ginny felt a sense of danger approaching in the conversation, she had always had these feelings and they were always right. But right now anger had begun to rise in her and she threw away any caution she may have had. "So are you trying to tell me that I should have abandoned the family like you did.
Percy's ears went a dull shade of pink. "If that was what you felt was right why not, I mean why is it you didn't answer my letter, afraid you may have seen my way, or were you just so happy that you didn't have to have me around that you threw away respect. I mean I know I'm not your favorite brother if any thing I'm your least favorite but I thought you still thought of me as someone important in your life. Or were you just sick of us guys, I mean you're probably happy that Bill died, one less guy to contend with."
At first Ginny was too shocked at Percy's idiocy to register properly what he was saying about her. Once she fully understood what he had said she wished she hadn't because at that moment he felt like slapping some sense into him. After a moment of battling with her instinct to walk away from this dangerous conversation she finally gained enough control of her anger to speak. "Oh is that what you think, well I've got news for you, I do wish sometimes that I had a sister, but I would never think any harm to anyone in my family, tells how your mind works though. Is this what you do all day sit around and figure out who's scheming to do you in so they can have your job." She knew her ears were crimson as were Percy's and she could feel herself practically smoking at the ears.
"Look I don't know how much you think you've grown up, but you're still my younger sister so I demand you show me some respect and apologize." Percy's smug air was starting to wear of and now his eyes were aflame with anger.
"Look as far as I can see you don't care about me you just need someone to boss around that will listen to make yourself feel better. I'm not that little girl anymore. A lot has changed since you left, and as far as I know this conversation is over." She had no intention of apologizing to him. To even think for a moment that perhaps he had taken his head out of the clouds was a mistake and that was clearer as ever now. Turning her self around in a swift movement she began to walk away, noticing that no one had heard their whisper argument.
"Don't you walk away from me." His voice a dangerously soft whisper, yet it was commanding. Ginny turned around and saw Percy, trying to look superior.
"Look as far as I'm concerned there is nothing more to say, I am not the person you think I am and if had made even half the effort the rest of my brothers did you would know that." She felt the anger build up within herself and would have loved to shout at him but knew better, if she did she would upset her parents and brothers even more.
"Well actually I don't have time for such petty things, I mean what is to say that you aren't happy about Bill's death, everyone seems a lot sadder than you do that for sure. So after analyzing this why would you care if someone like me were dead." Percy was merely trying to play Ginny up, simply because he loved having things his way and was always blinded by his ambitions.
Yet the comment stung, assaulting the fresh wound within in her with the mention of Bill. He had no idea what he was talking about and she would show him that perhaps it would open up his eyes a little more. "As if you knew anything about me, Bill was an amazing brother unlike you and yet I wouldn't want you dead so what the hell makes you think that you know what's going on inside of me. If only you felt even a tiny part of the sadness you would understand. But you don't do you. I have never wanted anyone in our family dead. And I never will. Did that get through your thick skull."
"Oh, so what you're trying to tell me is you didn't want Emily dead." He knew he shouldn't have sunk so low but it didn't matter now. "That clears everything up."
Ginny had no idea what he was talking about but the name Emily seemed familiar. She strained her thoughts and yet nothing came up. What the hell was Percy getting at? She strained her memory trying to remember everyone that had been mentioned in the past few years and nothing came up. Finally exasperated she asked, "What the hell are you on about."
"Ah, dear sister of mine," he had a look of satisfaction and success one that was all too familiar to her. "Remember when you were about two that little red headed friend that you always played with?"
She nodded, she didn't see where this was going and she couldn't care less because the glum depressive mood had settled over her again. It was always like this whenever she had a moment's rest she was reminded of Bill. She snapped out off her reverie as Percy began to talk again.
"Well she was your best friend but she was also your twin." He paused slightly waiting for a reaction, and he didn't have to wait long. Ginny was completely and utterly stunned by this new piece of information and her mind raced as she tried to figure out what this meant. Percy continued on before she could ask any questions.
"See when you were about two you being the uncontrollable little child you were went outside and played in the rain. Well it doesn't talk the worlds brightest wizard to figure out you caught a cold. But you weren't the type to sit in bed now were you and your twin, Emily had a susceptibility to illnesses and such."
He paused again and Ginny saw that he was enjoying his little win over her as though they were just little kids without a care or responsibility. The attitude was beginning to annoy her and she made an impatient flick with her hand motioning for him to go on. Normally she would have left but her curiosity got tangled into the conversation and she just couldn't leave. Though a subconscious warning passed through her head triggered by a memory she didn't even know she had. She ignored the growing feeling of regret welling up inside of her and returned her concentration to the conversation.
"You of course being so tight with your sister went to play with her even though mother had warned you not to. Well the cold was in its contagious bit and you passed it on to her. She developed pneumonia or bronchitis I can't remember which and she died of a terrible fever."
He looked up at Ginny and though he wasn't quite enjoying it anymore he banished the feeling with one off triumph. He had liked winning and succeeding at everything he did, this made him extremely competitive and most people couldn't handle his competitiveness. Ginny looked as horrible as Bill had lying in that coffin. Her face was as pale as death and her breathing shallow. A flood of buried memories that had occupied the darkest corner of her brain immersed her mind. She saw herself telling a grief stricken Molly that it was her fault, and her mother looked down and didn't say a single word against the desperate yells of childhood confession and guilt.
She saw her twin laying a coffin much like Bill's in her white dress. Then herself coughing into her hand and then grabbing Emily's. Then a crystal clear image of Emily's face fear in her eyes as the doctor took her into the hospital overnight stay area of the wing. And one off her tossing and turning in her fevered sleep trembling, her breathing ragged and shallow, and her hair sticking to her forehead.
The worst one off all the memories was the one where Ginny remembered herself sitting by Emily's bed and she had woken up after nearly three days and asked her whether she was going to die. Ginny remembered running out of the room crying in a corner until Bill had found her and told her that everything was going to be all right. The combined thought of Emily and Bill was too much for her.
Feeling tears burst forth she ran from the field in the direction of the burrow, on the way there the walk had been at least fifteen minutes though she wasn't sure she could trust her judgment of time. But she ran without stopping, drawing short limited breaths and running faster than she had known she could run. Within a couple minutes she saw the familiar surrounding that she knew were right outside the burrow. She saw their fence and hopped it without thinking twice, she felt her robe catch on the fence and she found herself flat on her face before she realized what was happening. Pulling herself up she didn't even notice the pain from her encounter with the ground; instead she ripped her robe off the fence and sprinted inside.
Thankfully the house was empty; tears still blurred her vision as she headed over to the fireplace. Grabbing a small handful of floo powder she tossed it in the fire. She stepped in and said Griffendor Common Room. She felt herself spinning through the network of fireplaces. The tears kept coming but dried up in the warmth of the fire.
She fell face-forwards onto the stone flooring. This time the bruises from her previous fall stung annoyingly. She glanced around the common room and saw that it was empty except for group of third years that were staring at her as though she had grown an extra head. She gave them a look that could kill and they looking away shuddering. She left the common room and wandered the halls of Hogwarts thinking about herself.
Those memories had been stored in the darkest part of her brain, forgotten for so long that she didn't realize she had them. Was she really the cause off her sister's death? The answer seemed unavoidable to her. Yes. Even at the age of two she had been a nuisance. It was as though she was some kind of strange magnet for misfortunes. Accepting that is was her fault made the situation within her ten times worse. If she hadn't existed Emily would still be alive. Would the world be better off if she hadn't been born? She knew that the answer could very easily be yes. After all how many times had someone's life been endangered because of her? Or in this case her being alive had cost someone else their life. The fact that she was alive was a danger to others.
Suddenly she found herself outside the library. She pushed the double doors open and stepped into the library. Immediately Colin Creevey saw her and walked over. He slipped his arm around her waist and gave her his famous Creevey smile. Then he noticed Ginny's tearstained cheeks and her miserable expression. "What happened," he questioned, his voice laced with concern.
"Oh nothing. Just found out stuff about myself, feel horrible, lost a sibling all over again, but I'm fine." She felt rather then saw Colin's awestruck expression but he pushed on.
"What do you mean? Maybe we should sit down somewhere quiet and talk about it." Colin seemed nervous but curious.
Ginny suddenly saw that she couldn't handle someone like Colin. He was just so different from her. "Hey Colin don't take this personally, but right now I'm in the middle of a crisis and you're just not right person for me. In fact I don't think I can have a boyfriend right now. You understand don't you? I need my space." She felt if possible even worse than when she entered the library. Colin didn't deserve what she did and she hadn't even been nice about the whole thing but at that moment she was too sad to care for more than a moment. She turned and strode from the library, subconsciously aware of dozen or more pairs of eyes watching her. She left with taking even a second look at Colin who was standing alone with his arms dangling limply at his sides, frozen with shock and confusion.
After dumping Colin Ginny had walked through Hogwarts not knowing where she was going. Another thing to add to the growing list of things Ginny hated herself for. Ginny saw that she was outside the fat lady's portrait and she mumbled the password.
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that dear," said the portrait kindly.
"I said Ginger Newt." She said it ten times nastier than she had intended it to sound.
"All right, all right no need to get mad." With that the portrait swung forward and Ginny stepped through the hole.
She didn't notice that a couple of people were trying to get her attention, instead she crossed the room, still immersed in thought. She made her way up the stairs and when she reached the fifth floor she pushed open the dormitory door and entered the empty room. She sat down at the end of the bed and thought yet again about how utterly stupid she was. She had decided that her being alive was a threat to so many people. For example in her first year she had been foolish enough to write in Riddle's dairy and nearly gotten Harry, Ron and herself killed, not to mention everyone who had been petrified. When she was younger she had tried to fly a broom she had taken from the broom cupboard and nearly knocked George of his broom as he and Fred were trying to help her get back down to the ground.
She then remembered that she was her own enemy, for so long she had wanted a sister, and it was her own fault that she didn't have one. In fact if there hadn't been all those people to cover up for her mistakes the world would be so much worse. She kicked her trunk in frustration and the lid popped open, everything inside burst open and scattered across the room in her anger. The only thing that remained in the trunk was the rope she had used to tow her trunk to the cab they had taken to the train station. She picked it up and fingered it thoughtfully. She had always thought suicide was a stupid idea, but now she could see where all those people were going with the thought. She couldn't hurt anyone if she was dead could she? What did she have to live for anyway? - End of chapter 10 - TBC