Since it's Ping-Pongs (Lotus, you rock! XD) b-day, I have endless time on my hands, here's a lovely birthday drabble for him.
Lotua Aia owns Ping-Pong and has kindly loaned it to me. Go read her stuff. She's hilarious.
Warnings- Do I even need them anymore? Yaoi, bad language, possible grammar mistakes (since I'm feeling really lazy and may go make some ramen for dinner instead of edit this like it needs), muffins, and porn.
Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto, and/or Kakashi. Just a little Kakashi keychain.
Inspired by my friend saying, "If I were a guy, I'd have something to give you guys for your birthday's every year." (In refernce to my mainly female friends and I.) If you don't get it, tell me in a review (hinthint) and I'll explain it.
It was Sasuke's nth (1) birthday and it was all ready off to a rotten start. His fangirls had swarmed earlier that day, offering gifts of chocolate, clothing, food, and personalized weapons. The weapons he might have taken, except for the fact that they all said things such as, "Sasuke, Marry me!" "Sasuke loves me bestest of everyone!" And of course, who could forget the memorable, "Sasuke likes it rough up the ass!" His cheeks (face cheeks you perverts!) burned in memory of THAT particular kunai. He was fairly sure that had been Neji crossing. Heh...Neji's a tranny.
OK, amusing thoughts of Neji being a tranny aside, Sasuke was definetly not happy. At n age, he no longer trained with his team, or with his sensei. 'Thank Kami-sama too! I saw Sakura at the head of the mob of fangirls...' He mentally shuddered and tried to turn his thoughts to happier things. Such as Naruto naked and writhing under him, his name being moaned so sensaully..."Bad Sasuke. He's straight and going to settle down and have lots of little balls of sunshine and he won't spend his days having hot man sex with you!"
"Oooooo...trouble in paradise?" A teasing voice rang out.
Sasuke groaned. No. Not him. Anyone but him. "Kakashi. What do you want?"
"I'm wounded Sasuke-kun. Can't a sensei wish his student a happy birthday?" By now several other nins had picked up the fact that it was Sasuke's birthday. The fangirls hadn't really been a tip-off; they swarmed everyday at the old Uchiha place.
If Sasuke had been an anime character, he would've face-faulted at this point. 'I must not kill my mentor, Iruka-sensei seems rather attached to him and he's scary when he's mad...' Repeating his new mantra, Sasuke growled, "One. You are no longer my teacher. Two. Since when have you cared about us enough to wish any of your students a happy birthday?"
Kakashi looked up from his book with a hurt look. "Why Sasuke-kun, I passed you, Sakura-chan and Naruto-kun didn't I?"
Sasuke pondered on that for a moment. "You do have a point. But that didn't answer my original question. I was on my way to train."
"Last I saw it, you were on the verge of nose bleeding and mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like, '...and he won't spend his days having hot man sex with you.'"
"...Shut up."
"Maaaaaa...why does Sasuke-kun have to be so cold to his own sensei?"
"We all ready discussed this Kakashi. Oh, that reminds me; I'm fairly sure that Neji was outside in the mob today being a tranny. He/She/It gave me this kunai knife." Sasuke proceeded to flip the knife at Kakashi in hopes that his teacher, who was hiding his face once again behind Icha Icha, wouldn't catch it and be impaled.
Kakashi caught the knife easily and read the inscription. He giggled- a strange sound that scared Sasuke, but was familiar to any Kakashi stalkers...I mean anyone who knew our favorite perverted jounin well- as he read the knife. "My my, Neji certainly has a long knife. It sounds like he has a crush," this last part was said in a sing-songy voice, "on you Sasuke. You know, if things don't work out between you and Naruto, you could keep Neji open as an option."
"What about Naruto?" A voice called out and within seconds, Iruka was seen heading toward the perverted jounin and now terribly, terribly scarred jounin.
"Iruka-sensei!" Sasuke cried out, silently begging, 'AHHH! SAVE ME FROM YOUR LOVER!'
"Sasuke-kun, I'm not technically your sensei anymore. You don't need to call me that. Happy birthday, btw."
"Thank you Iruka-san. What's in the Tupperware?"
"It's...OW! 'Ruka, what was that for?"
Iruka smiled through clenched teeth at Kakashi. "You know exactly what that was for." Turning to Sasuke, he added, "It's your birthday present. I hope you enjoy them."
Slightly curious, yet determined not to open the container, no matter what delicious smells were wafting out, Sasuke bowed politely. "Thank you very much Iruka-san."
Iruka grinned. "Please Sasuke-kun, call me Iruka."
Kakashi gave his particular one eyed grin from around his Icha Icha Paradise. "That reminds me Sasuke-kun! The whole reason I sought you out here in the first place!" Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out...
"IS THAT ICHA ICHA PARADISE?" came the explosion from one tanned chounin.
"Yep. I figured since Sasuke-kun is n now, he should start reading this wonderful series. I did at his age."
Sasuke was flabbergasted. Porn? He tucked it in a pocket and made a mental note never to A) Read it in public and B) Read it in front of Iruka-sen...er, Iruka. Who, by the looks of it was dragging Kakashi off by an ear while ranting about perverted jounin.
'All right...that was weird.' Sasuke tucked the Tupperware container in another pocket and headed off to the training grounds. He hoped he could get some training in before Gemna, the gossip-whore, spread it all over Konoha that it his birthday. Then he would have to find somewhere to hide. Maybe there was some room up in Sadamine's nose. It certainly looked big enough.
Mentally chuckling evilly to himself, Sasuke didn't notice the kunoichi until he crashed into her. Or rather, due to the girl's petite frame, she ran face first into his neck. Either way, the result was the pair of them was knocked over. He stared in shock as the girl, grumbling, picked herself up, brushed herself off and glared at him. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"
Sasuke looked at the girl, looked at her headband, then looked back at her. "Where the hell are you from?" For on the girl's forehead protector was an unusual symbol. It was a pencil.
"Er...never you mind. Naruto-san asked me to find you and tell you to meet him at his house. He said it was important."
Sasuke shrugged. "I have nothing better to do and maybe at Naruto's house I can hide." 'And play hidden kunia...hehehehehehehehe.'
Sasuke turned to go to his rival, his dobe's house. He waved a hand at the kunoichi in thanks and a goodbye...at least she thought that's what else he was saying. Smirking most evilly, the kunoichi, aka IS, skipped off to find bishies to molest. Maybe she could give Jiraya a nosebleed by wearing a bikini and splashing around with some of her friends in the hot-springs...Oh wait, none of them were here. She shrugged, nonplussed, and wandered off to plot more mishcheif.
Sasuke meanwhile, made his way to Naruto's shabby appartment. Aka, fending off the advances of drunks and sober men and women. Naruto lived down here? Oh yeah, he lived here because the housing was cheap. No one wanted to live near a bar. Even if it was in a rather nice neighborhood...once you ignored the drunks and whores...'Ok so maybe it isn't the nicest place.' Sasuke admitted to himself. Finally reaching his destination, and slapping a drunks hand away, Sasuke was about to knock on the door when he heard someone say, "Come on in." in a low sultry purr.
'Gladly. Gladly.' Sasuke walked in to see Naruto standing in the living room with Kiba and Hinata."Hintata-chan, that's how you say it. Please, Hinata-chan, stop blushing. Nothing bad happens. Kohaku's mom walks in just before anything can. Eh? Sasuke-teme? Just a moment. Kiba, Hinata-chan, we'll pick back up here tomorrow."
"So...what was that all about?" Sasuke ventured uneasily, still very "stiff" from earlier.
"Eh? Oh that? Nothing, nothing. Sasuke-teme, have a seat."
Sasuke sat down, wondering what Naruto was planning. "Is there..."
He never got farther than that because Naruto settled himself on Sasuke's lap and kissed him. Full frontal snogging and Oh Kami-sama, his tongue was in Sasuke's mouth and Sasuke was in Heaven.
After what seemed like a small eternity, Naruto pulled away from Sasuke."Happy Birthday Ping-Pong." He murmured, leaning his forehead against Sasuke's.
Sasuke just growled and kissed Naruto again.
-eating ramen happily- I suppose you're wondering about a few things? No? What do you mean no? Grar...Well, I had this speech planned out and I'll type it anyway! Me making an honarary appearance started in 'Happy Birthday Mr. Kiaba', written by me. The tupperware that Iruka gave Sasuke...that's from 'Muffin Fun'. I suppose it's not needed to read either one of those to get this fic, but it would sure make me feel better. (HINTHINT!) Since I have a tradition of handing out plushies, today's plushies are...BirthdayBoi Sasuke, complete with a tranny Neji option, if anyone wants it! The B.B. Sasuke includes a cake and party favors! YAY! Now if you'll excuse me...-skips off to go watch Fallen-