I do not own the Numb3rs Characters, just a really spoiled Sheltie
Chapter 41
Don was not comfortable telling his brother about the dreams. But if anyone deserved to hear about them, it was Charlie. If anyone could help him through it, it was him. He had to be completely honest.
When he heard Charlie say 'I did this', he was not prepared for it. Don didn't think he'd blame the dreams on himself. When Charlie ran toward the stands, he was pale. When he finished and his stomach stopped heaving, Don waited expectedly in the car. He did not want to be here. He did not want to get out of the car.
He'd seen that look not that long ago. That panicked look. When Charlie started running, Don knew he was trying to escape his panic. Don noted that when Charlie ran onto the field, it did not cause his own anxiety to go up. He had thought he would react strongly to seeing his brother anywhere near a baseball field. It might be empty but it was still the scene of the nightmares. Don got out of the car. He took slow steps, there was some fear of him going to the field himself, but he was not overwhelmed by it.
He could not go to the bleachers. He couldn't even look at the ones where he and Charlie had sat that fateful day. But he was closer to the field now. He could see Charlie and the look on his face worried Don. He stopped there and watched him. Charlie's reaction to the nightmares was not what Don had expected. He shouldn't have told him everything. He had felt that he needed to be honest but maybe that was too much honesty.
Charlie passed him again. His expression only somewhat more relaxed. Don knew that Charlie had seen him when he passed. When he stepped onto the field himself, the anxiety that he thought would be so much worse did not come.
Don walked to home plate. He stood there and watched his brother for a minute. He slowly lifted his eyes to the bleachers and scanned them until he came to the ones that they had been sitting in. He'd seen that same view from this spot in his dreams. This time when Charlie got near Don, he stopped and walked to home plate. His panic had subsided and now he felt the guilt. They stood there, side by side both now facing the bleachers.
Charlie noticed that Don's body was tensed. "Don?" Don blinked. "Are you still with me here?"
He nodded. Then Don looked at Charlie. "I think for a second I thought I was back in the dream. But, I'm okay now."
"Are you?"
"Yeah Charlie, I'm okay with being on the field. I'm okay with you being on the field. Coming out here was probably the best idea." Don looked toward the bleachers where they sat last week. "Buddy, let's go sit up there, we need to talk."
"You sure Don? We don't have to."
"I'm sure." Charlie and Don walked to the bleachers on the third baseline. Charlie walked up to the fourth row. He sat down near the edge the way he had been before and Don sat next to him. Don was sweating and his breathing was fast, but he was here.
Charlie waited until Don's breathing slowed down. Charlie said, "You're the one that told me that I was to remember that you weren't perfect. Seems to me you need to take your own advice and ease up on yourself a little. You did the best you could with that foul ball and I'm still around because you did. There's something else important I need to say. I'm so sorry that I said those words. I wish I could take them back now."
"Charlie, listen to me. I have had this in my head all week. I'm sure there was a reason for you to say them. You must have believed they were true and taking them back won't work. We need to talk about it."
Don propped one foot on the seat in front of them. Charlie noticed that little by little Don was relaxing. "You were right when you said that we needed to come here to talk. This is where it needed to be finished. I think I remember everything you said last week. Maybe not word for word, but I do remember what you said. I promised you that I would let you have your say. But, we were interrupted and I never got to comment on your words. Now, my conscious mind knows that you said you have let go of the hurt and we've talked over some of the problems. My unconscious mind needs us to finish that conversation from last week.
Buddy I'm guilty of a lot of things when it comes to how I treated you. You said that I turned on you and that was the hardest to hear. That was why I kept it in my head. I may have made a mistake in telling you that part of my dream. But Charlie, we have to be honest with each other. Rebuilding the trust between us is vital. If I had held that part back, I was not being honest. That's the part that we need to talk about, my betrayal. Only you really know how my actions hurt you, only you can describe the pain that you were feeling before you left. I'm glad that you shared them with me. Charlie I have to ask you this. Do you trust me?"
"With my life Don."
Don had to smile. "Yeah well, we've already proven that one a time or two this week. You said that I turned on you. You were telling me how I made you feel. I'm glad you told me, even though it hurt to hear it. You were being honest with me. You think that I betrayed you and I think betrayal is the ultimate pain; the ultimate hurt. And it was important for you to tell me.
Charlie I wasn't there for you, I let you down, my head was all tied in up in that case, I expected too much out of you, I lost sight of the respect you deserved as a consultant, a person and as my brother. When tensions got too high and I was being a real jerk, I hit you. A ton of crimes there Buddy. But until you said it, I didn't think that I had betrayed you. That's why I need to know. Do you really trust me? Could you trust me not to turn on you again? I need for you to tell me about that betrayal. I need to hear it."
Charlie hesitated. He had to be so sure that he got his words right and stayed with the facts instead of letting his feelings at the time rule. He answered. "I believe it when you say how sorry you are. I believe that you wanted to make things right between us again. I know you've done everything that you can to show me how much you do care. And I don't think you would hurt me like that again. The betrayal is your word Don. I never said that you betrayed me. Back in LA, I needed support and I got anger. I would probably have been okay if you had not come around at all. I could have done fine without that support, but your anger in the face of my downfall hurt. If I'm hanging by a thread over a cliff and you push me, that was where I saw you turning on me. You came around and you were pushing on that thread. I don't think your ultimate goal was to hurt me, but you weren't seeing me either, you weren't seeing that I was already in trouble. I honestly believe that betrayal implies something that's deliberate and I don't for a second think that you went out of your way to deliberately hurt me. I know I can trust you; you won't have to earn that back."
"Thanks Charlie, that means a lot really. You're right too; I wasn't seeing you at all. But I would never betray you. Not like that Buddy. There was a sort of betrayal on my part and that was that I betrayed our being brothers and you being able to depend on me. I am guilty of that one and I am going to do my best to make that up to you. Another thing Charlie, I remember that you asked me 'why now' for when I spilled my guts that night. The most important reason for the 'why now' is because I knew that I was going to lose you if I didn't let you know how important you had become to me. It was hard to do; I've never done it before. But it was my only chance Charlie. I knew how I felt about you. But, when you said those things on the roof that night, I realized that you didn't know how I felt. Because I had never told you. It became a major issue for the main reason that I need you and you were ready to walk away. They weren't words that I would have normally said if I didn't know for a fact, that I had no choice. I've never been a very open person. I've never shared my real feelings with anyone."
Charlie said, "I want us to make it through this and we almost have Don. We're almost there, we have this one big bad dream that I want to help you with. I'm sorry that the things I said were followed by the accident or we may have been able to talk them out last week, but we are talking now and we are two reasonably intelligent men here. We can find the answer to making those dreams stop. You've apologized many times for what happened. I want to apologize for what happened too. For the first time in twenty seven years I hit you. That was not a rational mind at work Don. That was just as much of a shock to my conscious mind as it was to yours. I'm sorry that I let it get that far. I let you down then. I also let you down when I walked away without talking out the problem. So now we both know that we let each other down. We both learned that neither of us has a perfect brother. But we both learned a lot more than that these past two weeks. We've learned that we can talk out a problem; that when we get mad at each other, we can still be friends. We both learned how important the other is to us. I think as a team, we do really well.
The Eppes brothers. We're a set Don and it'll work for us because no matter what, in the end we will have each other's backs. I will always be there for you and I don't doubt at all that you'll be there for me. We hit that rough patch and it sent us on an out of control skid, but we are back on track and we won't be caught off guard again. I really feel like there isn't anything we can't get past if we work on it together and one big ole bad dream just doesn't stand a chance."
Don laughed. He was now leaning back against the bleacher behind him and had his ankles crossed in front of him. Charlie thought he looked relaxed enough to sleep. Now was the time after all.
"I'll be right back. I just need to get something out of the car."
Don had not been expecting the sudden change in Charlie or his flying down the bleachers. He sat up and then leaned back again and crossed his arms with a yawn. Charlie really had woke him up too early this morning.
Charlie opened the trunk. There were a few cars in the parking lot by this time but there were no players on the field yet. It took longer than he thought it would to return. And when he did he found a whole new dilemma. Charlie stood to the side of the bleachers and called up to Don. Don awoke from his doze, looked over the side and he laughed. Charlie made quite a sight, but he was covered head to ankles in a catcher's uniform.
Charlie smiled at Don's reaction. "Laugh it up Bro, I brought you one too." He tossed the bag up to Don. "I have to warn you though, bleachers and all this gear to do mix well." He struggled back up to his seat.
Don looked in the bag. Aside from the helmet and face mask was a lot of padding and there were also two catcher mitts. A few bottles of water and a ton of straws completed the inventory. He had the straws in his hand. "Do you need this many Buddy?"
"Absolutely. Everyone sitting anywhere near us gets one. No more exposed throats on the third base line."
In the spirit of Charlie's efforts, Don put on the gear with a lot of help from his brother. They laughed about it all the way through his getting outfitted for the game. There were now a lot of players around.
One wearing an IRS hat walked over to them. He stood looking up at the sight of two catchers in the stands. "This is just a guess but are you the brothers that were injured last week by that foul ball I hit?"
They both laughed and Don said, "Lucky guess. But we're prepared today, do your worst Tax Man." The three of them shared a laugh.
"I'm glad you're both okay. I'm really very sorry about that. I had heard that the hospital released you both and that was a relief. I have had the worst time with dreams of that foul ball and I think that you both being here and being okay will help. I'm Josh Hughes and I don't normally attack Feds or NSA personnel." He reached his hand up to shake Charlie's hand.
"Charlie Eppes and this is my brother Don. We're both on the mend now."
"Thanks for coming back to the game. And really I can understand that you can't be rooting for the IRS to win this game. This is the first game of the playoffs."
Charlie answered his challenge. "Mr. Hughes, the IRS always wins. I'm surprised the NSA team showed up at all."
"That's a record that's just waiting to be broken. It was nice meeting you and enjoy the game."
Don handed one of the catchers' mitts to his brother and while they were putting them on a man and woman took a seat next to Don. The playoffs were attracting more people than the regular season games. The man was sitting next to Don and he looked up, surprised to see his partner.
"Hey Derek, I didn't expect to see you here today." Don was suspicious of the nervous glances. He kept looking from Charlie and back to Don again.
"Uh, hi Don, Charlie." He nodded toward Charlie. "I didn't notice that was you. No offense guys but Paula and I aren't sitting anywhere near the two of you. I'm glad you're well padded, but you are a target and anyone sitting near the two of you is just asking for trouble." Derek turned to the people on the other side of Paula and as a group they all got up and hurried to the section of bleachers further down. A few other people who had overheard got up and moved away as well.
Don looked at Charlie and they both laughed. "We're branded for life now Bro. We face a future of empty bleachers all around us."
Don leaned back again and stretched his legs out. "That's okay Buddy. You're the company I would prefer anyway and I can stretch out. Besides, if word gets out about us, we won't have any nearby competition for those fly balls at the pro games. And a big plus is that Dad will get all his straws back."
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A/N: Thanks guys for hanging in for this long story. It only looked like I was opening up a new major storyline. A special thank you to all the Don fans that kept reading after those first chapters.
Epilogue to follow