Part 1
The Other Real beginning that you didn't know about because it wasn't on the DVD (even though it wasn't a DVD it was a game) because the government kept it top secret and stuff.
Our story begins on a train. Our heroes, the rather stupid Cloud (not Clod), the ever-preppy Tifa, and the clueless Barret are about to jump off the fast moving train. They also have failed to notice that a girl with long dark blue hair was following them. Or specifically following Cloud...
Barret: long string of curse words We gotta jump!
Cloud: But it'll mess up my hair! tear And it took me so long to get it like this! . ;
Tifa: Like, OMG!
Cloud's blue-haired stalker hides behind Barret. No one seems to notice.
Barret: Get yer spikey-headed ass out o' this train!
Barret pushes Cloud out of the open door.
BHS (Blue Haired Stalker): Awl... I lost him..
Barret, being somewhat stupid and not paying much attention, pushes the blue-haired stalker out the door, thinking she was Tifa. He then jumps out, managing to close the door behind him. o.o; Tifa is left on the train.
BHS: AHHHHHH! she lands on Cloud ...ow...
Cloud: Aw man... you messed up my hair! TT
BHS: AH! I'msorryI'msorry! she helps him up I'msorryI'msorry! ...Do you know my brother?
Cloud being as slow as he was, took a few minutes to catch up with what the girl was saying.
Cloud: ...I...might... who is your brother? And who are you anyways?
BHS: I'm Terra! the girl grinned You should know him. He was in SOLDIER. You were too, right?
Cloud: Erm...yeah?
Terra: I knew it! I saw the Mako in your eyes.
Cloud blinks, not quite catching on to what Terra was saying. He looked around.
Cloud: Where's Barret?
After a long string of very loud and vivid curse words, the two saw Barret come crashing to the ground in front of them. (O.o; Wow that took him long enough)
Barret: $&) That hurt!
Terra: blinks He's creepy..
Cloud: Yup.
Barret: C'mon foos.
Barret led them through the tunnels and to their 2nd reactor.
Cloud: Why are you following me?
Terra: 'Cause you know my brother.
Cloud: Who was your brother?
Tifa: Like, OMG! Cloud!
They found Tifa sitting in front of the Reactor.
Barret: How'd you get outta the train?
Tifa: Lets just say, I'm like really good with like my mouth.
Terra: BAD IMAGES!
Cloud: O.O --- (he's shocked)
Tifa: Like OMG! That's like, not what I meant. I like talked to them and some junk.
Cloud: ...whatever... (attack of Puberty Boy! .)
The four of them enter the reactor and set the bomb on the reactor core.
Terra: Why are we blowing up this place?
Barret: Cuz we've savin' the Planet, damnit!
Terra: Oh... Ok!
They set up the bomb at the reactor core. A random girl with long black hair poofled into existence next to Terra.
Random Girl: Someone set us up the bomb!
She poofled out of existence and the four just blinked at each other.
Cloud: Ho'kay...
Barret: C'mon foos!
As they were leaving, Rufus randomly appeared with a large evil-lookin' machine.
Rufus: I don't like you... Die now!
The large machine came to like and attacked them while Rufus left in his helicopter.
BEGIN BOSS BATTLE!
lots fighting!
Machine: DEATH
END BOSS BATTLE
After the smoke cleared from the fight, Cloud was hanging onto the ledge that was created from teh BOOM with Terra hanging on his ankles.
Terra: Dunfalldunfalldunfalldunfalldunfall!
Tifa: Like, OMG! They're gonna fall!
Cloud: AHH x.x;
Terra: DUNFALLDUNFALLDUNFALLDUNALLLLLL
Tifa: Maybe I can use, like my great oral skills to like, get some guy to help us and some junk.
That horribly wrong sounding sentence made Cloud go into a semi-coma-like state of extreme twitchiness things... Making him let go and sending the twitchy Cloud and screaming Terra falling.
Barret: Well damn...
Tifa: I didn't like, mean that! rolls eyes
Our two heroes fell to what they thought would be their deaths but in fact is was a flowerbed!
Terra: Owie..
Cloud: (who had broken Terra's fall) X.X
Random Girl: Hey! looks around Reno! She's not here! whines
Reno: rolls eyes She's gotta be around here somewhere...
Random Girl: skips up to Cloud and Terra Where's the flower girl?
Reno: sighs Aeris..
Aeris: appears from behind Cloud Whhhaaattt?
Cloud: GAH! jumps into Terra's arms She's scary! ;o;
Random Girl: Found her!
Aeris: We must flee!
She grabbed Terra, who was still holding Cloud, and ran out the back of the church through the sector, and into a playground. The random girl followed them closely. Reno just rolled his eyes and left.
Random Girl: Awl... Reno left me. ;o;
Terra: Ohhh! Cloudy! She followed me! Can I keep her:3
RG: O.o;; Eh?
Cloud: Er... o.o;; Sure?
RG: o.O;; Eh?
Terra: Now you need a name...
RG: EH! My name's Arti...
Terra: Yay!
Aeris: You killed my flowers ¬.¬
Just then Tifa rode by in a chocobo-pulled cart, dressed even more scantily-clad than ever.
Arti: That's scary...
Cloud: Eh?
Terra: Tifa just rolled by in a cart, dressed more whore-ish than ever.
Cloud: Oh ok. So how do we save her?
Aeris: We have to go into the Wall market and dress Cloud up like a girl! .
Cloud: O.O
Terra: How do you know that?
Arti: She was reading the script.
Terra: Oh -.-
Cloud: O.O;
The three girls drug Cloud, who was kicking and screaming like a little girl, into the dress shop and forced him into a silky pink dress along with some other accessories generously given to them by the Wall Market citizens. Aeris picked out a red dress, Terra grabbed a baby blue one and Arti chose the black one.
Random Man: winks at Cloud So purdy. .
Cloud: O.O
After sneaking Cloud away from the odd man, they headed towards Corneo's house-thing. All five 'girls' lined up in front of him.
Don Corneo: Ooh! squeals So many pretties! So little time!
Tifa: Like, OMG! It's like, my Cloud-poo!
Aeris: MINE! growls o.
Terra: roars MINE!
Cloud: sings I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and...
Arti and Terra: Don't finish that!
Cloud: Why? ;-;
Barret: randomly walks through She's cute!
Aeris: That's Cloud.
Barret: O.O leaves
Don Corneo: I've decided I shall choose not one but two lovely ladies to accompany me tonight! Hee hee.
Cloud: I feel pretty!
Aeris: shmacks Cloud No!
Cloud: ;-;
Don: I've decided who my companions will be tonight. I choose the girl in the black and the girl in the blue.
Tifa: OMG! I like wanted to be chosen.
Arti and Terra looked at each other.
Arti: Can we kill him?
Terra: Sure. After we get information outta him.
Arti: You got a gurn or something?
Terra: Oh yeah! she pulls out a gurn that was almost as big as her
Arti: O.O ( -- more shock) Where'd that come from?
Terra only smiled. The duo then followed the Don back into his 'special' room that was really pink and fluffy.
Terra: This room is sorta disturbing.
Don: Come here my pretties!
Terra pulled out her really big gun.
Terra: Nope!
Arti: I wanna know where you keep that thing! x.x
Don: What's this!
Terra: We wanna know some stuff!
Arti: Where's Reno?
Terra: Where's my brother?
Arti: You have a brother?
Terra: Yup:D
Don: I don't know those people!
I'm not quite sure what happened next. Terra says it was an accident but I'm not so sure. Somehow Terra's gun went off and blew up the Don's manor sending all our heroes (except for Tifa) into the sewers.
Cloud: No! My dress! My beautiful dress is ruined! ;-; cries
Arti: Now how'd that happened? And how are we still alive?
Terra: It was an accident! I sweat! I'm not sure how we survived that though...
Aeris: Well... At least we're all ok.
Cloud: No we're not! My dress is ruined! more crying
Aeris: Ok... Well, did you get that info?
Arti: Wh... What info? What kinda info were we supposed to get?
Aeris: sigh Never mind. Lets just get out of this place.
The four made towards the exit, killing a few monsters as they go. They found the exit then to the Train Graveyard! (da da daaaaaaaaaa!)
Aeris: This place takes too long to go through.
Terra: I can blow it up...
Cloud: Just don't hurt my dress anymore.
Terra pulled the gun out.
Arti: I still wanna know where you keep that thing.
Terra grinned and proceeded to blow the place up. The four continued on till they got to the Tower! It seemed like there was a battle going on at the top. They figured Barret was up there because every now and then they'd here a string of curses.
Tifa: Aeris! Like OMG! Like, you should take Marlene to safety!
Aeris ran off and Tifa joined your party!
Tifa: Like, OMG! We should like, help Barret.
The four ran up the Tower to find Barret fighting with none other than... Reno!
Arti: Reno!
Reno: Shit! .
A helicopter flew up next to the tower. It had Aeris in it. Tseng too. Reno was in it after he jumped it. (fragments galore!)
Reno: Better watch out. The tower's gonna blow up! ;3
Barret: Someone set us up the bomb!
Aeris: She's safe Tifa!
The helicopter flew away.
Arti: Reno! tear ;-;
Terra: C'mon! Lets use this handy rope to swing to safety!
The group all jumped onto the cable, Arti at the top, Barret in the middle with Tifa attached to his back and Cloud at the bottom with Terra attached to his ankles. They then swung away on Barret's 'golden shiny wire of hope!'
TEH END!
...really now, go away.