A/N: This was something I had debated writing after my "Restless Dreams" story but I just never had the ambition to do it, until inspiration knocked on my writing door. The title comes from a song with the same name by Within Temptation. It just conveys all that I wanted for this story too perfectly and gave me what I needed to finish. For those of you who have heard their music, you know what I mean. If you haven't heard, then I suggest you do, cuz this band is phenomenal. Check out their MySpace and special thanks goes out to Zacksoldier1 for introducing their music to me. That's about it, so I hope you enjoy. Alas, FFVII is not mine but the property of Square-Enix…however, I claim the creativity of this plot. Reviews are welcome, so lemme know what you think.
"Pale"
By MakoRain
Darkness. Darkness and silence…that was this existence. It filled every available space and revealed nothing, no light to be seen, and no sound to be heard, nothing to know that one exist. This was not life, if he really was alive in this place. He tried to move but felt nothing. Did he still have all of his limbs? Was his body whole? Subconsciously he knew he was breathing and yet neither pulse nor heartbeat confirmed it.
In the distance, or so it seemed, a pinpoint of light pierced through the black, pulling his body towards it with some invisible force. He could not fight it if he tried so he went willingly; maybe the light held the answers to what he wanted to know. Time did not seem to exist in this place, but he felt like an eternity as the light drew nearer, revealing nothing as it shined. Once it hit his body, it enveloped him entirely in a blazing heat that gave no pain; he did not feel the burning of his skin as he should from energy that strong. He flew through the tunnel the light made until a scene entered his line of vision.
From a distance, only two undistinguished figures were visible, facing each other. Memories returned and caused him to flinch internally as the moment continued to play; it was one he knew all too well. Sephiroth stood in front of Tifa, long blade in hand and positioned to strike. The frame seemed to slow its pace as the own version of himself in the scene turned around and realized too late what was about to happen. Tifa's body collapsed at Sephiroth's life taking blow, only hitting the ground completely when he removed the sword from her abdomen. He could only watch, emotions so strong he felt as if they were suffocating him while his past self ran to her fallen form, looking to see Sephiroth gone already. He sat there beside Tifa, holding a hand that would never return his grasp, her hazel eyes no longer shining with life. Watching this play before him killed a piece of himself each time, slowly losing himself as the failure of that instant ate away at his soul. He pitied the poor fool he saw sitting beside the unmoving form of his childhood friend until he felt something like anger seeping in its place. Why couldn't he save her! Things could have been different if only- his thoughts were cut short as the past him finally lost his composure and screamed "Tifa!" in gut-wrenching despair.
"Tifa!" Cloud shot up in bed, yelling his best friend's name as if from a dream. But that wasn't right; those memories were Cloud's worst nightmares come to life, repeating in his subconscious until he felt he would go mad. As his breathing slowly returned to normal, he dwelled on those last few moments of Tifa's life; the sickly sound of the blade piercing her flesh…turning around an instant too long and watching her fall, life gone before his very eyes. He blamed himself for her death. It didn't matter that he was not the one who dealt the final blow; he had stood powerless, unable to act in her greatest time of need. He had failed Tifa, broken a promise he swore to her so long ago and it weighed down on his soul forcefully. Cloud sat on the edge of his bed, head in hands as if that could make the pain and miseries disappear for once. It never did.
It had been three months since Tifa's death, and the nightmares had slowly started to fade away until he was able to sleep as peaceful as possible once again. He had been given an entire week of dreamless nights until now. What made them go away? More importantly, what made them return, tonight of all nights? Cloud pondered over these questions as left his room, pausing at the door right across the hall. It stood there, facing him, only a few steps away and taunting him endlessly until he reached out to place his hand on the silver knob. He had not entered her room since she had been taken from him, with everything still in place as she had left it on that last day. He could not bear the thought of changing anything of hers; this was all he had left of her, his precious Tifa. Cloud missed her more than ever in that instant, his heart throbbing as he lay down on her bed, breathing in the faint scent of her floral shampoo he used to love taking in whenever they embraced.
A small tear escaped out of the corner of his eye to leave a trail down his cheek which he did not brush away; she deserved that much since he had not been able to cry for her when he had laid her to rest, merging with the Life stream. The shock and pain had made him numb and unable to feel the full impact of it all until it was too late and she was completely gone. He would give anything to get that numbness back, to no longer have to feel this killing sorrow seeping through his heart, sucking the life from him. Blissfully, his wish was granted as he felt sleep pull him under, cleansing his soul of nightmares in a dreamless sleep.
Zack knocked on Cloud's door, checking to see if his friend awake yet. After a pause and no sound, he tried the door knob. "Cloud?" He entered the room only to see it vacant, the bed unmade and empty. Closing the door, Zack stepped into the hall and bumped into Aerith who was facing the door opposite Cloud's. She cracked it open and Zack looked inside, hearing a soft "Cloud" escape her lips before seeing the young man fast asleep on Tifa's bed.
"He's so sad; it hurts me to see him like this."
"I know Aerith…He can't keep doing this to himself."
She nodded, still watching the tired hero as Zack circled her waist with his arms from behind. She leaned into him, enjoying the peaceful moment before asking, "We need to help him, but how?"
Zack rest his chin atop her head, contemplating ways to help his comrade. "I don't know if we can. I think Cloud has to accept that Tifa's gone before he can move on with the rest of his life."
Aerith nodded slightly. "Tifa was his joy in life. It's just heart breaking that he didn't realize it until he lost her."
"Cruel irony: they were soul mates, and yet neither recognized the other's love. I'm glad that is not the case with us." His voice was full of empathy and a hushed happiness.
Aerith turned around in Zack's arms to face him, his blue violet eyes filled with warmth and love for her. "As am I. I don't know what I would do if I lost you."
Zack kissed her sweetly before replying, "That will never happen. I'm always with you…in here." He placed his hands over her heart and smiled brightly. Forever in your heart, as you are in mine."
Cloud knew his friends were worried; he was not oblivious to their looks asking "are you alright?" It was the one question he was never sure he would be able to answer again. He instead chose to ignore it, only acknowledging their concern with a forced smile. Aerith was satisfied with this since it was not her place to say, but Zack knew better, as always, and was persistent until Cloud agreed to help them with Seventh Heaven.
"It will be good for you to interact with people," Zack had said convincingly, to which Cloud had retorted, "I talk to you and Aerith, isn't that enough?" Zack of course wouldn't play into his logic. "No, not if you want to do something with your life."
"What's left of it," he couldn't help muttering and was riddled with guilt at Zack's hurt radiating from his caring eyes. "You don't mean that, Cloud." The younger man couldn't stand to see his friend in so much pain over him and so he had made a slight nod before walking away to his room, trying to find comfort in his solitude.
Cloud had come to spend his time in an endless routine, not really noticing as his life passed him by day after day. He would often find himself gazing at the stars, trying to keep his mind blank and failing most nights. The same image would come to mind, long raven hair blowing in the breeze… soft hazel eyes alight with joy…and a smile that brightened up any room it graced. Cloud closed his eyes, trying to conjure the image clearly but it had started to fade like a photograph does over time.
Resting his head against the windowsill, he couldn't help the despair that sank in, slowly filling the place in his heart where her memory should have been. "She can't be gone." Lost in thought, Cloud did not notice his friend's presence.
"She is, Cloud." Zack was not trying to be harsh, but sometimes the truth hurt and he thought it was well past time for Cloud to face it. The blonde warrior sat in silent contemplation, not looking at the older and wiser man in front of him. Zack had more experience with death after being with SOLDIER for far longer than him and he was just trying to help. Cloud knew he should listen but didn't have the energy or the heart to argue, and so he sat quietly without interrupting what Zack had to say.
"I won't say I know what you're going through because I don't. I can't recall losing anyone so dear to me as… Tifa was my friend, but you two grew up together and formed something special."
"She was my best friend," Cloud lamented and noticed Zack's smiling kind and somewhat pitying expression out of the corner of his eye. That look bothered him more than he liked and so his curiosity got the better of him. "What?"
"Cloud, surely you believe that as much as I do, which is not at all. You have to have realized by now that Tifa was…that she is…" Zack trailed off pointedly, waiting for Cloud to finish this obvious statement, which turned out to be not so obvious as Cloud stared blankly before answering, "My first crush?"
Zack refrained from swatting him in the head instead placing a hand to his temple in exasperation. "Not exactly what I was going for, Strife." With a few more blinks from Cloud, Zack gave in. "Soul mate." He lowered his voice when Cloud's eyebrows shot up with his widening mako enhanced blue eyes. "I was going for soul mate."
"But I…" Cloud was trying his best to comprehend Zack's words.
Zack sat on the bed, facing Cloud where he still sat on the ledge. "I didn't know it wasn't obvious to you; maybe I should have softened the blow."
He smiled warmly at the young man before him, so lost and confused. Zack had always looked after Cloud as a little brother and it tugged at his heart to see him in such a state. Zack tried to voice his observations as best he could. "When you first joined SOLDIER, all you would talk about was a certain raven-haired girl from your hometown that you had to leave behind. You were so happy just telling me about her and it helped you ignore the fact that you were apart that I didn't have the heart to make you shut up."
Cloud chuckled lightly at the memory, recalling how young and alive he'd been when he started with SOLDIER. He had been forced to grow up as soon as the experiments were given, taking part of his mind and home with them in one fell swoop. Cloud had almost lost Tifa then, after Sephiroth's rage crossed Nibelhiem's path. He had found her with a stomach wound from the great SOLDIER, and casually tossed aside like a toy that was no longer amusing. Tifa's smile broke across an otherwise pain stricken face, and she had easily forgiven him for being later rather than sooner; he had come for her and that was all that had mattered.
"I know you miss her, Cloud. We all do." Zack's voice suddenly rang through the silence and broke Cloud's concentration, taking his recollection with it. He looked at the man he considered more of a brother than friend with empty eyes, void of all expression which caused the dark haired man to sigh. He got up to leave; taking Cloud's guarded silence as his cue to leave. Turning at the door, he looked over his shoulder at the young man, so much of him missing after her death. Tifa had a much stronger hold on Cloud than any could imagine, and he would need time more than anything before he could truly let go and break that hold. Cloud didn't seem to want that, not yet, and Zack had done all he could so now was just waiting.
"Get some sleep, alright, Spiky? You look like hell." He was graced with a small smile before closing the door, hoping Cloud would listen for once.
Cloud went to bed when exhaustion took his mind and gave him no choice but to sleep. He drifted easily into the dream reality, floating along in that white expanse that was so unlike the black of his memories in his subconscious. The white was blindingly pure and Cloud almost wished for the solitude and confinement of the darkness. He came upon a beautiful meadow with pink roses scattered in full bloom across the vast area as far as his line of sight could see, the fragrance pleasant to his senses and adding to his detachment.
He felt her presence before he saw her, and at first he didn't believe it. Cloud turned around in time to see her approach him through all the white, her soft white dress almost blending in and gracing her form in contrast to her usually darker clothes. He forgot to breathe as Tifa walked onwards and stopped an arms length away, unsure of how Cloud was taking this in. It was a lot to handle in such a…fragile state of mind, full of grief and sorrow that he was. Cloud just stared at her, unable to blink so as not to make her just be an illusion that could disappear at the slightest movement. Both stood still for a few moments, unsure of what to do, until Tifa moved towards him and brushed her fingers across his cheek tenderly. Cloud leaned into the touch and seeing that she was still there, he fully embraced her solid form, almost threatening to never let go. Tifa could feel him collapse in her arms as she returned his hug, missing that simple contact after so long, and both sank to the comfort of the meadow in emotional fatigue.
Tifa held him until he moved back somewhat, wanting to see her face, her hazel eyes, her soft lips, everything he had taken for granted for so long that had cruelly been stolen from him in one fatal instance. She saw the pain in his eyes and couldn't help letting him go, placing her arms instead around her knees as she faced him.
"I'm sorry, Cloud. I wish things didn't have to be like this."
He recalled how she used to sit like that when they were kids before her words sank in. He looked at her blankly, wondering what she had to apologize for when he was the one who had let her die.
"Tifa, it's not your fault. It's mine."
She looked at him in confusion until his meaning sank in as well. He couldn't possibly blame himself for her current state, could he?
"Cloud, there was nothing you could do. We were all caught off guard when Sephiroth…when he…"
She trailed off, unable to bear the sight of those mako blue eyes filled with despair at the thought. Instead, she scooted closer to him in the grass and took his hand, so cold that she couldn't help but shiver at the small touch. She held on tightly still, not wanting him to go on living like this, so guilt ridden and alone. He looked from their interlaced fingers to her ring, the one he had given her before leaving Nibelhiem. He twirled it, drawing her attention to it as well while both sharing the memory of that night at the well and the promise he had made her.
"I broke my promise, Teef. I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most."
She gripped his hands more tightly in hers, trying to get him to understand something once and for all.
"You did what you could, and that's all that matters. You have to forgive yourself, because I have never blamed you. You have always been there for me, whether you realize it or not."
Cloud gazed into her eyes, lost in her words until she clarified.
"When you were lost, uncertain of what you were meant to do and distancing yourself from everyone, you were still with me. On deliveries, assignments, whenever you were gone, you were always in here."
She placed his hand on her heart, showing her meaning.
"You've always held a place in my heart, Cloud Strife, and you always will, even if we can't be together."
His vision blurred at her words, touching his soul with the caring and love he felt resonate from her for him, him, the person who had let her die and leave him forever. Wasn't that punishment enough? Why did he have to love her so much, and she love him in return? If only he could've realized what he now knew as love for this woman, his best friend and soul. He lost his only chance at true happiness when she left this world forever, never to return.
But then what was this? Was she not with him right now? I need to cherish this time as much as possible, and to do that, she must know how I feel about her, he thought, deciding it was well past time she knew how much she meant to him.
Cloud saw a tear slide down her cheek and brushed it away with his hand, enjoying the feel of her warm skin under his touch. She gave him a wavering smile at his tenderness, keeping her eyes downcast as she said, "I should not be sad. You are with me here now, even if for just a little while."
"Tifa, you need to know how much I care for you. It was you who found me after those years apart, you who gave me a place to stay and a purpose for once in my life. You made me the man I am today, and I will never forget that."
She drew in a shaky breath, not wanting to hear these words that would only add to the bittersweet relationship she had with Cloud. She did not want to listen, and yet she could not stop, knowing how much she had yearned for this from him for so long.
"You are the only person I have ever truly loved in life, and I will continue to do so in death."
His form went out of focus as she let the unshed tears spill; tears of joy for his love and tears of sorrow for the reality of their situation and the timing all of this had come to light for both of them. She had always loved Cloud, and this moment was one she had dreamed of for as long as she could remember. Now in this time and place, the cruel irony sunk in as she did not hide her tears and saw his as well stain his face. Yet he was the one to comfort her; he held her in his arms until her tears stopped and his were well done with.
Both had trails down their faces and somewhat splotchy eyes, but neither cared; they were beautiful in each other's eyes. Cloud lifted her chin with one hand and held her hand in the other, pulling her closer until their lips met for the first time. Tifa melted into his taste, recording the feel of his moist lips on hers, his tongue gently caressing and thrilling at the same time to memory. Cloud felt as if he was on fire, Tifa's lips so full and sensuous that he had to control himself; the fire burning brighter with every movement of her tongue against his, their fingers entwined in their laps. They pulled away, basking in the love they shared, feeling lightheaded with the fact that they both loved each other even if it was later than liked. Neither wanted to ever let it go, but it ended all too soon, as dreams had to.
Cloud shot up in bed, the feel of her lips still remaining on his and the haunting sense of her words burdening his mind. "I love you, Cloud…"
The dreams taunted his mind throughout his waking moments, bringing a pleasant memory along with a bittersweet sadness at each thought. Cloud wanted to be happy, and he was only happy when he was with Tifa, even if it was all in his head. Zack and Aerith had both noticed the difference in his mood; he was uncharacteristically talkative and enjoyed the company of others for once. Zack figured that his talk the other night with the young man had helped, but the truth was that Cloud wanted to be left alone and this was the best way to do it. Zack was so wrapped up in the bar and Aerith that he never questioned Cloud's sincerity, and so this gave Cloud more time to be with Tifa, in a sense. He was able to finally slip out from their watchful eyes and seclude himself more than ever.
Cloud's time of sleep came to be his time of life, living with Tifa in his alternate reality was all that he wanted to do. She was there with him always, and she tried to make that clear each time he came searching for her in that field on the plane of unconsciousness. He understood, but he had to see her and this was the only possible way so he tended to ignore her worried glances, holding onto their time for all it was worth. Tifa used these opportunities in his arms to absorb all of Cloud that she could while also getting him to understand that her death was not his fault. He should not blame himself for something he was unable to control and she knew he was trying, but the guilt and the burden still showed through his eyes, weighing down his soul. She did not wish to see him like this and so she did her best to kiss his problems away, which he returned the favor by making her forget all that weighed down her mind.
Tifa knew this existence could not last. Cloud needed to return to the land of the living and make an effort to move on, even if he did not want to. She would not be his reason for dying alone and unhappy, always stuck in a dream land that did not exist. It tore her apart to think these things but she was not allowed to stay with him any longer, and she had to tell him before they were forced apart.
Cloud wrapped his arms around her waist and laid his chin on top of her head; something they had done as they sat together when they were little and it always brought a smile to her face. She just wanted to sit there like that forever, feeling his warmth envelope her and keep her safe as always but that was not how things were supposed to go. Still, Tifa pushed the idea of what was to come from her mind as Cloud turned her around and graced her lips with a sweet, intoxicating kiss that lingered long after the kiss had stopped and making her happily disoriented as always.
He was satisfied with the effect he had on Tifa and should have realized sooner how she had felt as he noticed the little signs she made when he was near. She smiled all the time, which was not uncommon from when they were around everyone, but they seemed to be special ones, just for him. Her hazel eyes sparkled warmly with affection whenever they fell upon him. She could pick his voice out in a crowd and sense his presence long before he was close. Cloud had felt these same effects caused by her as he thought back to their life before.
Tifa had always held a special place for with him but he had never thought of any woman in a romantic sense; no time with everything that was going on in his life. Loving anyone would only bring danger to that special someone and so he chose not to, instead hiding in the comfort of his friendship with Tifa, not realizing that that was exactly what he was doing. He loved Tifa long before her death, and he regretted not having the courage to tell her when he had the chance. But she was with him now, and that was all that mattered, and so Cloud was determined to stay this way forever with her.
Tifa shifted uncomfortably in Cloud's hold and he loosened slightly, giving her a questioning glance. When she would not meet his eyes, he knew something was disturbing her.
"What is it, Tifa?"
"Cloud, are you happy?"
What kind of question is that? She knew she was prolonging the inevitable but she needed to know that she had fulfilled some purpose in his life so that he could go on living…without her.
With a bemused look, he answered, "Of course I'm happy. I'm with you."
He didn't understand the serious tone she talked in or the look of despair that crossed her face until she asked another question. "Have you forgiven yourself yet?"
She did this every time they were together and Cloud had grown used to automatically responding that yes, he had, even though he never felt that it was the truth. At the desperation in her eyes, he really thought it over, taking it all in. Had he forgiven himself? He had always been looking for forgiveness but he thought that was only from Tifa. She had never blamed him for her death and so now all he had to do was accept that he did not have control in the matter. Sephiroth had killed her, not him. Cloud was slowly learning but he did feel like he could answer her honestly this time.
"I think that I have Tifa, thanks to you. I know that I could not have stopped Sephiroth from doing what he did, but I still regret that every day I don't see your face at home."
Tifa felt a part of herself praise joyfully at the fact that Cloud had learned to move past this. That was, until he said what he had to say.
"That's no longer a problem since I can just close my eyes and be with you in this place."
Her face fell at his everlasting hope. If only it were that simple she thought, feeling a part of herself seep away at the harsh reality of it all. She had been so caught up as well in this fantasy that she had ignored the fact that it was just that; a fantasy that was coming to an end. She took a deep breath, gaining all of the reserve she could muster as she prepared to say what she had to. Her facade cracked a little as Cloud's piercing blue eyes locked with hers, and she felt her resolve slipping away with the tide in his eyes, being lost in that sea of blue. "Cloud…"
Tifa stopped, unable to continue and Cloud started to worry. "Are you alright?" She shook her head but looked at her hands, focusing on her ring as she twirled it absentmindedly.
"Please, don't lie to me, Teef. I've known you since we were kids and this is not how you are when you're fine."
He lifted her chin to study her face, so perfect and yet so strained with a tension for reasons unknown to him. Her eyes held a desperate plea, which her voice added to as she tried once again to speak.
"Cloud, please, don't make this harder than it already is."
Her voice broke and she was trying her best to hold back the wave of emotions she kept inside. Tifa didn't want to do this, but she didn't have a choice in the matter. It was a wonder that she was allowed so much time with him in the first place, but she could feel the pull on her soul, signaling that their time was about to come to an end. Don't make me do this! Her mind screamed, begging the Powers That Be to allow her just a little more precious time with Cloud. Tifa had fulfilled her purpose by getting Cloud to forgive himself and her plea was answered with a forceful pull, causing her to gasp at the sudden pain.
Cloud held her close, not sure what was causing her such pain, but wanting nothing but to make it stop. He felt her form slipping away as the light in her eyes started to dim. Cloud held her tighter, unsure of what was happening but he didn't like it.
"Tifa! What's happening?"
Each breathe came as a gasp and her chest shuddered as she tried to find the words to speak.
"I'm so sorry…Cloud. My time…is no more."
Panic was soon replaced with desperation as he held her close, unwilling to just let her go. He couldn't, not after their lives together, their love noticed too late, their time in this place; everything was threatening to slip away and he couldn't bear it. Tears fell from his eyes and into her hair as she spoke once more.
"Don't cry…for me. You've shed too many tears already. You need to live your life Cloud. I'll see you again some day."
"I can't lose you, not again, Tifa. I love you so much."
Tears constricted his throat and he tried to calm himself but lost all attempt as her hand wiped away the tears. He held her hand in place, not letting go until she looked into his eyes one last time.
"Cloud…I will always love you."
Her hand slackened in its place against his face, her heart beating no more as her life left her unmoving form. Cloud was too shocked to move, and when her body dispersed into the white all around him, causing a blue green glow to fill the space, all he could do was watch. The Life stream once again claimed her body, the woman he loved no longer with him. He tried to stand but found his legs unable to hold his weight. He fell back to the ground, pink roses surrounding him as he cried out all of the fear, pain, anguish, and hate at his loss. Once Cloud was drained of it all, a sense of peace spread throughout his entire body and he drifted off into a restless sleep, Tifa's name the last thing escaping his lips.
Cloud tossed and turned, mumbling something incoherently in his sleep. "Tifa!" he exclaimed as he shot up in bed, covered in sweat and heart threatening to burst from his chest. Tifa, where did she go? His mind was in a haze as he tried to recall the fragments that floated around until he was interrupted by a stirring at his side. Cloud glanced over to see Tifa Strife, his wife, shifting to look up at him.
"Cloud, are you alright?"
Her voice was filled with concern as she looked at her husband's disorientated condition and ran her fingers through his somewhat spiked hair like she used to when they were growing up to calm him down. It did the trick as he laid his head against her stomach, looking into her face as if he hadn't seen her in years.
A smile tugged at her lips as she gave into her curiosity and his boyish charm. "What?"
Cloud took her hand in his, fingering the ring there that he had given her before he left Nibelhiem and then traced over to the diamond and band of her wedding set. She watched his fingers as they moved and was pulled back to his mako blue eyes, full of love, joy, happiness…and a question that lingered.
"What did you dream about?"
He looked back to their hands as he said, "You." It was not a happy statement and so she dug a little deeper.
"Did something bad happen?"
"You were…dead, and I was helpless to stop it." His voice was so soft that she had to bend down to hear his words, and she knew he was upset as he spoke. Cloud had always been overprotective of her, now more than ever since they were married and he still had enemies from his days of SOLDIER and then their times in AVALANCHE. He tended to worry too much in her opinion but if it weighed down his conscious, it was time to lighten the load for him.
Tifa hovered above Cloud's face, making sure he would not mistake her words. "Cloud, I will be here as long as I can with you. If that time ends, you will always be in my heart, and I will always be with you as well."
She placed her hand on his chest, over the place of his heart and traced an outline of a heart there before he pulled her into an intense and disorienting kiss. She rest her forehead against his once they broke apart, and couldn't help smiling in response to his grin.
"Promise?"
She laughed at how childish he could be and said, "I promise."
He gazed so intently at her that she felt the need to reassure him. "I'll never leave you, Cloud."
He visibly relaxed and went back to his side of the bed, pulling her with him to snuggle up along his the side of his body. "I love you," he whispered before kissing the top of her head. His fingers ran through her long raven hair, causing sleep to once again overtake her. Before she fully fell asleep, she sighed, "I love you, too." A whispered, "I know," was the last thing she heard before sleep overcame her, Cloud's arms wrapping her completely in their warm security and threatening to never let her go.