Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Wohoo another chapter, I can't believe that I really got over my writer's block on this story

enjoy :) this chapter is about Invisible Evidence :wub:

Many many many thanks to Rhee for beta reading!

chapter 11

Damn she definitely needed a cold shower now. What to hell had that been? She was still shivering from the showers of sensations that had been running down her spine.

First she had been really pissed off because he hadn't allowed her to continue working her case and she had wished that she wouldn't have lacked the guts to tell him what she had really been thinking about him in that moment. 'I'm handing out assignments, Sara. It's not a negotiation.' She had felt less hurt than exposed in front of the others. The times in which he could hurt her were over; she was over him. At least this was what she had been thinking.

Then, when she had calmed down about the assignments, she had started to focus on the case. Her interest had been waken up and she came to the decision that she really wanted to solve this case.

While she had been on her way to the garage she had spotted the victim's sheets in the lay out room. She entered to take a closer look at it short before Grissom had joined her in there. Without really thinking about it she had initiated a re-enactment of the victim's rape. She had been standing with her back to the sheets while Grissom had been standing dangerously close to her. His hands had been on her wrists while she had been indicating the victim's struggle. Then she had mentioned that the attacker must have put his hands on the sheet for leverage and after a second Grissom had let go of her wrists and had positioned his hands near her hips.

Their gazes had met and she had felt a shower of sensations running down her spine. The way he had been looking at her had scared her a bit, on the other hand it had also been incredible arousing. His face had been so close to hers that she had been able to feel his breath upon her skin. She had felt how all her resolutions were sinking into oblivion. She just hadn't been able to allow herself to get under his spell again. She had finally been able to accept that nothing would ever happen between them again and then something like this had happened.

She had been able to feel how much he had wanted her in that moment. And she had wanted him just as much. But she hadn't been able to do this to herself again. No matter what would happen, she knew she'd end up heartbroken once again, and she really wasn't in the mood for this anymore. She couldn't take this anymore.

She had broken away from him and had tried to find an excuse. She knew that she had to find something that would bring them both back to the realization that they were at work and that this was not allowed to happen, whatever the reasons were. So she had started to talk about her application for the promotion and had told him that she hoped that their 'history' and the things that had happened after the lab explosion wouldn't be a factor. His expression had totally knocked her off the track. And later she had told him that she was always over-talking when she was around him, something that she probably shouldn't have said. Now he knew that he still made her nervous. She had left him standing there without saying anything else, she had felt too exposed and in addition to this the insight that she was everything but over him had hit her.

She had been doing so well in the last months! She had been so glad that for the first time in years she hadn't been thinking of him while falling asleep, that she hadn't been dreaming of him all night and that she he hadn't been the first person of whom she thought after she woke up. And now this.

She knew that of course he still did not know what to do about them, but he had been as aroused by this as she had been. She had been able to feel how he had undressed her with his eyes. And then the expression in his eyes when she had started to talk about her application! He hadn't been able to understand why she had changed the subject or better said why she had broken the silence in order to escape the tension, which had rapidly built up, between them. Great, how was she supposed to ever forget about this moment again? He had wanted her and she knew that if she hadn't pulled away he would not have been able to control himself much longer.

She reached the lockers room and after the door fell shut behind her she leaned back against her locker. With her eyes closed, she tried to regain control over herself. So how was she supposed to behave now? Ignore it? That was probably the best she could do. It had taken her months and lots of ice cream to finally start moving on.

The look in his eyes hadn't been subtle; she knew exactly what he had been feeling. And this was what made it so hard for her. She knew that he felt something for her, it was obvious. But something held him back from acting on it, she didn't know what it was but it didn't matter, it was strong enough to keep him away from her, nothing would happen. That was the bitter truth. Before he wouldn't overcome his stupid reasons he would never realize that they could be happy together.

Damn it they could be happy! They could be so happy and... She shook her head. She had to find a way to be happy without him. She had been on the best way to get over him; she needed to get back on the right track again now. The problem just was that he still had this power over her, he was able to get her hopes up with the slightest gesture, okay this time it had not been 'slight', the tension between them had almost been leading to an explosion!

She sighed softly. She needed to go back to work. If they wanted to nail that guy they really had to hurry up. There wasn't much time left. But she still didn't feel ready to face anyone yet. Gosh, she wished that she hadn't broken away from him. Maybe Grissom wouldn't have managed to control himself much longer, maybe he would have, maybe he would have kissed her or touched her, maybe he would have put his hands on her hips, maybe he would have slipped his fingers under her shirt and, oh Sara stop day dreaming, as if that would have happened.

She turned around and opened her locker. Absentmindedly rummaging it for something she didn't know. Maybe he would have kissed me. But what would that have changed? She knew that she wouldn't be able to stand it if her heart would be broken again. Back then in San Francisco she had pretended that she would be able to handle it, but after he had left she had had to realize that she was everything but able to handle it. If he would have kissed her now – she was sure – it wouldn't have taken long until he'd have regretted it. And that would have destroyed her.

It was better this way; there was nothing for him to regret and nothing for her to get heartbroken over. She closed her locker again and smiled to herself. There was one thing that no-one could take away from her and which even he couldn't deny, at least not in front of himself, he wanted her or at least had been wanting her in that moment. Yeah he definitely couldn't deny that.

Sara left the lockers room and made her way back to the garage. She had to solve two problems now; problem number one, how was she supposed to tell herself any longer that it wasn't worth waiting for him because he didn't see her as a woman but only as a subordinate? And problem number two, how was she supposed to get rid of that smile on her lips? He wanted her! That was a start.

TBC

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