Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: I love this fic so much, I don't know why. And I know usually when I love something very much not many people like it, but I don't care... I think this is one of the best chaps so far, so enjoy ;)

many thanks to Rhee for beta reading! You're the best! And also many thanks to Myra for always being there!

chapter 13

In the last weeks she had done her best to get over Grissom. She had tried to tell herself that, since she wasn't worth it for him, he shouldn't be worth it for her. It hadn't worked that well though, but gladly she had always been smart enough to store a couple of beers in her fridge.

Yes she knew that there were more problems than answers in the bottom of a bottle, but as long as she could forget about her heartache for a while she didn't care. It had been horrible to work with Grissom all the time, always having to pretend that everything was fine between them. He didn't know what she had heard and she wouldn't tell him. It wouldn't change anything anyway.

And then his comment about not having seen her for a while. If she hadn't known better she would have thought that he was trying to ask her out. But he would never do that. No, he never would risk anything in order to be with her. She wouldn't get her hopes up for any personal validation from him anymore.

She had been hoping that he would at least validate her work though. That he would see that she was a great CSI, that she was one of the best CSIs at the lab. She had hoped that he would see that she was doing everything she could to be the best and that she deserved this promotion. But he had recommended Nick. Not that Nick would not have deserved it, but she would have deserved it more.
It had been a slap in the face and it had hurt even more because it hadn't been Grissom who had told her that he hadn't recommended her; no, Nick had been the one who had informed her about it. It had been so difficult to pretend that she was happy for Nick.

She had been thinking about asking Grissom for his reasons for a while. She had expected him to back out of the conversation or to find a lame excuse, so his answer had not really surprised her. "Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not" She had expected that his answer would only be another pretend and as stupid as his allegedly reason had been, she knew that he had indeed not been telling the truth.

It hurt. It had been hurting more while she had been working the limousine together with him, but it was still hurting now. Fuck, didn't I just buy two six-packs the other day? She wondered while rummaging her fridge. After a moment she gave up. Throwing the fridge shut she sighed and leaned against it with her back. So she had two options now, ordering food and hoping that she could order some beer with it or getting dressed again and walk to the next supermarket to get some beer there.

She wasn't hungry so she reluctantly put on the matching jacket to her track pants and grabbed her keys. She met her neighbor on her way out but she didn't waste time greeting her. She pretty much didn't care about anyone at the moment and tried simply to ignore the outside world.

The clerk in the drugstore already knew her name, from her credit card probably. She should pay cash more often. He winked at her when she put the six-pack on the cash desk. "Your boyfriend must love beer, does he?" Sara only rolled with her eyes and threw the money on the counter; she knew where this was supposed to lead. Without waiting for her change she grabbed her beer and left. She wasn't in the mood to get hit on tonight.

As soon as she had exited the supermarket she opened one of the cans. She had already emptied it when she reached the entrance of her apartment building, even though it was only a three minutes walk. Her neighbor was still standing outside and shook her head when Sara - once again - ignored her friendly greeting. Sara hurried up to her apartment and threw the door shut behind her when she had finally reached it.

She let herself drop on the sofa and closed her eyes for a moment. Damn you Gil Grissom, damn you, damn you, damn you. "Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not." She aped Grissom. Didn't care my ass! She downed another can of beer.

This should have opened her eyes for now. Grissom was an asshole and he didn't care a damn about her anymore. He didn't have a problem with her but he didn't care about her either or did not want to care. He did not even notice her as an outstanding CSI anymore.

Yeah what a great mentor, what a great friend, what a great man to loose your heart to Sara. She chuckled, she could only laugh about her stupidity now. How could she ever tolerate it that he had gotten so much power over her?

She grabbed the remote control for her hi-fi unit and switched it on. She turned up the sound to the limit and grinned. Yes, Papa Roach reflected her mood perfectly now. She opened another can and took a few sips. Then she leaned back and stretched out on the sofa. Oh yeah, this was a good way to relax.

Suddenly she heard the dull sounds of hands drumming against her door. She rolled with her eyes and got up. She grabbed the can and emptied it, then she made her way to the door. She opened after taking a deep breath, almost getting hit by her neighbor's fist.

"Could you possibly turn down the volume of your stereo?" Her neighbor asked irritated.
Sara bit down on her bottom lip. She should have thought of that.

"Miss Sidle I know you're pretty much ignoring your outside world, but even though this might be news to you, there are other people living in this apartment building and those would really like to get some rest and not be bothered by this crap which dares to call itself music."

Sara's eyes narrowed. She should calm down, she knew it, but she hated it when someone snapped at her and today, today she could really not tell herself to stay calm. "I can listen to music as loud and as much as I want. I'm paying enough rent for this damned apartment to be allowed to do so." Angrily she threw the can into her kitchen without even trying to hit the trash can.

"We are paying as much money as you do and we have the right to not be bothered by your mood swings."

"I don't have mood swings, I just have a boss who is a bastard." Sara snapped back.

Her neighbor raised an eyebrow. "Turn down that damned music or I'll call the caretaker."

Sara shrugged. "Good luck with that." She threw the door shut and headed for the sofa again. She was in the mood for another beer, she was not in the mood to get kicked out of her apartment though. So she thought better and turned down the volume of the music.

She leaned back on the sofa and put her feet on the coffee table. She downed another can of beer before she lay down and tried to relax. With the alcohol in her system she was at least able to forget about the pain for a while.

TBC

Some feedback would be nice ;)