Mid-year's Day (well, July 1, actually, as it is 3 o'clock in the morning)
On weddings and broodings
Well, I must say that I now have no regrets about not having left for home sooner. Princess Arwen, Lord Elrond's daugher, wed King Strider (I think I shall never tire of calling him that) today. Well, yesterday, truly. I have never been the sort to cry at weddings, though I spotted more than a few old women of Minas Tirith moved to tears by the beauty and splendor of it all. For my part, I was moved to laughter – the laugher of pure joy and wonder. History records will describe the affair in detail, so I need not; all I must tell is of my own awe at a day that mingles the triumph of the allegiance of Elf and Man-kind; the magnificence of the marriage of the monarchs of a realm; and, most miraculous, the simple sweetness of the union of two people who truly love each other. Never mind that this love is one whose fulfillment forces a woman to sacrifice eternal life in paradise, and she freely chooses the love – simply that it is love is enough to make such a thing miraculous. Perhaps it is because I have never really known love of quite this sort that I am so in awe of it; or perhaps I would be even more in awe if I had.
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On a more personal note – and much less momentous – I will be writing little in this book (or any other) for a while. Why? Well, because of something Pippin said a few days ago. He's the one who's been nagging me the most to come out of hiding, so to speak, but I've lately observed that others have also noticed my continued absence from the bustle of activity that is Minas Tirith. Sam in particular – I was watching him closely out of guilt, I suppose; he looked tense and worried when he saw me today, but relaxed visibly whenever I smiled and broke into a broad grin whenever I laughed. I think he's afraid that I've become depressed. So is Pippin, apparently, though he is both more open and more good-humored about it. "You've spent enough time in your shell, Cousin Turtle. You can poke your head out into the sunlight. To put it plainly: Stop holing yourself up in your room, moping," I think his words were.
Moping? I'm insulted. I haven't been moping. Brooding, more like. Brooding is an art; moping is just cheap imitation.
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July 15, Third Age 3019
A parting gift
As this is a short note, I thought I might as well append it to two other short notes –
I went to see the King today about the matter of heading for Rivendell and then for home, and in the course of our conversation, Queen Arwen gave me a unique – and unexpected – token. The explanation that went with it was yet more unexpected. Curiously, like the words of Elvish songs that stay imprinted upon the memory as though they, with the sweet sharpness of a knife of starlight, carved their image in the listener's brain, the words she spoke are now graven in my mind: "In my stead you shall go, Ring-bearer" (meaning to the Grey Havens and what lies across the Sea beyond) "when the time comes, and if you desire it. If your hurts grieve you still and the memory of your burden is heavy, then you may pass into the West, until all your wounds and weariness are healed." At the moment, I have no desire other than to return home – first home to Bilbo, then home to the Shire. I wonder if there is something Lady Arwen knows that I do not. Yes, I am in pain – never is there a moment when my memories do not weigh heavily upon me – but I intend to stay in the Shire; grow old, crotchety, and nostalgic; and let my wounds scar and tell me about the weather.
Author's Note: I am sorry sorry sorry that I have waited so long to write this! Five explanations (excuses): 1) It's summer vacation, so I have time, which naturally means I have absolutely no inspiration or motivation to do what I now have time to do; 2) I went to the Czech Republic and Hungary for 2 weeks (on tour with my choir! Singing in medieval castles and cathedrals! How cool is that?) with no access to the LotR books for reference; 3) I've been occupied with books, summer school, a social life (yes, that is a new acquisition), etc.; 4) I've been writing a bunch of "Inuyasha" and Ender's Game fanfiction, as I'm moving on to new obsessions (but don't worry, I'm still obsessed with LotR!); and 5) I'm a lazy butt. Also sorry it's so short, but this was kind of a taking-care-of-business entry; the long, inspired entries will come a little later. And I'm not giving up on this story (in case you were worried, wondering, whatever), because I still have my inspired entries waiting in the wings!