Disclaimer: I still do not own CSI :(

AN: Another chapter ;) last one about season 4. Wohoo 2 more seasons to write about :) Enjoy this chapter, it's about Bloodlines :)

Thousand thanks to Rhee for being the best beta reader ever!

chapter 14

Okay, this was rock bottom. She could feel his eyes on her from time to time but she tried to ignore it. She pretended to be focused on the lights of the casinos; she pretended to be not there at all. This was so embarrassing!

He stopped the car when the traffic light went red and she could feel that he had turned to her. She closed her eyes and prayed that he wouldn't start talking; she prayed that he would not say anything at all. She shouldn't have agreed when he had offered to take her home, but on the other hand, if she would have told them that she would get home alone, it would have lead to a discussion and in the end he would have insisted on taking her home anyway.

"This is just not you Sara." He broke the silence, his voice sounded dry and sad.

She swallowed hard and looked down on her hands.

"Sara, I did not want to accuse you because of it but Jim told me some time ago that you… that you came to work after you…" He made a long pause. "Sara look at me." He commanded softly.

"Green." She answered shortly.

"What?" But then he realized what she had meant. He started the engine of the car again and they continued their ride in silence.

The next time he stopped was when they had reached her apartment building. She wanted to get out of the car as fast as she could but when she was about to open the car door she felt his hand on her arm. She turned to him and he slipped his fingers around her wrist.

"Sara, we need to talk about this." He told her seriously.

"I don't want to talk." She replied, sounding crabbier than she actually was.

He sighed but did not let go of her wrist. "I'm serious about this Sara. I'm not going to let you leave before we haven'ttalked about this."

She shifted back into her seat and looked at him, she freed her hand from his grasp and crossed her arms over her chest. "I know that I made a mistake, I shouldn't have tried to drive after drinking. But I did not drink much, I thought it would be okay. I was fine."

"Why did you drink?"

"I just had a beer or two with the guys. This was a crappy day and the whole week hadn't been any better. I… I needed to get away from it all." She answered softly.

"But alcohol is not… How often do you drink to 'get away from it all'? Sara…"

"I don't have a drinking problem." She insisted. "If that is what you're thinking." He sighed and reached out for her hand but she pulled away. "I want to sleep. May I go now?"

"Sara, Jim told me that you were primed at a crime scene a couple of weeks ago." He sounded worried and she hated it that he sounded worried. She didn't want him to care.

"I just had two beers with breakfast. Then I was called back in for work. That was it." She snapped at him.

He nodded softly. "I'm just worried."

Great, that only made it worse. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No need to be worried, I'm okay."

"You have pretended to be okay for a long time Sara. And…"

"I am not the one who is pretending anything here."

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean with that?"

"Nothing."

He nodded softly. "I want you to take some time off. Go on paid leave and talk with a P.E.A.P. counselor. Sometimes talking helps."

"Why do you never talk then?" She challenged him.

"I don't have problems." The expression in his eyes was weird and it sent a cold shower down her spine.

"I don't have problems either." She replied.

"I have a question, you don't have to answer it but I want you to think about it." He tried to meet her eyes with his. "Okay?"

She nodded softly. "Okay."

"In the past couple of weeks, how often did you have a couple of beers with breakfast?"

She swallowed hard. She knew the answer. Too often. She brought her hands up to her face and pressed her palms against her cheeks and covered her eyes with her fingers. Suddenly she could feel his hand on her shoulder, he softly squeezed it and she turned to him.

"Take some time off, Sara. You need it. You need to get away from work for a while. You're on the fastest way to burn out at the moment. And I don't want this to happen." His voice sounded so caring. So caring that she was drawn to him again.

"I… I am not burning out."

"Sara, I…" He sighed. "Sara, I am not going to discuss this with you any longer. You are going to take some time off. You have ten weeks on the books; I want you to take at least six weeks off. And we are not going to discuss this either. When I see you at the lab tomorrow I will have to find other solutions for this and you would like these even less." He was speaking slowly and calm, but she could feel how anger rose up in him.

"Why do you feel responsible for this? Why can't you just go on an pretend that you don't care about me, just like you always did?" Suddenly the words started bursting out of her.

He gasped but didn't answer. She waited for a couple of minutes but he didn't say a single word. At some point she just had enough of waiting for his answer. She left the car and headed for the entrance to her apartment building.

When she had reached the entrance door she heard how he threw the door of the car shut behind him and seconds later she could hear his footsteps coming closer. She didn't stop walking, she entered and made her way to the stairs, he was walking faster than she was so he was about to catch up with her. She made her way upstairs to her door and opened it. She waited at the doorstep until he had finally caught up with her. She leaned against the doorframe and bit down on her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry Sara." He confessed.

She raised an eyebrow. "Sorry for what?"

"Everything." He wanted to reach out for her but she turned away and entered her apartment.

He obviously wanted to follow her in but he didn't know whether or not she wanted him to do so. She watched him while she sat down on the sofa. "You won." She said softly. "I'll take some time off and I will talk with the P.E.A.P. counselor, I'll make an appointment tomorrow morning." She had expected to see a content smile on his lips by now but he didn't smile, he looked sad. "You may enter." She told him while she tried to meet his gaze.

He shook his head. "I need to get back to the lab."

"Great, back out of this again." She shook her head unbelieving.

"I'm not backing out of anything." He tried to defend himself.

"You owe me an explanation."

"I had a decision to make Sara and Nick seemed the better choice, I did not mean to hurt you. I know that you are a great CSI, you are one of the best and Nick is not necessarily better, but he seemed to be the better choice."

"That's not what I meant." He raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you want to have dinner with me?" She knew why, but only unofficially. She wanted to know it with him knowing that she knew it.

He was leaning against the doorframe now. He was thinking about what to answer, she could see it by the look in his eyes. They remained in silence for a long time, but she would wait. "I don't know how to explain this to you Sara." He told her after a moment. But she wouldn't let him leave before he hadn't given her the answer she needed.

"I want to know." She insisted.

He sighed and tried to meet her gaze, he tried to apologize with the expression in his eyes but she shook her head. She deserved to know it. "It just wasn't the right time. Not only because of… not only because…" He paused and scratched his head. "I was suffering from otosclerosis. I was going deaf."

Her mouth dropped open, she couldn't believe this, Grissom going deaf? Grissom. "I had the option to either accept the deafness or to have a surgery. A surgery, which had its risks. I had just made the decision to have this surgery when you entered my office. You know I thought that deafness would only add up to the reasons why I couldn't be with you and I didn't know whether or not the surgery would be successful. I was scared. And I didn't want you to worry. And I did not, I did not want you to end up with a deaf guy who... I didn't think it would be fair."

She felt tears rising up in her eyes. She had to do her best to swallow them. "Grissom I… I… I'm sorry. I didn't…"

"No I'm sorry Sara." He told her softly. "Promise me to not drink again, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

He nodded back at her and gave her a soft smile. "We'll see each other in six weeks then." He turned around and was about to leave.

"Griss," She called after him. She hurried to the door, he was already on the stairs but he stopped when he heard her calling out for him. "Thank you, for everything."

He smiled at her and left without saying anything else. His answer hadn't been the answer she had expected to get, but it was a huge sign of trust. Probably no one else knew about this, at least the guys didn't, they wouldn't have been able to keep still about it. But he had told her – her - and he cared for her. He had been worried. Worried because of her.

TBC

I'd love to get some feedback ;)