"Mr. Cohen?"
"Yeah, that's me." Mark says to the doctor.
"I'm Dr. Roberts…you might want to get in there now. He doesn't have much time left." He says sadly.
Mark opens the door to Roger's room. He does seem more drained out. He's still breathing – more like gasping for breath – but he's still unconscious.
"Oh my God…" Joanne mutters under her breath.
Mark stands beside his bed and I take the chair on the opposite side and take one of Roger's hands in mine, I've never tried so hard to hold back my tears.
"Do you guys wanna be alone with him for a couple of minutes? The three of us can stay outside for a bit." Maureen offers.
"If you guys don't mind…" Mark replies softly with sad eyes.
"No problem." Collins whispers as they walk out of the room.
I stay seated looking at Roger. I grip his hand a little tighter and I feel his hand squeeze mine.
"Roger?" I look up to see his eyes start to open.
"Hey guys…" he whispers softly "Where's everybody else?"
"They're outside Rog…how you feelin'?" Mark asks gently.
"I've been better." He laughs weakly. "How are you guys?"
I laugh between my tears "Oh, we're fine…we just want you to get better alright?"
He smiles at me weakly and says, "I think it's almost over for me Meems…I don't think I can hold on much longer."
"Don't say that Roger, you'll get better. Just hang in there, buddy." Mark says to him softly wiping sweat off of Roger's forehead.
"Can you guys get Collins and the others? I wanna see them."
"Sure thing Rog." Mark says as he opens the door to let our three friends in.
"Hey man…you feelin' alright?" Collins asks as he walks over to the bed.
"Hey you guys, I'm glad you're all here." Roger says gently before he starts coughing violently. I got up on the bed, holding him tightly. At that moment, I remembered the times when he used to hold me as I cling to his neck, holding on for dear life. He used to wipe away my tears, whisper gentle words into my ear as he rubs my back. He made the bad feelings go away when I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.
I look around; shadows everywhere. I can't make out anything. I need a fix; it's on my night table, I just need to reach over…where is it? Where's my night table? Where am I? This isn't my apartment…where are my stuff?
"Shh…it'll be okay baby, I'm here." I feel a pair of arms around my body and I hear someone whisper into my ear. I look up at him. Who is this person? And where am I? This isn't my apartment…or… is it? My stash isn't here…maybe I moved the night table earlier? I don't know…I can't think! It's cold…and I can't stop shaking. Just calm down Mimi…breathe…you'll be fine…
"It's me Meems, I'm right here, I'll protect you…" I look at him again, confused. Wait…those eyes…I remember those eyes…I know him, he brought me back before…Angel told me to go back to him…he sang to me…
"Roger?"
"It's alright baby…I won't let anything hurt you, I promise." He says to me gently, holding me tightly and I cling to his neck, shaking uncontrollably.
"Roger…I need a fix…please…I need to make this go away…please Roger…just once, and that'll be it…please!" I whimper. I need a hit…I want out right now…I can't do this anymore.
He shakes his head "Do you want something to drink?" he asks.
"I just need one hit Roger…please…just one…just to make this go away…please…"
"No, Mimi." He says, firmly this time.
"You don't love me! You don't care about me! Or you wouldn't let me go through all this hell!" I cry out, I'm yelling now…but I don't care…I need my stash...
"Mimi, you can do this. Don't give in, it'll be over soon." He whispers in my ear as I struggle in his arms. I'm so tired. I just wanna go to sleep. He holds me tighter and I finally give in; he gently rubs my back and I rest my head on his chest.
"Don't leave me…please…" I softly whisper between sobs.
"I'm not going anywhere baby…I'm not going anywhere…"
"I'll go get the doctor." Joanne said as she quickly ran out the door.
"I'm fine…really…I'm –
His coughing continues and the doctor comes in. "Just keep giving him ice chips…he might not be able to keep water down." He said softly before heading out again. They weren't able to do much. We went through the same thing with Angel, and we pretty much already know the process.
"Thanks for coming here guys. I really appreciate it." Roger quietly says as he squeezes my hand tighter.
"We're glad to be here Roger." Maureen said, giving his forehead a kiss.
He nods and smiles weakly. "I just want you guys to keep going when I'm gone. Alright?"
"We'll be fine Roger, don't worry about us." Collins says gently.
"Can I just talk to Mimi for a few minutes?"
"Sure…we'll be outside." Mark replies as they walk out of the room.
Roger looks at me and smiles. "Are you ok?" he asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine…how are you?" I ask mockingly with a laugh.
He laughs at my remark and kisses my hand softly. "You know my black leather jacket that I always wear?" he asks me.
"Yeah?" I reply, a bit confused.
"You still have it right?"
"Yeah, I think so. Why?"
"I just…there's something there that I needed."
"Oh. Do you want me to go and get it?"
"No, it's a bit too late now anyway." He says with a bit of disappointment in his voice.
"Ok." I say quietly, as I rub his arm.
"Remember your promise ok?"
I look at him again, confused.
"You promised you would get through this. You've been strong throughout this whole thing, and I want you to keep going." He said to me softly.
I look away, trying to hold back the tears yet again. He tugs at my hand. "Mimi…promise me."
"I promise…" I said gently. Nodding, his eyes shut peacefully and the grip on my hand loosened.
In a panicked choke, I quickly get up from where I was sitting "Roger?" No! This isn't happening! "Wake up baby. Please Roger, wake up!" I yell as Mark and the others run into the room.
"Meems? What's going on?"
"He's not waking up Mark! Help me!" I cry out, still looking at my beloved's weak and frail body.
"Mimi, he's gone." He says, pulling me away.
"No! He's not gone! Get the doctor! They can still save him!"
I can feel the others' staring at me, not knowing what to do.
"Meems, there's nothing they can do." Collins says pulling me into his arms.
"Let me go! He's still fine…" I dissolve into body wracking tears, holding my face into my hands. "He can't be dead…we were suppose to have a future together." I cry silently. I sob his name over and over again until every last ounce of strength in me is gone.
I feel Maureen and Joanne kneel down on either side of me and rub my back. "It's alright sweetie. He's not in anymore pain."
Mark helps me up and pulls me into his arms. "Shh…it'll be okay. He's fine now…" I nod my head, and he tightens his arms around me. I look up at him and I see tears rolling down his cheeks and it only makes me cry harder seeing him that way.