Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: So, first chapter about season 5 :) I think there will be about 11 more chapters after this one, maybe even 15, I didn't decide that yet.

many many many thanks to Rhee for beta reading! you're the best, thank you so much for your wonderful suggestions!

Enjoy this chap, I don't know if I did really well on it though :S ; this chap is about Viva Las Vegas.

chapter 15

She really felt better, Grissom had been right; she had been close to a burn out. The time away from work, away from everyone including him, had really helped her. She had been able to think it all through. She had been able to make decisions; she wouldn't work so much anymore, she would take some time off from work, she would stop seeking for validation through him, she would do her job as good as she always had without doing it for his validation.

She would try to accept that he didn't want anything more than a friendship with her, it would be difficult but she had to accept it for her own sake. The fact that he had shown her that he cared for her - that he cared a lot for her - had at first boosted her hopes that he would finally confess that he had feelings for her, but after a couple of conversations with her P.E.A.P Counselor she had realized that she needed to accept that he would never be ready for that. She had to accept that maybe he didn't have feelings for her at all, that he did not feel for her what she felt for him. She would try to do that, she had made a promise to herself that she would never again let herself get so close to rock bottom because of him.

At first the conversations with the P.E.A.P Counselor had felt weird, she had never told anyone about her feelings, her fears, her problems and her past, but after a couple of hours it had started to relieve her. For the first time in her life she had really felt relieved. Grissom had been right when he had told her that talking would help her to deal with her problems. Talking helped more than drinking had. She knew that now. And she knew that she did not have a drinking problem. Yes she had been drinking too much, but she had a problem with herself, not with controlling her alcohol consume.

Her problems had not disappeared but now she knew that there were solutions and ways to deal with them. Maybe one day she would really be able to solve all her problems, this day still seemed to be far away, but she knew that it would come. She had to take one step after another.

Her P.E.A.P Counselor had told her that she should tell her supervisor about her past. She had told her that she should ask him to not assign her for domestic violence cases for a while, at least until she had found back to her usual professionalism. Sara had tried to talk with Grissom about it, she had even rehearsed her 'speech' in front of a mirror but when she had wanted to talk with him she had suddenly felt as if it wasn't necessary anymore. She was back at the lab, in the company of her colleagues and friends; she had felt safe as soon as they had been around her, it had felt like coming home and this home felt safe. She hadn't felt the need to tell him anymore. It had been a busy night anyway, they wouldn't have had the time to really talk and she would need time to open up to him about her past.

At some point she would talk about it with him but at the moment she felt fine. Her first day at work had really been good so far, the case had kind of thrilled her and she and Nick had had a good time. She had enjoyed seeing him again, he was like a brother to her and his jokes had always managed to cheer her up.

She had missed the guys, even Greg. Although he sometimes annoyed her; he was cute. She had also missed Grissom, had missed him much more than the others, even though she had told herself that she shouldn't miss him. She had also tried to tell herself that she should think less about him but it had taken her a while until she had been able to stick to her resolutions.

The time off had been good for her. At first it had felt weird to spend so much time at home, to spend so much time away from work. It had taken her some time to get used to it. She had never slept more than four or five hours per night, always telling herself that she did not need much sleep. When she now had finally had the time to sleep she had used it. Being well rested was a new experience, it felt amazing. She had realized that she needed to take better care of herself, two or three hours more sleep worked real wonders, especially when she did not dream of Grissom. She hadn't dreamed of him for a couple of nights now, first she had been surprised about it, now it already felt normal and she didn't even notice it anymore. Maybe she could really manage to see him as a friend and to stop wanting more from him. It would be a long way but it would hopefully be worth it.

Even though she had promised herself to not think of him anymore she couldn't help but be thankful that he had told her to take some time off everyday. She didn't want to imagine where she would be now if he hadn't been there for her after the DUI. She probably would have continued drinking, she would have continued working double shift after double shift, she would have continued thinking that she wasn't able to solve her problems anyway. Grissom had saved her, even though she knew that he wouldn't have noticed that she was suffering if she wouldn't have been pulled over for the DUI. He had saved her nevertheless. Even though it had been his behavior which had hurt her so much that she had felt as if drinking would be her only option to deal with her pain, it had been her - stupid - decision to start drinking. He wasn't to blame for that. It had been her decision, her fault. She knew that now.

"Hey Sara." Nick ripped her out of her thoughts.

"Hey." She looked up for a second and then pretended to be occupied with the evidence.

"I'm not criticizing you but an hour ago you told me that you'd lift the prints and as far as I can see," He glanced over the table. "You did not really get a lot of it done yet."

Sara bit down on her bottom lip and shrugged. "I got distracted."

Nick raised an eyebrow and then sighed playfully. "You know Sar, when you need help with lifting the prints you could simply ask me."

"I don't need help, it's not that much."

"No I meant that you maybe need help refreshing your skills a little." He grinned.

Sara shot an annoyed look at him. Then she carefully lifted a print from the evidence, while he observed her proceeding. She grinned and turned to him when she had perfectly managed to lift it. "No need to refresh anything."

Nick smirked but then became serious again. "Why didn't you tell us that you had planned to take some time off?"

"Because I hadn't planned it." She shrugged, then lifted another print. "It was a very spontaneous decision."

"Really. Why?"

So Grissom didn't tell them. She would have to thank him for that at some point. She had expected that everybody would know what had happened when she'd return, not that she didn't trust Grissom but in fact she hadn't asked him to keep it a secret. She should at least let her friends know half of the truth though. She didn't like lying to them but she wasn't proud of what had happened and she didn't want everyone to know about it. "Grissom talked me into it."

"Grissom managed to convince you to take some time off?" Nick asked unbelieving. "Gosh, you still have a crush on him, don't you?"

TBC

some feedback would be nice ;)