It's been almost a month since Roger died, about 21 days since his funeral. I've been staying at the loft, and sometimes I go to Maureen and Jo's. I try not to talk about it with anyone, it hurts too much and I couldn't say two words before I start crying my eyes out.
"Are you sure you're gunna be alright sleeping here tonight? You can stay at our place however long you want." Joanne tells me sincerely, as she helps me unpack my stuff in my apartment.
"I'll be fine Jo. I can't run away from this place forever." I say as I start putting my clothes into my dresser.
"Fine, just call if you need anything. I'll be at work all day but Maureen should be home. And if she's not, just call Mark's place, if Mark's not there, Collins should be there and don't forget to take your AZT–
"Joanne!" I grab hold of her arm to get her to stop talking. "I'll be fine, and besides, Mark's right upstairs, I'll go up there if I need anything but I doubt it. So get to work, you're gunna be late."
"Alright. I'll call you later tonight." She says with a sigh.
"Ok, thank you." I said as I lead her out of my apartment. "Have a good time at work, sweetie." I say sarcastically.
"I'll see you later Meems." She gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and walks out the door.
I look around at my apartment and gave a sigh. I haven't moved anything in this stupid place. I couldn't put myself up for it; there are still some of Roger's clothes from when he used to spend most of his nights here. I pick up his black leather jacket that he used to wear all the time and brought it up to my chest. I remember him saying there was something in the pocket that he needed. I go in the pocket and take out a little velvet box. I stare at it for a moment and suddenly burst into tears. I can't even open it…this was what he was planning to do. I rush upstairs to the loft and open the door.
"Mark!" I yell, not sure what exactly I was doing up here. I see him sitting on the couch with a coffee in hand.
"What?" he looks up at me confused.
"What is this?" I hold up the little box with tears in my eyes.
"Oh my God…" he whispers, putting his head down.
"Did you know he was gunna do this?" I ask him forcefully. He says nothing but just keeps his face in his hands.
"Why didn't you tell me, Mark! Why didn't you tell me he was gunna do this!" I cry out as I drop on the cold floor, still clutching the little velvet box in my hand.
I feel him put his arms around me and hold me tightly. "I didn't know he was gunna go through with it, Mimi. He told me he wanted to ask you to marry him but that was it. He was rushed to the hospital the next day. I didn't think anything of it, I didn't know he already got a ring." He says to me sadly. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way."
Nothing comes out but quiet sobs from my lips. "Do you want anything to drink?" he offers, helping me up.
"No, I should get back downstairs. I've still gotta unpack my stuff." I say quietly as I start wiping tears off my face. He nods his head and walks me to my apartment downstairs.
"Are you gunna be alright, Mimi? I can stay here with you if you want." he tells me.
"No, it's alright…I'll be ok." He nods as he puts his arms around me and gently kisses my forehead. "I'll be upstairs ok? Just come up if you need anything." He says softly. "Thanks Mark." I whisper before I close the door.
I can't sleep. I slowly get up from my bed and open my dresser where I put the velvet box that I found earlier. I sit on my bed and stare at the little box, dry-eyed and tight-lipped. I can't believe he was gunna ask me to marry him. I waited for that moment my whole life, and now, it's gone. I look around at my apartment. I hate it. I hate it all. I start to feel my eyes start to burn with tears. I pick up my coat and head outside.
"Damn." It's raining. Ugh, as if I'm not depressed enough. I put my hands in my pockets to warm them up and start to wonder where exactly I was going. It's 3:00 in the morning and it's raining…where am I supposed to go?
"Who the hell would knock on our door at 3:00 in the morning?" I hear Maureen yell inside.
"Guys, it's me." I say, as I knock on the door.
"Mimi?" Joanne's voice, and yet, the door's still not open.
"Yeah, can you guys open up? I'm freezing."
The door opens and Maureen hugs me tightly. "Honey, you're drenched! What are you doing here?" she asks me disbelievingly. Joanne puts a warm towel around me and leads me to the living room.
"I couldn't sleep…I'm sorry. I should've called." I say softly, a little embarrassed.
"No sweetie, you never have to call. You can come here whenever you want." Maureen says as she rubs my arm. Joanne hands me a shirt and a pair of sweat pants.
"Here, you're gunna get sick if you stay in those wet clothes." She tells me gently.
"Thanks guys." I head to the bathroom and changed.
"So…" Joanne starts as I get out of the bathroom. "What?" I ask her trying to sound as confused as I could.
"What's up?" she asks as I plop down on the couch between them.
"Nothing…and you?" I say sarcastically.
She laughs at my comment and finally gives in. "What's going on Meems? Anything you wanna tell us?" Now it's Maureen's turn to interrogate me.
"Umm…I was going through Roger's jacket and I found this." I take out the velvet box and put it down on the table in front of us. I look at them both, and their eyes widened at the sight of it. "Yeah." I say quietly.
"He was gunna propose?" Joanne asks still not taking her eyes off of the thing. "Mark told me Roger was thinking about asking me, but he didn't know Roger already got a ring. He didn't have the chance to ask me cause he was rushed to the hospital the next day…and I didn't visit him until the day he –
I stop there. I couldn't go on, the tears start instantly without any build up. All of a sudden, they just start rolling down my face and I'm gasping for air.
"I'm so sorry Meems." Maureen says as she puts her arms around me, and Joanne wipes away my tears as she rubs my back. "Do you wanna stay here tonight? I don't have to wake up early tomorrow. We can watch movies and eat popcorn and we can go shopping tomorrow, sound good?" she offers with a smile.
I nod my head and laugh between tears. "That would be great Jo." I say giving her a kiss on the cheek, and then Maureen. "I don't know how I would get by without you guys. Thanks." I tell them truthfully.
We spend the next few hours watching The Wizard of Oz on TV since it was the only movie on, which was completely weird seeing as no decent kid would be up this late…or early in the morning for that matter. But Maureen enjoyed it; she says that the Wicked Witch of the West is her favorite character, which doesn't surprise me one bit. Maureen always loved having power over people.
"And like, I don't get why everyone hates her, she just wants what's best for the city of Oz…I think she's just misunderstood." She points out with an "as-a-matter-of-fact" tone in her voice. Joanne and I laugh at her comment and continue watching the movie.
"Meems, I'm sorry to bring this up…but have you looked at the ring since you found it?" Maureen asks me, as we get ready to go out for our day of shopping. Joanne was in the shower while Mo and I sat on the couch sipping coffee.
"Ummm, no I haven't. I couldn't put myself up for it, but I guess I should take a look shouldn't I?" I said as I pick up the little box.
"Well…I mean…if you want to." She says sounding a little uncomfortable. I open the box and I could feel my throat start to burn and my eyes start to tear up. It was a gold band with a diamond in the middle and two other small diamonds on each side. This is what I wanted…and he remembered.
"So what do you wanna do tonight?" he asks me as we walk hand in hand down the street.
"I don't know, we could go –
I stop at a store with a big glass window showing beautiful necklaces and rings.
"What?" he asks as he stops walking.
"Hmm? Oh, sorry. I just…" I begin to say but couldn't finish. That ring…it was so beautiful.
"That one?" he asks pointing at it. "You like that one?"
"It's gorgeous, don't you think?" I say, still not taking my eyes off of it. "It must be really expensive though, huh?" I smile, as I start to walk off.
"One day Meems, you'll be wearing that ring on your finger." He says with a smile.
I laugh at his remark. "Well, don't try and rob a jewelry store for me now, Davis. I don't think you'd last two days in a jail cell."
"Yes I could!" he cries out sounding like a 7-year-old. "Come on Roger, there are no mirrors in a jail cell. You'd die without looking at your hair for more than 2 hours." I say teasingly.
He stops and thinks about this for a few seconds and says, "Maybe you're right Meems, living with no heat and going on for days without food I can take…but…no mirrors? No thanks."
We both laugh and continue our way down the street with the streetlights glowing down at us.
"What's wrong Meems?" Maureen asks as she sits down beside me.
"This ring…it was just what I wanted…and he remembered." Here come the tears.
"What?" she asks me sounding confused.
"It was about 3 months ago." I begin as I wipe the warm tears away from my eyes, "I told him this was the ring I wanted…and he remembered." Maureen leans closer to me and looks at the ring in the box.
"Mimi. It's gorgeous!" she says with a gasp. "How was he able to afford this?"
"I have no idea." I say softly, not really sure if I really wanna know the answer