Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: okay, I was looking forward to write this chapter and the next one ever since I started this fic, so I hope you'll like it.

thousand thanks to Rhee for being such a great beta reader!

(the next chapters will be: Committed, Grave Danger, Bodies in Motion, Gum Drops, A Bullet Runs Through It 2, Daddy's Little Girl, Kiss-Kiss Bye-Bye, Pirates of the Third Reich, I Like to Watch, Rashomama, Time ofYour Death and Way to Go) - edited because kiss-kiss bang-bang is a movie and not a CSI ep :lol:

chapter 18

At some point the tears stopped running over her cheeks, but she was still sobbing, shaking like a leaf while he held her hand, being her last blade of grass. He ran his thumb over her fingers and squeezed her hand from time to time, telling her that it was okay to cry, that it was okay to let it all out.

Eventually she stopped sobbing. She looked up and stared at points in the room which did not exist. At some point she left her seat and looked over to him. The expression in his eyes let another wave of tears rise up in her eyes. He knew how she felt; he could feel her pain and his eyes told her that it also hurt him, that her past hurt him.

She took a deep breath and tried to suppress the tears. "Can I get you anything now?" She asked with weak voice.

"Tell me what you want and I'll get it for you." He told her softly, squeezing her hand again, caressing her with his thumb.

She shook her head. "No it's okay… I need to calm down." She replied not able to look at him anymore, the worried, concerned expression in his eyes broke her heart. She let go off his hand and wanted to leave.

But Grissom wouldn't let her leave. He stood up and placed his hands on her upper arms. "Sara let me do that for you." His voice sounded so caring, so caring that she couldn't hold back her tears anymore.

She started crying and her whole body started to shake again. She tried to meet his gaze but when their eyes met she couldn't stand it. She covered her eyes with her hand, not trying to suppress her despair anymore.

Grissom carefully pulled her close to him, slowly slipping his arms around her upper body.

Overwhelmed by this sudden closeness to him she gasped softly when she felt his hand on the back of her head. His fingers buried themselves into her hair while she let her head drop against his.

While his one hand was occupied with holding her head close against the side of his, his other hand caressed her back with long diagonal strokes from her right shoulder down to her left hip and back to her shoulder again. "It's okay Sara. Let it all out." He whispered softly into her ear.

His words made her sob harder, she couldn't support her weight alone any longer so she leaned into his embrace and twined her one arm around his neck while she was still covering her face with her other hand.

He tightened his embrace around her. "It's okay, Honey."

After a long time she calmed down, slowly the sobs got weaker. She let her hand slip off her face and down to his shoulder, holding herself close to him. She tried to regain control over herself but at first it did not really work.

When he realized that she had stopped crying he slowly pulled away from her, not loosening his grip around her body though. The hand, which had been holding her head, now slipped to her face, he wiped away her tears with his thumb and then let it rest on her right cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered almost inaudible but she knew that he understood her.

The expression in his eyes told her how shocked and touched he was, how worried and concerned. And it showed her how much he cared for her, how much he felt for her. This one expression told her all the things that she had been needing to hear in the last year. And it eased her pain that he was there, there for her, that he was holding her without backing out of it, that he was comforting her as well as he could.

He sighed and softly brushed his thumb over her lips. "I wish I would have known before, I should have been there for you."

She sobbed once again but managed to bear down the need to cry. "Somehow I… I always wanted to tell you because… because I just wanted you to know." She managed to tell him after a while. "But on the other hand I did not want you to know." He nodded and she knew that he understood and the dilemma she had been in.

She just couldn't hold herself up on her feet any more, slowly she let herself sink down on the sofa, he steadied her while she did so. He kneeled down where she was sitting and let his hands slip over her arms to her wrists. "I'll make you some tea." He told her softly.

She did not tell him that she didn't want any tea. The fact that he wanted to take care of her and comfort her so much; she didn't want him to think that she did not appreciate it.

He squeezed her hands and then stood up. "Any preferences?" He tilted his head. "Mint, fennel, chamomile, valerian?"

He was so cute; she had never expected him to be like this. This was a different side of him, a caring Grissom. "I only have fennel and valerian."

"Valerian might be the better choice, it will calm you down and help you to get some rest." He slowly let go of her hands and made his way to the kitchen.

While she heard him rummaging her kitchen cabinets for the tea she leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes for a while. Even though the last hour had brought back all the memories of her painful past, it had relieved her that she had finally been able to tell him about it. And crying had also felt relieving.

When he returned he handed her a cup and let himself drop down next to her on the sofa. He slipped his arm around her back while she was taking a couple of sips of the tea. She enjoyed the warm feeling that his hand created on her back. She sighed softly and turned to face him.

He gave her a comforting smile. "Feeling better already?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. Thank you." She put the cup down on the table. "I've never told anyone about my family." She confessed. "Except for my P.E.A.P. Counselor."

He bit down on his lip, not knowing how to reply. She didn't need him to reply, she didn't need him to say anything at all, his presence was all she needed. She hoped that he would understand how much it meant to her that he knew about her past now. "I always thought that people would see me differently when they'd find out about it. So I never mentioned it."

"Sometimes we fear to let others in on our darkest secrets." He told her softly.

"Because we fear that they'd not be able to accept us anymore and when they'd pull away from us then it would hurt, it would hurt more than anything else ever could." She added. He nodded in agreement.

They remained in silence for a while. But then she remembered the reason why he was here. "I… I will stop by at the lab and clear my locker tomorrow." She told him with a sad tone in her voice.

"You're not fired."

Surprised she turned to him again. "But I thought Ecklie sent you here to fire me."

He shook his head. "Ecklie told me to fire you, but I came here because I wanted to be there for you."
Her heart was beating up to her throat by now. He came here because he had wanted to be there for her!

"You're not fired. I won't fire you and if Ecklie wants you to be fired then he needs to fire me first." He pulled her close to him so that her shoulder was leaning against his chest.

He was risking it all, he was putting his job, his career on the line, he was risking everything he had ever worked for, because of her, for her.

TBC

some feedback would be nice ;)