Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Finally the post Committed chap, I was looking forward to write it for so long :) I hope it was worth it.

Thousand thanks to Rhee for beta reading!

chapter 19

She couldn't sleep, as much as she tried to finally get some rest, it didn't work. Whenever she closed her eyes she could see that look in Adam's eyes again and it sent ice cold showers down her spine. It wasn't that she was still scared, it was more… no she really couldn't make out what it was exactly, it was creeping her out.

Suddenly there was a sound, a knocking sound, someone was knocking on her door. She swallowed hard, who was that? Who would knock on her door at this time? Maybe one of the guys? She really wasn't in the mood to see them now, she didn't want to have to explain anything to anyone, she didn't want to have to tell them that she was okay over and over again, she didn't want to hear their questions about how she felt.

The person knocked again. She slowly sat up and turned on the light on her bedside table.

"Sara? Sara, are you there?" She could hear him calling. Grissom, what is Grissom doing here? She left her bed and made her way to the door.

She opened the door and she was startled about how he looked. His clothes were crumpled, his hair was a mess, there were dark circles around his eyes and they were bloodshot. She swallowed hard and stared at him, stared at him for a long moment before she remembered to ask him in.

He entered hesitantly and let his eyes wander over her body, it made her shiver and she wondered why he was staring at her like that. He seemed to be a little confused; at least he wasn't as calm as she was used to.

After a moment he found his words back. "Are you okay?" He sounded worried and Sara sensed why he was here.

She nodded. "I'm still a little unsettled, but I'll be fine." She gave him a soft smile. But he didn't smile back and this worried her. "What about you? Are you okay?" He slightly shook his head. She swallowed hard and reached out for his cheek. "What's wrong?" She softly ran her thumb over his cheekbone.

"I almost lost you, that's what's wrong." The words rushed out of him. And he looked even more sad and upset now. He started shaking and fought with himself for the last bit of self-control that he had left.
Slowly she stepped closer to him until her body almost touched his. She slipped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into her embrace. A sigh escaped from his mouth when he leaned himself against her.

Suddenly he twined his arms around her waist and pressed her close to him, holding on to her tightly. He was shaking violently by now and he was almost unable to hold himself up on his feet. "I… I… Sara, I…" He stammered, not able to form a complete sentence, let alone make sense of it.

"Shhh, everything is okay." She whispered softly, running her hands over his shoulders and then to the back of his head; she tried to calm him down but didn't succeed.

"Nothing, nothing is okay." He tightened his grasp around her body, holding on to her as if he was endlessly scared that someone would take her away from him. "Nothing is okay Sara." He leaned his head against hers, his lips brushing over her earlobe, his breath resounding in her ears. "I thought he was going to kill you." He told her with shaking voice and suddenly a sob escaped him.

Sara carefully pulled away from him and framed his face with her hands. She made him look at her and gave him a soft smile. "I am okay, everything is fine." She told him softly.

He sucked in a deep breath but he was shaking so hard that the deep breath turned into a couple of small gasps. Then he loosened his embrace around her and slipped his hands up her sides to her shoulders and from there over her arms to her hands. He covered her small soft hands with his big and cold ones and closed his eyes. He held her hands in place while he tried to calm himself down.

She began to freeze and couldn't suppress the little shivers that ran through her. Grissom slowly let go of her hands, took off his jacket and wrapped it around her body. She couldn't help but smirk about the cute gesture. He softly smiled at her and pulled her into a warm embrace. She snuggled against his chest while he buried his face into her hair. She could feel how he deeply inhaled the scent of her shampoo and a soft smile built up on her lips.

After a long time Grissom broke the silence. "When I saw you down there on the ground, held down by that psychopath with the ceramic thing pressed against your throat. I… I thought he would, you know, I thought that in the next second he…he would cut your throat. I was so scared I could barely move… I thought I'd loose you… and you, you were so… I…" He started shaking again.

She knew what he was trying to tell her, she gently rubbed her hands over his upper arms. "But you didn't loose me. I'm here. I'll always be here." She whispered into his ear, then pulled away and gave him a warm smile.

He sighed softly, slowly calming down. He returned her smile and ran his hand through her hair. "Sara I… I was such an idiot all the time." He confessed. "I thought I would have all the time in the world to explain to you why I have been such an asshole for all these years. I thought I would have enough time left to think about the right words to say. But tonight I realized that," He took a deep breath. "Tonight I realized that I wasted too much time already and… and I realized that I will never find the right words, words that would make all this up to you. All I can do is apologize and ask you to forgive me and hope that you… and hope that you still…that you are still able and willing to forgive me."

She really didn't know what to think. She had been waiting for this to happen for so long, but now she really didn't know what to do. The possibility of loosing her had opened his eyes, but what if he would regret all this tomorrow? As much as she had wanted this to happen, she couldn't risk getting hurt again.

He must have noticed that she was having doubts. He had reached under her chin and had turned her face to him. "Sara, I mean it. I'm sorry for everything I did to you…" His hand was shaking. "Sara…"

"Griss I… " She spluttered. "I… I'm… not sure… I… you…" She pulled away from him and walked over to her sofa. She took a seat and sighed. "You'll regret this tomorrow."

"No Sara I won't." He was appalled and walked over to her. "Sara, I won't regret this."

She looked up to him, not knowing what to feel. She wanted to believe him so much but their past had burned her. He tended to regret those actions which had been triggered by sudden impulses; she couldn't let her heart get broken again, as much as she wanted to believe him. At the moment she didn't know if she could. Not today, not after what had happened to her today.

"Sara I…" He whispered softly. "Sara I swear that I am not going to regret this." He sat down next to her and took her hand into his. "Sara, I love you."

She shook her head. "Don't say that." She pleaded. She didn't want to hear this now. Not now. "Please don't say that."

TBC

please tell me what you thought about this chapter :)