Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: okay, I think this is one of my favorite chapters... it's getting a bit fluffy here maybe, but after 20 chapters it needed to get a bit fluffy, didn't it?

Many many thanks to Rhee for beta reading, you are the best.

Chapter 20

As she had watched the ambulance driving away she had barely managed to suppress her tears. She wasn't a religious person but in that moment she had prayed to God that Nick would make it. Greg, Brass and Ecklie had left a couple of minutes later and that had left her and Grissom alone at the nursery. He had turned to her and she had been able to see how stressed out he had been. Then she had cried. Silently the tears had been running down her cheeks and she had made no effort to wipe them away. Grissom had stared at her but she had tried to ignore it. In the last weeks since she had been attacked they had both behaved as if nothing had ever happened, she had known that tonight neither of them would be able to do so.

"I'll take you home." He had whispered softly and had reached out for her hand. She hadn't objected. She had taken his hand and let him lead her to his car. And when he had told her that he would escort her to the entrance of her apartment she hadn't objected either. Neither had she objected when he had slipped his arms around her and had pulled her close to him, when he had kissed her and touched her, when he had entered her apartment with her, when he had slipped his hands under her shirt, when he had taken off her clothes, when he had laid her down on her bed and when he had made love to her.

This time she had believed him when he had told her that he loved her. Not that anything had changed in the last weeks, she had just not been able to resist any longer.

He was asleep, lying on his back, naked, in her bed. She was lying on her side, her head resting on his shoulder, her one arm lying under his head, her other arm lying on his chest. Absent-mindedly she traced a circle around his nipple with her thumb, over and over again. She didn't know if she had done the right thing, but so far it felt pretty damn right. She had waited too long for this to regret it now.

She inhaled the mixture of his scent and his sweat and the scent of their lovemaking. She snuggled closer against him and brushed her lips over his skin. She closed her eyes and recalled the happenings of the last hours. She recalled the way he had looked at her, asking her for permission; she recalled how he had been running his hands over her skin and how amazing it had felt; she recalled how he had finally released all those feelings which had been cumulating themselves inside of her; she recalled how he had kissed her fist gently, then passionately and then demanding, praying her to allow him in, not only into her apartment but into her life, because he was ready, finally ready.

She smiled softly, then let her tongue slip out between her lips and licked over his salty skin. Suddenly she felt him chuckle under her and she smirked. "How long have you been awake?" She asked him softly.

"A while." He replied with a smile on his lips. He turned onto his side and ran his hand over her arm and then let it slip down to her hip. He softly kissed her on the tip of her nose and caused her to giggle. He made her feel like the twenty-three year old girl again.

"Are you also going to regret this?" She asked after a moment, knowing that no matter what his answer would be, she would believe him. If he would answer with a 'yes' then it would break her heart but she would have to learn to deal with it, if he would answer with a 'no' then she would believe him and never question anything that would ever happen between them again. Never before had they been as honest with each other as in this night, she would believe and trust into this honesty.

"I never regretted the first time either." He told her while he brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear.

She sighed softly and traced the contour of his chin with her lips. "So you're not going to back out of this?"

"I'm not going to back out of this." He promised.

"Good." She whispered. "Because I am really not in the mood to get my heart broken again."

"Shouldn't you have asked me these questions before we ended up in bed then?" He asked and chuckled.

She grinned. "Yes, but I was too occupied with something else."

They remained in silence for a while and she had already thought that he had fallen asleep, but then he spoke up again. "Why didn't you believe me when I told you that I love you?"

She huddled closer against him and nestled her face into the spot between the pillow, his face and his arm. Then she began to nibble on his earlobe, causing him to smile.

He ran his hand over her shoulder and upper arm, gently caressing her. She knew that he was still waiting for an answer and she knew that he deserved one, just like she had deserved answers to her questions.

Still waiting for her answer a couple of minutes later he softly nudged her upper arm and rolled her on her back. "Why?" He whispered.

"You had just realized what you had when you were about to loose it. You've had me for years but never cared a damn until you almost lost me. I thought this realization would not last for a long period of time, because usually that's what always happens when it comes to you and me." He was leaning over her by now and she let her hand travel over his chest. "I just tried to protect myself from another broken heart."

"I never realized what an asshole I could be until I realized what I have done to you in all these years." He slipped his hand over her stomach. "I asked you to forgive me… do you think that…"

"You wouldn't be here tonight if I hadn't already forgiven you." She interrupted him with a light smile on her lips.

He sighed and kissed her on her forehead while he brushed the backs of his fingers over her arm. "It really wouldn't have worked back then Sara. I know that you thought that you could have been happy but believe me, it wouldn't have been that way. I had to change and you had to change, otherwise we never would have had a real chance."

"Maybe." She replied after a moment. "But we'll never find out. Maybe it's better when we live in the future."

"You know that we will have to find a way to keep this a secret do you, because …"

She silenced him with her lips. When she pulled away again she smiled softly. "When I said future I meant everything from tomorrow morning on. We will worry about all that tomorrow. The future is not running away from us." She stiffled a yawn. "I'm tired." She sighed.

He nodded in agreement and slipped his arm around her, tightening his grasp when she snuggled up against his chest with her back. "Sleep well." He whispered into her ear.

She smiled to herself. "You too." She replied softly, allowing her eyes to slide closed, drifting off into a deep sleep.

TBC

please leave me a comment :)