PERSONAL JOURNAL ENTRY
6-18-06
I probably shouldn't find it so damn cute. And if it happened more often I probably wouldn't. In fact, I shouldn't find it cute…ever.
John Sheppard defended me from the Big Bad Wolf.
Woolsey isn't all that, truthfully. At least I don't think he is. But still, and like I told John, it is the thought that counts.
Just to be clear: I DO NOT need John to defend me. I'm a big girl and he damn well knows it. You don't make it as a world renowned diplomat if every ten minutes you need to hide behind your man. Okay, I could have phrased that better. John isn't my man. In fact…I'll just move on.
If I absolutely had to I could give Woolsey and the IOC a brawl. Find something in their character or past that I could use against them. Because I have no intention of giving up Atlantis. And kitty will use her claws if necessary. While I don't usually like hitting below the belt, it isn't beneath me to do so.
But anyway, I didn't…son of a bitch. I don't know how to say it. But I didn't think John would defend me. That sounds strange to say. The man has more than a touch of chivalry in him.
Because I'm not even sure I can classify us as friends. Not in the traditional sense anyway. We don't hang out. Or get together off hours. Even though on a couple occasions he's tried to get me to join on Movie Night. Or Game Night for a little drinking and gambling. I've always found an excuse not to attend and he's never pressed the issue.
We're colleagues. Familiar acquaintances. Familiar enough for flirtation. Which for me is strange. I've never intentionally flirted with someone I work with. Much less someone under me. Ooh…I should probably rephrase that too.
I could pass it off as retroactive gratefulness. John Sheppard isn't a stupid man. He knows I'm the reason he still has his job and that LtC promotion. Could be he felt the need to return the favor. I defended his position. He defends mine. All even.
But that wouldn't explain the emotion in his voice. The fire in his eyes. John was genuinely pissed Woolsey was questioning my leadership. Odd, since John's done that on numerous occasions.
Why has this affected me so much? I don't need him to defend me. So why the hell am I so tickled that he did? Why should having a man defend me produce such a warm feeling in my chest? I could kill my inner Damsel in Distress right now. Because again, I sure as hell don't need my Second in Command defending my honor. And if he does it again? Kitty. Claws. And he'll need a shitload of Bactine.
God. This is the last thing I need to be thinking about. I should go to my room and lock my inner Damsel away in a dark tower deep within the recesses of my mind. Right. That's exactly why I'll do.
Because next time John Sheppard tries to defend my honor I want to have a more appropriate reaction due to an enlightened and empowered woman in my position.
And not the urge to jump his bones.