Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Many many thanks to Rhee for beta reading! This chapter is post 608... it was really difficult to write it because I was afraid that it might get too similar to my post 608 one shot fic... so I hope I did a good job :)

Chapter 23

When she finally heard how he unlocked the door and entered the weight dropped off her shoulders. She had really been worried; she knew how stressed out he had been and how upset he was because he had to tell his best friend that it had been him who had killed Officer Bell.

She climbed out of the bed and headed for the hallway. When she had reached it she heard him in the kitchen so she continued walking and eventually saw him, or parts of him since he was rummaging the fridge and its door hid most of him.

She leaned against the kitchen counter, supporting her weight on her arms. She didn't say anything, only watched how he stared into the fridge. At some point he finally closed it and noticed her. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up." He said hoarsely.

"You didn't." She gave him a soft smile.

He sighed and opened a bottle of water, throwing the cap on the counter. She tried to meet his gaze but gave up after a moment, he was really upset. She reached for the cap and started toying with it, not knowing what else to do. She knew that he didn't like it when she got too close to him when he was stressed out, so she wouldn't try to calm him down unless he'd ask her to.

He downed the water and then threw the bottle at the trash can, missing it by a couple of inches. Sara walked over to the trash can to pick up the bottle but he reached out for her arm and stopped her. "Don't."

She sighed softly, trying to free her arm but he didn't let go of her. "Griss…" She groaned softly.

Then their gazes met and she knew that this time he wasn't just upset. This time it was different. She tried to read from his expression what he needed now, did he need her to comfort him? Did he want to be alone? He wouldn't still be holding her arm if he'd want to be alone, would he? She took a deep breath and slowly placed her free hand on his cheek.

He closed his eyes and let out a breath. "I don't know what was worse, telling Jim that he shot officer Bell or telling a father that his son was shot because some bastard wanted to steal his bike."

She caressed his cheek with her thumb and he leaned his face into her touch until his lips met up with her wrist. "It was an accident and Jim knows that." She told him with soft voice. "He's not to blame."

"I know, but… he was… he was so sure that it had been Sofia who shot Bell, he really… I think he never thought about the possibility that it might have been him." He let go of her arm and turned away from her. "He was so shocked… and I was so helpless because I couldn't help my best friend out of this."

"There was nothing you could have done. I mean you couldn't cover it up, that… that wouldn't have done anyone a favor."

He sighed and leaned back against the counter. They remained in silence for a moment before he began to speak again. "She's pregnant, Bell's wife." He said, looking at her.

"I know." She replied softly and looked down to the ground, she knew she wouldn't be able to raise up a child alone, leave alone make it through a pregnancy without the man she loved by her side.

"I could never forgive myself if I would have destroyed a family like that." He whispered.

Sara swallowed hard, not knowing what to reply. She knew what he meant, she was sure that she wouldn't be able to look at herself in the mirror again if she would ever take a life.

He gently pulled her into his arms and leaned his head against hers while his hands slipped over her back. "Children shouldn't have to grow up without their…" He paused, obviously not knowing whether or not he should continue his sentence.

She knew what he had been about to say. She couldn't help but find it incredibly cute of him that he was afraid to hurt her feelings or to remind her of her not so happy childhood with his comment. She pulled away from him a bit, letting her eyes meet his. She gave him a soft, encouraging smile, telling him that it was okay for her, that she was fine.

"My father died when I was nine." He suddenly told her. They had never talked about his father. Once he had told her that his parents' names were Arthurand Victoria, that he had been teaching botany and that she was owning a gallery in Santa Barbara, but that had been it. She had never asked him because she thought he would tell her when the time was right.

She ran her hand over his upper arm and leaned closer to him. She knew this wasn't easy for him, he probably had never really talked about this with anyone. She wanted him to know that she was there for him.

"I was watching TV." He continued softly. "Dad came home from teaching and I still remember that he tousled my hair and called me Champ." He smiled softly. "My Dad always called me Champ, he had taught me to play baseball and I was really good. And then he lay down on the sofa to take a nap, he never woke up."

Even though he was still forcing himself to smile she could see how tears rose up in his eyes. She swallowed hard, she felt so sorry. He really must have looked up to his father. She leaned her head against the side of his and wrapped her arms around him.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "That was the first time that I ever saw a dead person. I didn't really understand that back then though. I thought that he was sleeping. My mother tried to wake him up but it didn't work. Suddenly she went pale and ran out of the room, I think she didn't even notice that I was still in there. At some point paramedics arrived and one of them brought me outside into the garden, telling me to wait there. I waited for a long time, I thought at some point Dad would simply come out and play baseball with me, like he always did. I sat there on the lawn with my baseball, my bat and then I realized that my Dad would never come out and play with me again."

The mere thought of little Grissom sitting on the ground in the garden waiting for his father to come out and play with him had tears rise up in her eyes. She snuggled closer against him.

He buried his face into her hair and held on closer to her. "When my mother told me that he was dead I didn't want to believe her. I ran back into the house and searched for him but he wasn't there anymore." He began to shake and Sara tightened her embrace around him. He remained silent for a moment until he had calmed down. "My mother never got over it… I tried to tell her that… that…"

"You were a child, how were you supposed to comfort her?" She told him softly, reaching up for his cheek to caress it.

He shrugged. "I don't know." He let his hands slip up and down her sides. "I never told this to anyone." He confessed a moment later, his blue eyes still shining from the tears.

She leaned her forehead against his and framed his face with her hands. "Talking helps." She whispered softly and he nodded in agreement.

"I'm so glad that I have you." He told her softly.

She softly kissed him on his lips, then took his hands into hers. "You need to get some rest."

He sighed. "I know," He gave her a weak smile. "And so do you."

"I'll clean up here first." She smiled softly at him.

He shook his head. "I will do that. What a gentleman would I be if I'd let you clean up the mess I made?"

She smirked softly when he pulled her into his arms again. He slipped his hands over her back down to her hips, deeply inhaling the scent of her hair when he buried his face into it. She knew he wasn't ready to let go of her yet.

She didn't want to let go of him yet either, she hadn't expected something like this. Just another similarity they had, they both had grown up without their fathers. Sad somehow, but on the other hands those experiences where parts of their lives and had made them who they were now.

TBC

some feedback would be nice ;) thank you very much for taking the time to read :)